Heaven Knows
by cecilia26
Summary: The aftermath of season four finale forced Kate to make a difficult decision regarding her love life. In this follow-up to 'Fixing a Broken Wing' series, relationship would be rekindled, hearts would be broken, and friendship would grow stronger. But how would it all end? Only Heaven Knows...
1. Chapter 1

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 1**

_Disclaimer: Sea Patrol and its characters are property of Channel Nine and McElroys All Media. No infringement is intended by this fanfiction.  
_

_A/N: This chapter is set after the final episode of season 4 and approximately few weeks after the end of the prequel. Also, please beware that there are a lot more angst in this story than the prequel. It would be quite a bumpy ride for Dylan and Kate. Please let me know what you guys think.  
_

_ Happy reading!_

* * *

**_"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." – Khalil Gibran_**

A lone man stood in the middle of a training room. His shoulder slumped. After a few minutes, he swept the sweat that trickled from his brow and raised his gloved hands again, punching the heavy bag with all his might. The slapping of his gloves against the surface of the bag and his grunts created a sound in an otherwise empty training room.

Dylan Mulholland was angry. No... angry wasn't the right word. Hurt. That was the correct one. All he wanted to do was to punch the other guy who was taking Kate away from him. But, he couldn't do that. Not only because Mike Flynn was his Commanding Officer, but also because he had been through an extremely distressing ordeal for the last 48 hours. So, he punched the next best thing, the heavy bag at the local gym._  
_  
_Professional or personal?_

He had correctly guessed the answer for his own question to Kate. Her transfer request had been for personal reason. At that point, he had been elated. He thought that they might make this work after all. However, as he popped his head into that God-forsaken cabin in Gorsky's yacht and saw the kiss, he realised that he was not her 'personal reason'. Mike Flynn was.

He had been a fool.

That night on his sofa, he should have trusted his instinct. He should have demanded more explanation from her. But her kisses and her touches had made him turned a blind eye.

No more...

He should have known that fairy tale would never come true for a jaded guy like him. He was hopelessly falling in love with Kate McGregor, but he now knew that there would never be a future for him & Kate, because she clearly loved another man.

* * *

Kate sat exhaustedly on her bunk. Her stare was fixed to the opposite wall in her cabin while her finger absentmindedly caressed the pink wrapped present on her hand.

_Dylan..._

During the chaos that ensued after Mike went missing, her brain, her heart and her action had been all focused on saving Mike and later on avenging his supposed death. She hadn't had the chance to even open the present from Dylan, let alone thinking about their future. Dylan had supported her. He had stood by her through her ordeal today. He had been a constant presence; a wall that she could lean against. She knew that she had feelings for him that went beyond what was appropriate between XO and Buffer; a feeling beyond friendship. But she also knew that she was still in love with Mike by the despair she felt when she thought he was dead and the overwhelming joy of finding him alive. And then there was the kiss...

She suspected that Dylan saw the kiss. His body language told her so. She could also tell that she had hurt him. His glassy eyes and sad smiles in the locker room were a dead giveaway. At that moment, she really wanted to hug him. She longed to comfort him, to say that she was sorry for everything. Not only that, she selfishly craved the safeness and the assurance his hugs always gave her. She definitely needed those things after the day she had. But she knew she couldn't do that anymore. She had hurt him bad enough to ensure that a new scar would be forming in his heart. Nothing would ever be the same between them from now on.

Her thought was interrupted by a knock on her door. After a muffled 'come in', Charge's head popped into the room.

"X, some of us are going for a drink to celebrate the end of this patrol. Would you like to come?" Charge looked at her warily. "No offense Ma'am, but you look like you could use one."

She smiled softly at him. "I probably need my bed more than I need a drink, Charge. But thank you anyway."

"Well, if you change your mind, we'll be at the usual place." Charge said while he started to pull her cabin door closed.

"Charge..."

"Yes..." He stopped his movement.

"Has the CO gone to hospital yet?"

"Yes. Swain went with him in the Ambulance. I saw Commander White's car following them as well."

"Oh..."

"If you wanted to go to the hospital, I could go with you, X." Charge offered, trying to make things as easy as possible for his XO.

Kate contemplated his offer for a moment. But the feel of the present on her hand reminded her of her need to see Dylan.

"It's OK Charge. I just realised that I have somewhere else to be."

* * *

On this particular day, Dylan was glad that his garage door had a manual mechanism. Because even after a two-hour-session of bag-punching, he still felt the need for aggression and his annoying garage door was the perfect target for that.

Few pulls and shoves later, he locked the garage and grabbed his bag. He stopped briefly to check on his mailbox before climbing the stairs to his apartment. But a flash of blonde hair stopped his movement. Sitting on the top step was Kate. Her sea bag was lying on the floor beside her. Dylan felt anger and pain coursed through his veins once more. "What are you doing here?"

Kate flinched at the venom in his voice. "I need to explain everything."

He huffed. "There is no need to explain. That kiss was pretty self-explanatory." He continued his journey upstairs, ignoring her as he walked past.

She got up from the stairs and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop short from the door. "Dylan, please."

"Look Kate, I'm sure you would want to be in the hospital with the boss," he paused, "as for everything else between us..." He looked at her sadly. "It would probably be easier to just forget it."

She was stunned. _Forget it? How could he say that? Doesn't he know that I care for him? _

Her grip loosened slightly from his arm, allowing him to pull away and finally reached his door. Fishing his key from his pocket, he tried so hard to ignore her presence. But the wind blew strongly, bringing her scent to his nostrils, almost paralysing him with his need to be close to her. Struggling to control himself, he gripped his key tightly, imprinting the palm of his hand with the key's sharp edges.

"That's it? You are just going to walk away?" Anger slowly seeped through her heart at his attitude. "You're not going to even listen to what I am going to say?"

He stood still in front of the door, keeping his silence, resisting the urge to turn around and face her.

"Don't you want to know what I was thinking when I saw the sub blew to pieces?

He closed his eyes tightly. _You would have been devastated for the thought of losing the man you loved..._

"I was shocked, I couldn't think. But then I saw how close the RHIB was to the sub and my next thought was whether my sailors were hurt, whether you were hurt!" Her voice started to tremble with the memory. "Those few minutes when you didn't answer your radio and when the RHIB wasn't visible because of the smoke from the explosion were one of the longest minutes in my life..."

He slowly turned around and lifted his eyes to look into hers. What he saw broke his heart.

Her sunken and teary eyes were looking at him with despair. Weariness was enveloping her body; she looked as if she was barely able to stand up straight. _I'm a selfish man... This is not about me. This is about her..._

"Kate... I..." He put his bag on the floor and moved forward to reach for her. But she held her arm in front of her in a brace position and moved a step backward.

"In that yacht, when Gorsky was taken away in cuffs, it finally dawn on me that Mike was really gone. The devastation hit me all at once. All my being was hurt. It was hard to breath, let alone standing and going up to the deck." She took a shaky breath before continuing. "When Swain asked me whether I was OK, I could only say that I needed a minute alone." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "But what I really wanted to say to him was for him to go upstairs and get you to come down below deck." A sob broke from her throat. "I needed you..."

Those three words broke the barrier between them. He took a few steps forward and pulled her to his chest.

Her fingers grasped his shirt in a fist, trying to suppress her sobs to no avail. So, she simply buried her head to his chest, letting her tears seeped through his shirt.

Feeling her body racked with sobs, Dylan tightened his arms around her. He then lowered his lips to the top of her head, planting a series of small kisses to soothe her.

"Ssshhh, Kate... Everything is going to be alright..."

However, as he whispered those words softly to her ear, he knew that he just lied...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 2**

_A/N: This chapter is set straight after the previous one._

* * *

"You haven't opened it." Dylan stated while carefully put the steaming mug of tea on the coffee table.

Kate looked at the pink present on her hand and shook her head softly. "I haven't had the chance."

"Open it then." He slowly sat beside her on the couch. The adrenaline from his previous workout had somehow disappeared, leaving him feeling sore and tired. He gratefully rested his body against the cushion, eliciting a soft grunt from his lips as he did so.

She put the present on her lap and leaned forward to grab the mug. She sipped the hot liquid slowly, careful not to burn her tongue in the process. She inhaled the jasmine scent of the tea, feeling the liquid warmed her up from the inside. Her stomach growled softly, signalling to her that it was time to finally fill her stomach with something more substantial than a toast. She prayed that Dylan didn't hear the growl. Because she had no doubt that he would force-feed her again if he did.

Meanwhile, from his vantage point, Dylan could only see her slumped shoulder and stiff neck. His hand involuntary reached to her, as if he was going to help her get rid of the pressure building on her body. But as his hand about to touch her, he remembered that 'kiss' again. He knew that after tonight, he wouldn't have any right to touch her anymore. He wouldn't be able to take care of her any longer. Bringing her a cup of tea, buying those macadamia pancakes that she loved so much, snuggling up on the couch after a long patrol, all of those would be out of questions. That would probably be Mike Flynn's job now, not his, he thought bitterly. He then closed his hand to a fist, preventing his fingers to reach her.

"Why don't you lean back against the couch?" He finally said after few minutes of silence.

Kate turned her head around to meet his eyes. She managed to catch the longing in his eyes before it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Wordlessly, she put the half-empty mug on the table, leaned back against the couch beside him and rested her head on his massive upper arm. She closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the feel of warm and contentment that she associated with him. She then reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

His throat closed up at her gesture. _This is what I'm going to miss..._

"So... What did you have for me in here?" oblivious to his thought, she grabbed the pink present from her lap and scrutinised the tiny package once again.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise any more." He said with a small smile. "Come on. Open it. Whatever it is inside, it's not going to bite you."

She then started to open his present slowly, carefully peeling off the sticky tape from both ends of the package.

Seeing this, Dylan groaned. "Oh God... you are one of those people."

"What?" she looked at him confused. "What are you complaining about?"

"The way you open the present. Too slow..." He grinned at her.

She scowled at him. "I bet you are the opposite then. The type who tears the wrapping quickly."

His grin widened. "Guilty as charged."

She only shook her head amused, ignoring him and keeping the slow pace that she set before. It wasn't long before she managed to peel off the last sticky tape that held the wrapper together. What she saw rendered her speechless.

Dylan looked at her worriedly when she kept staring at the present. "What's wrong?"

"Dylan..." She looked at him with teary eyes. "I know this mean more than a simple present and after what happened during the last patrol, I just can't accept it."

He smiled sadly at her. "I'm not taking it back. Keep it for keep sake if you wish." He then reached for the present and carefully placed it on the palm of her hand.

The colour of the wooden pendant contrasted with her pale skin. She traced the shape softly. The shape of a heart. Then she fingered the silver key charm and the chain attached to it. _The key to his heart. _

"Would you help me put it on then?" she asked him softly.

He only smiled at her request. He then took the necklace from her hand while she turned around and lifted her hair from her neck. His fingers involuntary caressed the soft skin on the back of her neck when he fastened the clasp of the necklace. She shivered slightly at the touch, which didn't go unnoticed by him.

She looked down to admire the necklace before she looked up to him and reached up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." He pulled her to his side and wrapped his arm around her, cherishing the feel of her body against his.

"You know... I used to be like you..." Kate said, breaking the silence.

He grinned at her. "In what way? A gung-ho person with a hero-complex? Unlikely..."

She swatted his chest playfully. "No. I mean about the way you open a present."

"Really?" he looked at her curiously.

"Hu-uh." She smiled at the memory. "When I still lived in England, I used to race to the living room on Christmas morning, searched for the presents that had my name on it under the tree and tore the wrappings as quickly as I could."

"What changed?" he noticed her solemn expression at his question and prepared himself for the worse.

"Remember when we were in school, the teacher used to ask us to write a letter to Santa stating our Christmas wish?"

He nodded. "Yes... They did that when I was in primary school too."

"It was my first Christmas after my mother brought me to this country. As usual, I raced to the living room on Christmas morning." She sighed. "To my disappointment, there was no tree. No present."

He tightened his arms around her, sensing her sadness.

"I then looked for my mother everywhere. Eventually, I found her in the backyard." She looked at him sadly. "She had built a campfire on the backyard. In the middle of the fire, there was a big present, tied with a big pink bow and a big tag that had my name on it. She burned my present."

Dylan looked at her in disbelief. He instantly felt remorse at the way he teased her earlier.

"She said to me that it was a punishment for manipulating the teachers at school to give me present and for wanting something that 'a little brat' like me didn't deserve." She stared at her hand, refusing to look at what would surely be a pity in his eyes. "I cried hard that day. But I also learned an important lesson. That Santa didn't exist. I found out later on that the teachers had collected money among themselves to buy me, their favourite student, the whole collection of 'Famous Five' books that I had requested in my Santa letter. From that day I also promised to myself that if I were ever lucky enough to get a present; that I would savour each one of them as long as I could. Hence, the way I opened the present."

He tilted her chin up towards him. "I'm sorry I teased you before."

What she saw in his eyes was not pity, just compassion. "It's alright. You didn't know. It's not your fault that my mother was a little imbalanced."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Just a little? I think burning her daughter's present definitely qualified her as more than 'a little' imbalanced."

She snorted, "Well, yeah, if you put it that way."

"There is more to the story, isn't it?" he didn't mean to pry, but curiosity got the better of him.

She nodded "Are you ready for a long night?"

"Depends..."

"On?"

"Can we order a takeaway first? I'm starving," he grinned broadly at her.

She grinned back. "Pizza?"

"Half supreme, half BBQ chicken?" he looked at her questioningly while grabbing the cordless phone from the side table.

"Deal."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 3**

_A/N: Warning... This chapter is quite angsty... However, don't be discouraged. This is only the beginning and definitely not the end..._

* * *

"So, let me get this straight, Mike Flynn was your instructor?" Dylan looked at Kate with raised eyebrows.

Kate ran her fingertips on the brim of her wine glass before giving him a small smile in return.

"Yes, he was." She sipped her wine before continuing. "I still remembered very clearly the first moment I laid my eyes on him." She paused. "It was my last year in ADFA and I was late to my first lecture on the first day of the semester."

"Kate McGregor, late for class? That must have been a spectacle." Dylan nudged her side with his elbow.

She scowled at him. "Why do you think that would be the case?"

"Two words." He paused for effect. "Princess Perfect."

"You know about that too?" She asked him, referring to her nickname during ADFA.

"Well... sailors talked a lot. Let's just say that your reputation preceded you." He grinned at her.

As usual, she couldn't help but grinned back at him. Few seconds of silence followed, before she rested her head on his arm for the second time that day.

Feeling the silkiness of her hair on his arm, he couldn't help but leaned down to kiss the top of her head softly, waiting patiently for her to continue her story.

"When I opened the door to the lecture room, I was expecting LCDR Cooper to be there. But, he wasn't..."

* * *

_Kate looked to the man standing in front of the room, his blue eyes were piercing hers. She was glued to the spot. She knew she should have said something. After all, she was late. But somehow, she could only manage to hold her books tighter in front of her, as if she was using her books as a shield from his piercing stare._  
_  
He then looked at the paper on his hand before looking back at her again. "You must be Midshipman McGregor."_  
_  
Kate sobered up from her trance at his severe tone and stood straighter. "Yes Sir."_  
_  
"It's nice of you to finally grace us with your presence." The man said with a touch of sarcasm._  
_  
She could hear her fellow students snickering behind her, no doubt enjoying 'Princess Perfect's fall from grace. "I'm sorry Sir. It won't happen again." Her green eyes looked at him with determination._  
_  
"I don't tolerate tardiness in my class, Midshipman. Is that understood?"_

"_Yes Sir."_  
_  
After a few second of silence, he finally gestured to the only seat left in the room. "Very well. Please have a seat."_

* * *

"Was he a good instructor?" Dylan asked curiously.

"He was one of the best." She played with her empty wine glass, doubt lingering in her heart. She wondered whether telling Dylan the whole history between Mike and her was a wise move. It would only hurt him some more and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Sensing her hesitation, he lifted his arm from his side and circled it around her shoulder, effectively encouraging her to lean against his chest. "Kate, you know that you don't owe me anything, right?"

"Dylan, I've misled you." She looked at him with remorse in her eyes. "I gave you false hope. I don't think I even deserve to enjoy your hugs right now."

He instantly tightened his arms around her. "Kate, we're not even in a proper relationship." He smiled sadly at her. "Yes we kissed, we hugged and we spent most of our spare time together lately, but the fact of the matter is that we're not a couple yet."

"It's also the fact of the matter that I hurt you."

"Kate, it's OK..."

"Please don't deny it." She lifted her hand to touch his cheek softly. "I'm going to tell you a story about a man that not only exists in my past, but also very much in our presents. I simply don't want to cause you anymore pain."

"Kate, I want to know." He stated simply. "I'm a big boy. I can handle the pain."

She searched his eyes for the assurance that he was telling the truth. As usual, his eyes never lied to her. There was sadness lingered there, but right now, his eyes were full of encouragement for her to continue. Breaking eye contact, she put her empty glass on the table before she moved further to his embrace.

"So, what happened next?"

* * *

_Kate stood up from her chair, ready to follow her classmates to the next lecture when an authoritative voice reached her ear._  
_  
"Midshipman McGregor, may I have a word please?"_  
_  
Again, she could feel the hush whispers of everyone else. Ignoring it, she stepped towards the front of the room and stood beside his desk. "Sir?"_  
_  
He waited until the last person from the class disappeared through the door before directing his blue eyes to her again._  
_  
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier." He paused for a second. "But discipline is the core value of the Navy and I can't just let it slide, even for a midshipman with a perfect record like you."_  
_  
Kate eyed him suspiciously. "What exactly have you heard about me, Sir?"_  
_  
He held her gaze steadily. "That you have a perfect score in practically everything that you have done. That you have never had any disciplinary action taken against you. All good things, Midshipman."_  
_  
Kate wasn't sure how she should reply to his words. So she kept her silence. It was during their silence that she couldn't help but noticed how tall he was. She had to tilt her chin slightly to hold his gaze that penetrated through her eyes, leaving her soul bare to him. _

_Realising that they had been staring at each other longer than what was appropriate; she broke their gaze and looked down to her feet. _  
_  
After a few seconds, he cleared his throat. "I supposed since you were late this morning, you missed my introduction. I'm Lieutenant Mike Flynn."_  
_  
She saw his hand outstretched in front of her. Giving his hand a firm shake, she could feel the warm spread through her body from their skin contact. "Midshipman Kate McGregor."_  
_  
He smiled at her._  
_  
She blushed. _  
_  
'What is wrong with me? Get a grip Kate!'_  
_  
He seemed amused at her predicament, but mercifully let her hand go before she could embarrass herself any further._  
_  
She carefully schooled her feature. "Is there anything else, Sir?"_  
_  
"Yes." He stepped closer to her. "Would you like to have coffee with me?"_

* * *

"I suppose you said 'YES' then?"

Kate nodded. "Coffee quickly became lunch. Lunch became dinner and before I knew it, I was in love."

Dylan's jaw tightened at her words. He suspected that she indeed loved him from the events in today's ordeal, but he didn't expect the new waves of jealousy that hit him when he heard the word 'love' from her lips. He struggled to control it. _Hell, I don't even know whether I want to control it. _

A soft touch helped him to calm down. He looked down to find her caressing his fingers and sizing her fingers against his. He then asked, "what are you doing?"

"I never realise that you have such a big hand." She stared at both of their hands with a serious look on her face.

He laughed. "That was so random..."

"But it's true..." She insisted. "Look..."

"Kate..." He linked their fingers together tightly. "Stop trying to distract me."

She sighed. "Am I that obvious?"

He only smirked at her as an answer. But deep down, he was grateful for her random thought because it was successfully distracting him from his almost jealous rage.

"I've always known that his time in Canberra was only temporary. He never made any secret of that." She continued again after a long silence. "He was waiting for his promotion list when he started his teaching position. It was 4 months later when he got his promotion and new orders from Navcom."

Realisation dawn on Dylan's mind, "let me guess, Hammersley?"

Untangling herself from Dylan's embrace, Kate stood up and walked towards the big poster windows opposite the sofa. She touched the glass absentmindedly, wondering why she could still remember clearly the painful conversation nine years ago. Time certainly hadn't healed the wound.

* * *

_"Cairns?" Kate looked at the man sitting beside her._  
_  
"Yes." He sighed. "I have to be there in 2 weeks time."_  
_  
Silence enveloped both of them. They had been sitting on the empty bench overlooking the small lake on a secluded park for the last hour, cherishing the time they had together away from the prying eyes at the academy. _  
_  
Her lips slowly formed a wistful smile. "Well, I've always dreamed of a beach holiday."_  
_  
He grasped her hand tightly. "I don't think that it's a good idea."_  
_  
She stared at him confusedly. "Why not? Taking a few days of annual leave during study break should be acceptable. You are the one who always wants me to relax."_  
_  
"That's not what I meant." He stared back at her._  
_  
Suddenly it all made sense to her. His reluctance to meet her eyes, his sad smiles, his tense posture, even his kisses seemed a lot more restrained lately._  
_  
"You're breaking up with me." She could feel the crushing blow to her heart._  
_  
"Kate, although what we have is wonderful, but it's also wrong in so many levels."_  
_  
She pulled her hand away from his grasp and stood up from the bench. "Wrong?" She looked at him in disbelief. "I thought you care about me."_  
_  
"I do!" He stood up and took a step forward. "Kate, I love you!"_  
_  
She took a step backward, keeping her distance from him. "If you did, then you wouldn't do this."_  
_  
"It's because I love you that I have to do this." He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated by the situation that he found himself in. "We are playing with fire now and if we're not careful, we will both get burnt."_  
_  
"Mike, no one has to know. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone." Tears started to brim in her eyes._  
_  
He touched her cheek gently. "Kate, you are a wonderful woman. The smartest and the most determined person I've ever known. You could achieve great things in your career. The last thing you need is for our relationship to destroy it." He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry."_  
_  
"You're not..." She stared hard at him. "You just want to save your own career."_  
_  
"You know that's not true." This time, he was the one who looked at her in disbelief._  
_  
"If you loved me, you would find a way to be together with me." One drop of tears ran down her cheek. "If you loved me, you would fight your hardest to make this work. Not just walking away."_  
_  
He shook his head. "Kate, don't be naive!" _  
_  
She steeled her spine and blinked her tears away. "You're right about one thing. I will be a good naval officer." She took a step forward towards him. "I hope that I would never see your face again, Lieutenant Commander Flynn. But if I did, I would be standing in front of you as your equal, not as a naive student anymore."_  
_  
He stared at her silently, struggling to keep his emotion intact. "Very well, Midshipman McGregor. Good luck."_  
_  
And with those parting words, he turned around and walked away._

* * *

Kate didn't realise that a lone tear had made its way down her pale cheek until a thumb brushed the moisture away. She looked to her side to find Dylan stood beside her in front of the windows.

"Once he was out of my sight, I sobbed my heart out for hours on that park bench." She closed her eyes briefly, willing the painful memory to fade. "That was the last time I ever saw him in the academy."

"Until you were posted to Hammersley." He connected the dot easily.

She nodded. "I've never forgotten him and I suspected that no matter how strong I am, seeing him again would bring those memories to the forefront," she paused, "but I never realised how strong my feelings for him still, even after five years apart."

Dylan had been keeping his silence and distance during her narration. Seeing her sadness, his first instinct was to comfort her and pulling her to his arm, but the waves of jealousy came back and getting stronger by the minutes, leaving him torn between being a good friend and being an average hot-blooded man.

"For the first 2 years serving together, both of us ignored our past. He had Ursula to distract him while I had Rick and then Jim. Then that doom mission in Samaru happened."

"What happened?" He prompted her after a long silence.

"Both Mike and Jim were hurt during the mission. I was really worried for both of them, but I couldn't deny that I was a lot more worried for the life of my Commanding Officer rather than my boyfriend at the time." She smiled sadly. "Jim was a great guy. But he wasn't blind. Somehow he found out about my feelings towards Mike and rather than throwing a tantrum about it, he simply removed himself from the equation. Leaving me supposedly 'free' to pursue Mike."

"Except that you both were still serving in the same ship."

"Yes." She took a deep breath. "Then a year later, he got his promotion and shore posting. I thought..."

"That things were finally looking up..." He continued.

"Exactly..."She paused again. "We've only been together literally one night before he was temporarily posted back to Hammersley, leaving us in limbo again."

"Then days changed to months and the supposedly 'temporary' posting became not so temporary anymore."

She looked up at him again, surprised that he could guess her train of thought so easily.

"Remember Bird's trouble in Karumba?" She then asked him quietly.

"With the dodgy ex-boyfriend?" He scowled, remembering the way that guy visibly made the young girl upset.

"I gave her an advice that day. Something about not letting a guy dictates the course of a conversation or even her life. As I said those words to her, it dawned on me that I needed to take my own advice. I never realised how much Mike dictated the course of our relationship. He came and went as he pleased. If I tried to move on, he acted jealously, making me felt guilty for even trying to move on, yet he never really tried to make it worked. For years, I've been waiting... and finally, I've had enough." Anger seeped through her voice. "I confronted him and asked him whether he knew what he wanted, Hammersley or me. Do you know what he said?" She snorted unamused. "Coffee. He said that he just wanted coffee with me."  
_  
That was what she was asking me that night in Swain's house. 'Why didn't Mike choose her, instead of Hammersley'... It has never been about another woman. It was about a warship. She is competing against a warship for a man's heart...Mike Flynn is officially a nutcase... But I'm a moron too. I let myself be a rebound..._

Dylan clenched his fist tightly, struggling to keep his anger in check. "Did I ever mean anything to you?" he tightened his jaw, "or I just happened to be the one drinking with you in the bar that night?"

"Dylan..." She looked at him sadly. In all honesty, she had been waiting for this kind of reaction from him all night. He had been very patient with her so far, but the man was not a saint.

"Am I just a temporary placeholder until the real one comes along?" He pressed her further, finally allowing himself to feel the pain in his heart.

"It's not that simple..."

"Really? You're going to give me that kind of crap as an answer?" He chuckled bitterly.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Initially, maybe you were a rebound." She could feel him stiffened beside her. "Spending time with you was easy. Spending time with you made me laugh, really laugh for the first time in years. You were a very good distraction from all the uncertainty in my life."

"I supposed this is the part where you would say that somehow it became more than that?" Sarcasm laced his words.

"Yes..." Her eyes softened, ignoring the tone of his voice. "Somehow along the way, I started to care about you. I started to become more worried about you and your over-protectiveness towards me; worried that one of these days, a boarding might take you away from me. Spending time with you was not a mere distraction anymore. I found myself counting the days until the shore leaves started so that I could spend more time with you. And before I knew it, I started to entertain the thought of turning a new chapter in my life with you."

"Was that why you wanted to transfer off?" He couldn't help but felt a tiny hope inside his heart.

"Yes and no." She sighed. "Mike made a comment about all the CO candidates that Commander White had been referring to him were hopeless; that they couldn't even command a tugboat, let alone a warship. That day, he asked me to get the surveillance tape from his cabin, that was when I saw the CO candidate's list. My name was on the top of the list." She shook her head. "It was one thing to toy with my feelings, but to find out that he didn't trust me professionally, that was the last straw. At that point of time, I've also already decided to give us a go, so I thought transferring off would solve all the dilemmas in my life."

"Killing two birds with one stone." He stated. "Except that Mike Flynn then went missing."

She laughed bitterly. "When I first realised what had happened, I was worried about his well-being, but at the same time, I was angry at him. Here I was, trying to move on with my life, then all of the sudden, I had to re-assess my feelings and my heart again, all because he tried to be a bloody hero. Then it turned out that my anger towards him about the promotion list was a giant misunderstanding. I found out after he was presumed dead that the original promotion list didn't have my name on it; he actually added my name in there after he made that comment about the unsuitability of the other candidates. On top of feeling devastated, I felt so guilty..."

"What about the kiss? Was that an 'I love you and I can't live without you' kiss or an 'I'm sorry I was wrong about you and I'm so glad that I got the chance to say sorry' kiss?" He challenged her with his eyes briefly, willing her to tell him the truth. He then closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the painful memory of her desperately kissing the other man. Unfortunately, he had a sneaking suspicion that even though he scrubbed his eyeballs with the strongest detergent out there, that image would haunted him for a long time, even in his sleep.

Kate stepped forward towards him. She could see that Dylan was struggling to keep himself together. His muscles were strung tight and his postures were rigid, but what she hated the most was that he looked so defeated, a far cry from the confident and larger than life persona that he so often projected to other people. _I did this to him._

A soft caress on his cheek made Dylan opened his eyes again.

Their eyes met. Blue against green.

He could clearly see the conflict and sadness in her eyes.

He then cupped her cheek with his palm. "Kate, I just want the truth. Please don't spare me the painful details just because you are afraid of hurting me."

She covered his hand with her own, kissing the palm of his hand softly. "Have you ever had a moment in your life where the object of your affection was in a mortal peril and you need that physical connection to reassure yourself that she is alive and well?"

He nodded, remembering the feeling he had when he saw her standing against the railings on the boat deck after he had that nightmare of her dying in that fishing boat.

"The kiss was primarily about that. I wanted to prove to myself that he was alive and well in my arms, not lying lifeless on the bottom of the sea. But I guess that kiss also meant both of those things that you mentioned before. It was a mixture of everything."

"I have no hope in this battle, do I?" He smiled sadly at her.

"Dylan, don't ever discount your importance in my life. I care about you a lot." Tears welled up in her eyes again. "You make me happy. You make me feel safe and cherished."

"So if I kissed you right here and now, would you let me be the man for you?" He had to ask. Life was too short not to take a chance.

Droplets of tears started to run down her cheeks. Seeing this, instead of pulling her to his chest as he normally would, he kissed her eyelids softly, then the salty tears, one after another. Then, he finally kissed her lips.

This time, he pulled her waist towards him and cupped the back of her neck to deepen the kiss. He kissed her without restrain, pouring all his affections and feelings to her. He knew that this was his last chance to convince her that he was worth all the risk. He wished that if she could just feel how serious he was about her, she would choose him instead of Mike Flynn.

He could feel tears started to well up in his eyes too. If she chose the other man, then this was it. This would be his last chance to feel her soft lips against his; his last chance to be able to embrace her in his arms.

Breaking for air, they rested their foreheads against each other, both of their tears mingled together.  
_  
This is it. The moment of truth._

"Dylan... I'm so sorry..."

After 34 years living in this earth, Dylan finally knew what a broken heart felt like.  
_  
It bloody hurts._

He didn't even pretend to say that it was OK anymore, like he did earlier in the night. He simply pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly, ignoring her pleas for his forgiveness. He then rested his chin on top of her head, closing his eyes and letting his tears flowed freely.

He just needed a minute. A minute of being weak. A minute of being hurt. Because after that, he needed to be the strong one again. He needed to be able to look Kate in the eye and said that he forgave her. After all, he knew that this was not her fault, this was simply her choice. He might not understand or like her choice, but he respected it. He had too, for both of their sakes.

He just needed one more minute.

* * *

Dylan turned off his bike and took off his helmet. He could feel that Kate was doing the same thing behind him. A moment later, she stood to his right side, bag on her shoulder and a helmet on her hand. They looked at each other silently, each remembering the similar moments early in their friendship. The promise of a breakfast. Although that didn't eventuate on the day after, but it was a start of deepening friendship between them. But now, there was a lingering sadness in the air. The end of the road for both of them.

"Kate..."

Both of their heads turned to the source of the voice.

"Mike?"

Kate could feel Dylan straightened his spine at the sound of Mike's approaching steps from the veranda.

"Dutchy."

"Sir."

For a while, both men only stared at each other, as if sizing each other up. If not for the seriousness of the situation, she would probably roll her eyes at the unnecessary display of testosterone.

"Mike, why don't you wait inside? You still remember where I keep the spare key, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." Mike's eyes never left Dylan's when he answered Kate's question.

Dylan saw a hint of smugness in the other man's eyes at the fact that he has been a permanent fixture in Kate's life way longer than Dylan did.

Dylan struggled to keep his composure. He gripped his helmet so tight that he was sure a bruise was already forming on his palm. But he couldn't help himself, that simple fact was another blow to his already badly bruised heart.

Finally Mike made his way back towards the veranda, leaving him and Kate alone in the driveway.

"He knows where your spare key is." He bitterly stated.

Realising how hurt he really was by that fact, she could only grasp his other hand tightly, hoping to convey her regret at the whole situation.

"Can you promise me something?" He looked up to search her eyes.

"Of course... anything."

He linked their fingers together. "Promise me that you would be happy."

"I promise." She solemnly agreed to his request.

"Good." He looked down to their joined hand before looking up to her face again. "So I guess this is it then."

"I'll see you in 3 weeks?" she asked referring to the length of their current shore leaves.

Silence greeted her question.

"Dylan... please don't..." The thought of not seeing him around the ship any more saddened her.

He smiled at her sadly. "Kate, I'm not that honourable. I'm not that strong. As professional I am as a sailor, I still don't think that I could look at the both of you together without remembering what happened between the three of us." He took a deep breath. "I need more time."

Silence descended around them one more time. Both of them tried to build their courage to let go of the other person's hand.

"Go on Kate." Dylan flicked his head towards her front door. "You better go inside. He is probably squirming on his seat wondering what we are doing outside."

She chuckled. "Let him be. He has been making me waiting for 9 years. A couple more minutes wouldn't hurt him."

He kissed her knuckles softly. "Take care."

"You too, big fella." She squeezed his hand one more time before finally letting go. She watched him storing her helmet in the spare compartment before putting on his own helmet. He then turned on the ignition, before finally drove his bike out of her driveway, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

Instantly, she felt like a chunk of her heart went missing, as if he took it with him as he drove away.

She had made her decision, but was it the correct one?

Only heaven knew...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 4**

_A/N: This chapter is set 3 weeks after the previous one. I sincerely hope that this chapter will keep the hope of D/K followers alive._

_To 'Guest' reviewer, thank you! As for whether Dylan & Kate will get together at the end, you just have to keep reading..._

* * *

"Excuse me, Miss?"

Kate turned around to find the young taxi driver was looking at her with expectant eyes.

"We're at the port."

"Oh..." She dug her purse from her bag and pulled out a fifty dollar note, not actually knowing how much the journey had cost her.

She sighed inwardly. She had been like this since yesterday, always deep in thought, about her love life, her career, her decision not to lodge her transfer request, but especially about him.  
_  
__About Dylan._

As the driver gave her the change, she stepped out of the taxi and hoisted her bag to her shoulder. She stood in front of the port entrance for a full minute, trying to find the courage to make that first step towards Hammersley after 3 weeks of shore leave.

It was not that she didn't miss the ship and its crew. She did. The truth was that she was anxious about whether she would see Dylan there. After what he said on that fateful night, she had been waiting to hear the news of his transfer from Mike or Commander White, but she hadn't. She had wanted to ask Mike so badly about that, but she didn't know how to broach the subject with him. It was as if Dylan was a taboo subject between them.

She supposed that she should be relieved that she didn't hear anything. After all, they said that no news was good news, right?  
_  
__Well Kate, no time like present to find out the truth._

Taking a deep breath, she straightened her spine and finally made her way to the guard house.

* * *

Dylan stood on the dock quietly. Every once in a while he would look up from his paperwork to observe his crew mates loading the provisions to the ship. In all honesty, his mind had been wandering everywhere for the last 30 minutes. Trying not to think about Kate.

He didn't know what to expect today. He saw the CO came aboard the ship earlier.  
_  
__If Mike Flynn is staying put in Hammersley, does it mean that Kate is not going to be here? Does it mean that he's going to serve under a new XO today?_

He sighed inwardly. The thought of not seeing her again was unbearable.

He missed her. Very much.

He missed her scowl when he did something she deemed ridiculous. He missed snuggling with her in the couch. He even missed the way she issued her order during a boarding. But most importantly, he missed his best friend. With her, he didn't have to pretend that everything was alright in the world. With her, he could just be himself. That was a luxury that he had taken for granted, until it was stolen away from him in that doomed patrol.

A high-pitch squeal broke his train of thought. Looking around the dock for the source of the sound, he saw Bird brushed her arm frantically, trying to get rid of the invisible bugs or insects somebody had tried to scare her with. Behind her, he could see 2Dads laughing out loud, boxes scattered around them, no doubt as a result of Bird's fright.

"2Dads!" Dylan's face hardened to match his voice. "Come here!"

The leading seaman had the guts to still be grinning from ear-to-ear while walking towards him. If Dylan was not already angry, he would be now. But then he saw that 2Dads' gait looked suspicious. He looked as if he swayed a little bit while walking.

"Stop there!" Dylan moved forward a few steps, looking at him closely. "Walk straight to me..."

"What?" 2Dads looked confused.

"Just do it!" His patience was wearing thin.

His suspicion was proven correct when 2Dads ended up on his right instead of in front of him like he ordered him to.

"Care to explain yourself, Leader?"

"About what?"

Dylan stared at him menacingly. "About you turning up drunk for work."

"I don't know what you're talking about Dutchy." 2Dads grinned. "But I can see from your mood today that your shore leave wasn't a very pleasant experience."

"Shut up!" Dylan held his clipboard tightly to contain his anger. "You couldn't walk straight. Your breath smells like a brewery and you still deny that you are drunk?"

Silence greeted his question. After a few seconds, he continued. "How much did you drink last night, huh?"

"Ummmm... I don't know. Couple of beers?" answered 2Dads tentatively.

Dylan looked at him in disbelief. "That's it. I'll bring you to see the CO right now. Maybe captain's table would jog your memory."

"Dutchy, no!"

Dylan only raised his eyebrows at the younger man's outburst. "Then you better tell me the truth or I swear I'll haul your arse personally to CO's cabin!"

"It was at least 4 beers... a few vodka shots... and ..." 2Dads gulped nervously before continuing... "a few whiskey shots..."

"Right..." Dylan stared hard at him. "Are you sure that's all you drank last night?"

"Yes... Well... That's all that I can remember... If I drank more than that, I had no idea..."

Dylan sighed. Frankly, he already wished that this patrol would end before it even began. Between his anxiety over Kate and the increase in his blood pressure over 2Dads behaviour, he could feel a headache coming.

"I won't tell the CO about this, BUT..." He emphasised his last word when he saw 2Dads's lips starting to curve up for a smile. "I have to tell the X."

"What? Why?" Dylan's last sentence wiped any trace of smile from 2Dad's face.

"Because I have to tell her why I think you shouldn't be allowed in the boarding parties," answered Dylan calmly.

"This will be a very boring patrol." Grumbled 2Dads under his breath.

Dylan smirked, "Well, you should have thought twice before getting drunk the night before a schedule patrol, mate." He then patted the other man's back strongly. "Besides, you'll be my bitch this patrol anyway. I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun things to do for the next 10 days..."

2Dads groaned. He could already imagine all the maintenance works that he had to do. So much for hoping for a lazy patrol.

"Get back to work 2Dads! If I see you scaring anyone or anything again today, I might not be so forgiving..."

2Dads quickly turned around, wishing to make a quick exit, but obviously his legs were not cooperating, as he went down like a tonne of bricks halfway through his escape.

Dylan just shook his head exasperatedly, wondering when the younger sailor would finally grow up.

"Looks like you had an interesting morning." A voice behind him said...

* * *

Kate could feel her steps got heavier as she closed her distance to the ship. But it didn't matter how slow she walked, she still couldn't deny the inevitable.

His broad shoulder and tall frame made him stood out among all the organised chaos on the dock. At the moment, he stood facing 2Dads menacingly, no doubt giving the younger man a third degree.

It was not her eyes that recognised his striking physical features. It was her heart.

Her heart grew warmer at the sight of him.

Before seeing him this morning, she didn't know what kind of situation she wanted herself to walk into. She didn't know whether inwardly she wanted him to make that transfer so that they could avoid a possible awkward situation between them or whether she wanted him to still be serving in the ship. Now she knew the answer.

She wanted her protector and her right-hand man to be by her side.

She scoffed inwardly. The old Kate McGregor would give her a slap for depending on anyone, let alone a man. But right now, she was no longer that woman.

She missed him.

She missed his cheeky smile, his teasing and most importantly, she missed her best friend. There was a few times where she had started to dial his mobile just to hear his voice, forgetting that he was still hurting because of her. Thank God she always managed to hang up before he could pick up his mobile.

"Looks like 2Dads is in trouble again, Ma'am..."

Kate turned her head around to see Swain smiling at her.

Involuntary, her lips curved up. The medic's warm and kind smile always made everyone felt at ease.

"Well, I guess 2Dads is just being his usual self." She then started to walk towards the ship again with Swain. "How are Sally and Chloe?"

Swain's smile got even broader. "They are good. Chloe would be four in 2 months."

"She must be excited then." Kate smiled remembering the bubbly little girl that had all the crew under her spell.

"Yes... Beyond excited... She won't let Sally and I forget it. She also told everybody that she's 3 years and 10 months old now, with the emphasis on the 10 months part."

Kate could hear the pride in Swain's voice. The pride of a father whose little girl was growing up. He was an amazing father. The kind of father that she no longer had since she was nine. She wished that Chloe would never experience the kind of life she had during her teenage years. She prayed that the man walking besides her would be able to see his beloved daughter growing up to be a beautiful young woman, attending her university graduation and walking her down the aisle one day.

"X, are you alright?" Swain looked at his XO questioningly when she suddenly went very quiet.

"Yes... I was just thinking." She smiled softly at the concern she could hear in his voice. "Why don't you go ahead Swain, I have to talk to Dutchy first."

"Yes, Ma'am." Swain threw another worried glance at her before he saluted her and walked across the gangway.

Kate waited until Swain disappeared from her sight before made her way towards her buffer. She saw that his shoulder slumped a little bit, probably a bit weary as a result from lashing out to the younger sailor.

"Looks like you had an interesting morning..."

* * *

Dylan closed his eyes briefly and felt relief course through his body when he heard her voice.  
_  
__She's not driving a desk somewhere in Navcom. She's here, where she belongs. But what does it mean?_

He schooled his features and turned around to face her.

"Good morning, Ma'am..."

She looked up to search his eyes for any residual cloud hanging in there somewhere. But all she could find was a genuine happiness of seeing her. It seemed that they were going to be alright after all.

"Good morning Dutchy." She smiled at him. "I trust that except for a slight problem, everything is running smoothly this morning?"

"Yes. Everything is on schedule. We have about 50 minutes until we sail," he answered succinctly.

They then held each other gaze steadily. Both were unable to look away. There were so many questions that needed to be asked and so many explanations that needed to be told after three weeks of not seeing each other.

"Dy..." She started, seeing that they were quite a few distance away from other sailors on the dock.

"Ma'am..." He cut her off. _Kate, please don't do this now._

Kate finally saw a glimpse of shadow in his eyes, a chink on his otherwise impenetrable armour.

"We really only have about 50 minutes to bring all these provisions aboard." _I'm so sorry, Kate._

She nodded. "Very well. Carry on, Dutchy." _Later... We will talk later, Dylan..._

"Thank you," he smiled softly at her, grateful for a brief respite. As he watched her made her way aboard the ship, he knew that somehow, they would have to talk.

But at the moment, duty called.

* * *

Kate stirred the spoon in her mug absentmindedly. It was past three o'clock in the morning and she still couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, she finally made her way to the galley to make herself a cup of tea.

Leaning against one of the pantry on the galley, she carefully lifted the steaming cup to her lips. She blew the top of the light brown liquid before sipping it slowly. She closed her eyes at the feel of the liquid soothing her raw nerves.

But then, the galley door opened.

She looked up to find Dylan froze on the doorway, his hand was still holding the door.

Dylan couldn't believe his eyes. He had just congratulated himself a couple minutes ago for the fact that he had successfully avoided any personal conversation with Kate today. But apparently, fate had other plans. The plan involved Kate McGregor wearing only a short and a white tank top.  
_  
__This is torture..._

It was easier to be professional when she wore her uniform. It was easier to forget the event that happened 3 weeks ago when she issued order to him during boardings. At that time, he could just focus on the job and think of her as the XO. But now, with her hair down and a pair of light blue slippers adorning her delicate feet, she was Kate, the woman. The woman he adored. The woman he had come to care for very deeply.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

Her question broke the silence between them. He took a deep breath before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

"I think I need something a lot stronger than that," he replied with a tired smile.

"I'm sorry about the roster. I needed a way to teach a lesson to 2Dads after you told me about this morning's incident. Giving him guts watch was a way of doing that. But obviously, I needed someone to watch him too, so..."

"X, you don't have to explain," he stopped her apology. "I'm your subordinate. I would always respect your decision."

"Dylan, I..." She tried again.

"X."

Her eyes shot up to his. She thought that his refusal to use her given name this morning was due to them being surrounded by sailors on the dock, but apparently, even when they were clearly alone, he still hadn't changed his stance on that.

"So are we back to be Dutchy and X again?" She couldn't deny that she felt a sting in her heart by the way he kept his distance.

"We have to." He felt frustrated by her attempts to keep things as they were before the Gorsky incident. _Didn't she understand that all those incidental touches they had during work and all her interaction with the CO reminded him of what he had lost? Why did she have to make it harder?_

"If you couldn't stand to be near me, why didn't you transfer?" her voice rose slightly and she instantly regretted it. None of this was his fault.

"I did. Or at least I attempted to transfer."

For a moment, silence enveloped them once again.

He then leaned on the pantry opposite her, crossing both arms in front of his chest. "Two weeks ago, I lodged a transfer request to frigates."  
_  
__Frigates? He really was trying to get away from me... _"What happened then?"

He smiled sadly.

"Apparently, there were no bosun positions available for any ships, even for patrol boats. I was given two options while waiting for any available positions, either to continue with my current posting or to take extended leave. I chose to stay here."

"Why?" she whispered softly.

He kept his silence and stepped closer towards her. His hand involuntary reached out to tuck one side of her hair behind her ear, touching her cheek softly in the process. He knew that he was playing with fire, but he couldn't resist.  
_  
__How could I forget someone like her? How am I supposed to get over her when I couldn't even last a day not to touch her? Is the Man above punishing me for how easily I forgot the women I met in the past? _

"I missed you," he finally said softly.

Their eyes met. Her green eyes glazed with unshed tears at his confession. At that moment, he finally realised how hard these circumstances had affected her too.

He moved even closer to her, effectively trapping her between him and the pantry behind her. "I'm sorry. I was too preoccupied with my own misery that I forgot how hard this must be on you as well."

She shook her head strongly. "This whole thing wasn't your fault. It was mine. If only I was honest with you about him from the very beginning, then this whole mess would never happen and you would've never got hurt."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "Really? How exactly you were going to tell me about him when we were only starting to be civil around each other at that time?"

She sighed. He was right and he knew it too, because his lips were starting to form his annoying smirk.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You had no way of knowing what could possibly have grown between us."

Their eyes met again. He didn't know how long they stared at each other. Maybe too long, but they didn't move. They stood close to each other. He could see her pulse point, realising that her heart beat faster at his proximity. He could see her eyelashes, how they curled perfectly even without any make-up. And, he could see her lips, slightly opened, as if that was an invitation for him to taste her. He then found himself leaning forward towards her, his lips inches from hers. His eyes were searching her permission for what he thought he was about to do.

But she turned her head away.  
_  
__What the hell were you doing, Dylan?_

Frustrated and ashamed of himself, he stepped away from her and leaned back against the pantry once again. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

A lone tear made its way down her cheek. "I'm sorry too."

None of them spoke for a while. The silence was heavy. The tension was thick.

Kate tightened her grip on her lukewarm cup of tea. She was angry at her naivety. She thought that they could have their friendship back. She thought that somehow, they would be able to put their complicated situation behind them and concentrate on their future. She now knew that she was kidding herself. Three weeks were nowhere near enough to forget, let alone heal the wound.

She felt an overwhelming sense of sadness that their professional relationship was all they could have from now on. No more late night movies, no more pancakes, no more silly bickering...

Tears pooled at the back of her eyes again. She turned around, put her cup down and reached for the kettle, intending to keep herself busy so he wouldn't notice her predicament.

"What are you doing?" Dylan looked at her curiously. He saw her filled the kettle and re-boiled the water.

"Making your coffee." She now reached for one of the thermoses on the cupboard, opened the can of coffee and proceeded to scoop a generous amount of it to the thermos.

"X, you don't have to."

"I want to." She turned to face him once more and looked at him sadly. "In three hours time, I can't do this anymore. You wanted our interaction to be purely professional and I can accept that. But it means that I have to pretend that I don't know how much you love white coffee with 2 sugars; the milk has to be full cream, you hate those low fats, skim, soy or any kind of milk that you said taste 'horrible'. I have to pretend that I don't know how you love blueberry pancakes or how you always put 2 swirls of honey and 1 swirl of maple syrup on top of it." She blinked her tears away before continuing. "So let me make this coffee for you."

"Kate..."

She looked up to him surprised as her name rolled from his lips.

"You misunderstood." He moved closer to her once more. "You thought that I don't want to be your friend anymore. That wasn't what I meant."

He closed his eyes briefly, trying to reorganise his thoughts. "My intention this morning was simply to start distancing ourselves away for a little bit. Whether we like it or not, we can't have the last 4 months' level of closeness anymore. I thought that we could start with calling each other Dutchy and X again all the time, like we used to in the beginning. I'm sorry that I was too busy trying to be professional, watching what I said and how I behaved around you, that I forgot how to be your friend."

His thumb caught a few tears that had escaped during his explanation. "Kate, despite everything that had happened between us, I would never stop being your friend. My ears would always be listening if you decided to whinge and you could always use my shoulder to cry on."

She reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, grateful for his statement. She felt that her mind started to relax and her tongue loosened a little bit. "I'm scared, Dylan."

"Of what?" He looked at her worriedly. He could see that there was something weighing on her mind.

She took a deep breath and tightened her hold on his hand. "I didn't lodge my transfer request."

"I thought so, since you are still here," he said patiently.

"I applied for a promotion instead."

"Really? Good on you..." His lips started to form a smile. "I assumed that you wanted to be the CO of Hammersley, so that he could have his shore posting back and you could have the best of both worlds?"

She couldn't resist smiling back at him. "Do you think that's too preposterous?"

He smirked at her. "No. I think that it is a very neat plan."

"See... That's what I'm afraid about. Regardless of how neat or how perfect it sounds, it is just a plan. Everything could go wrong. They could still reject my application."

He shook his head strongly. "The brass would be a fool to do that. Everybody knows that you've handled difficult situation as the XO and an acting CO very well in the past. They have no reason to reject your application."

"You are so biased!" She rolled her eyes at him, but she couldn't deny that his words had boosted her confidence, even just a little bit.

He grinned. "Guilty as charged. But the fact of the matter is that you are an outstanding officer and you deserve to progress well in your career. If the Navy couldn't recognise what a great asset you are to them, then it's their loss."

A sudden click and the sound of water boiling broke their conversation.

Dylan chuckled softly. "I guess that's the sign that I have to go back to the bridge. With my luck recently, I wouldn't be surprised if 2Dads was falling asleep up there."

She let his hand go and turned around to continue making his coffee. "You definitely wouldn't want that. Imagine where we could end up sailing to instead of the original course."

He grinned at her sarcasm. He was grateful that they had a chance to straighten things up. He could also feel that their chat had done wonders to both of them, allowing them to relax around each other after a tense first day on patrol.

Before long, she gave him the thermos. He could smell the wonderful aroma from the dark liquid in the thermos on his hand. It invigorated his tired mind and senses. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome." She smiled at him.

He smiled back at her. He was about to open the galley door when her voice reached him again.

"Dutchy?"

"Yes, X."

She looked at his eyes once more, grateful that she had her friend back. "I'm glad that you decided to stay, even if it's temporary."

"Me too."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 5**

_A/N: This chapter is a missing scene from episode 5.01 The Third Man, with a twist... Also, this is set approximately 3 months after the last chapter._

* * *

"Charge refused to leave 2Dads alone." Swain said resignedly.

"So what do we do now?" Dylan posed the question on everyone's mind.

"We wait for the bomb squad." The coldness in Madelaine Cruise's voice sent chill to even the bravest of heart.

Dylan looked at the woman incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"You have a better idea, Petty Officer?" her eyes challenged Dylan's.

"The bomb squad wouldn't be here for another 2 hours. You know that this kind of bomb is extremely volatile. Charge and 2Dads might not have that much time!"

"He is right Madelaine," Jim looked at the woman beside him pointedly. "Let me give it a shot in disarming the bomb..."

"No!" She cut his words strongly. "This mission is already in shambles. I don't need another setback. Losing the head of the SAS operative and Lennox Rahman to a futile attempt on bomb disposal would be just that and not to mention, extremely foolish!"

Kate couldn't believe this woman's heartlessness. There was no mention of Charge and 2Dads name in her argument, as if they were not human being, as if they were just insects that happened to be in the room with the bomber. She could feel that Dylan, who was standing beside her, was shaking with rage. She was about to give the woman a piece of her mind when Mike interrupted first.

"Ms Cruise, I'm sure you appreciate that we all are extremely worried about Charge and 2Dads and wants to do something to help them. Could you please have a little bit more compassion to the situation?" Frustration clearly shown in his voice.

"Compassion? Commander, if not for your bleeding heart and your so called compassion, this situation wouldn't have happened. We supposed to be able to extract that crucial information about Rahman's whereabouts a lot faster without your interruption and got to him before he was leaving the safe house!"

"This is not the place nor the time to place blame on somebody, Ms Cruise. If you think that we did something wrong, write it up in your report later!" Mike challenged her. "But right now, I need to know whether there is any other way to do this safely rather than waiting for 2 hours!"

"No! We are..."

"Boss, let me try..." Dylan cut off Madelaine abruptly; turning his gaze to his CO.

Kate was stunned at his words. _What was he thinking?_

"Dutchy, this is not the time to play hero." Mike stared at him sternly.

"I've done this before. Twice."

"And the outcome?"

"Everybody got out alive both times."

"That's better than me. I've only done it once." Jim interjected.

Mike still stared hard at Dylan, assessing him. He then turned his head to look at Madelaine, who had been surprisingly quiet throughout the whole exchange. "Ms Cruise?"

"It's your decision, Commander. But let me tell you, if he failed to bring Lennox Rahman alive, then I would make sure that your superiors knew about your reckless decision." With those parting words, she turned around and left the small group. Jim looked as if he was torn between following her and staying with the Hammersley's senior crews, but at the end, he nodded to all of them and walked away.

"Dutchy, I don't like this..." Mike sighed. He hated this situation. Part of him didn't want to put Dutchy in danger, but at the same time, Charge and 2Dads needed help and fast. He searched the man's eyes once again. "Are you sure about this?"

"I am, Sir," Dylan answered without any hesitation.

"Very well," Mike finally relented, "But, you have to wear full protective gear..."

"But, Sir..."

"No buts! You're not going to that fuel tank without it. Understood?"

"Yes, Boss."

Still suspicious about Dylan's quick compliance in the matter, Mike turned to Kate slightly, knowing that if anyone could get the stubborn bosun to follow his order, it would be her.

"X, make sure that he at least put Kevlar and helmet on."

Kate could only nod at his order. Her voice was failing her at the moment. She could see that Dylan was about to protest again. She suspected that his protest wouldn't be about Mike doubting his ability to think rationally about his own safety, but it might be about the fact that Mike was just ordering her to be anywhere near the bomb.

She then reached for his arm. Startled by the touch, he turned his head to look at her. Their eyes met.  
_  
__Please don't argue._  
_  
__I'm not going to let you be that close to the bomb._

He broke the gaze first. Knowing how stubborn they both could be, they could have a staring contest for a very long time and he knew that they were pressing for time. He then gave her a nod and turned back to the direction of the ship. He had a job to do and the quicker he put on that damn Kevlar, the quicker Kate could go back to a safe place.

* * *

"Dutchy, wear extra plate."

Dylan was just reaching for his normal vest when he heard her order.

"X, we don't have time for this," he said with a tinge of frustration in his voice.

"Yes we do! Even if we don't, we will make time. This is your life we are talking about here." She replied sternly.

"Even if I wore 10 extra plates, the chances of me surviving that bomb if I screwed up was probably less than 1%, X."

She closed their distance and stood only centimetres from him. "Then 1% is good enough for me. I'll take that chance."

Their eyes met again.

For a while, none of them spoke. Each stubbornly refused to give in.

Then he saw it.

He saw fear in her eyes. Fear for his life. Fear for their crewmates in that fuel tank.

He instantly felt guilty for being so difficult. His best friend was just trying to protect him in her own way. All he had to do was wearing an extra plate under his Kevlar, but he had made it sounded like she had asked him to wear a tutu or something else equally horrible.

"X, I'm sorry..."

She closed her eyes briefly. "Why does it have to be you?" she asked quietly.

"Why couldn't it be me?" he replied, just as quiet.

His hand then reached out for hers, silently asking her to trust his judgement. When he felt her entwined their fingers, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"X, I have the set of skills for this. If something happened with the guys when I did nothing for the next 2 hours, then you knew I would never forgive myself. All the what ifs would destroy me."

"So you would rather be died trying. Is that what you're saying to me?" she asked resignedly.

"Yes." He squeezed her hands tighter. "I believe you know that already at the back of your mind. Otherwise, you would've protested a lot harder than this. You would demand me to change my mind, not demanding me to wear an extra plate under my vest."

She only looked at him with exasperation written all over her face; not bothering to reply at his statements because she knew it was true. But it didn't mean that she liked it.

She then poked his chest hard. "You owe me a lot of pancakes and horse riding lessons for worrying me like this, big fella."

His lips slowly formed a grin at her demand.

"As you wish, X."

* * *

Kate had spent the last hour fidgeting back and forth among the crews at the evacuation point. She was elated when Mike appeared with Charge and 2Dads in tow only 15 minutes after she left Dylan on top of the hatch to the fuel tank. But when she realised that Dylan was not behind them, the sense of elation quickly dissipated.  
_  
__What took him so long?_

"Kate, he'll be fine," Mike's voice echoed from her left.

She looked at him briefly before staring at Hammersley again. "You don't know that, Sir."

She could feel him looking at her worriedly. Mike could never understand her friendship with Dylan. There was a time in the beginning of their re-kindled relationship where Mike was always looking at the other man with a scrutiny in his eyes, probably wondering why a man with a reputation like Dylan still stuck around her when she clearly chose another man. But lately, the two men seemed to get along better. Although Mike still raised his eyebrows whenever she spent time with Dylan, he didn't sound jealous anymore. When she asked Dylan about that, he only gave his patented grin to her and refused to explain other than mentioning that they had a 'man to man' conversation.

"If it does blow, Charge, is there any chance of saving the ship?" Once again, Mike's voice broke her thoughts.  
_  
__The ship? Mike, a man's life is more important than a piece of metal!_

She stared at him and Charge in disbelief. She had to take a deep breath and stared straight ahead to calm herself down. But then, her eyes stumbled to the brown-hair of Madelaine Cruise.

"I don't think she gives a stuff about Dutchy."

"Course not, mate. She's only worried he'll blow up her source of information."

She heard Charge and Swain's voice echoed what she already knew. She could feel hatred towards the woman for being so ruthless. She understood that the agent wanted to complete her mission successfully, but did she have to be that heartless?

Kate looked towards the ship once more, willing Dylan to appear from the inside. The longer she waited here, the stronger the feeling of dread inside her stomach.

Then she felt the air shifted. Suddenly, there was no wind. She could no longer hear voices around her, as if everyone's voice was muffled by an outside force. _What's going on?_

And it happened.

A mighty explosion.

The force threw her to the ground. She could feel the hot blast burned her skin.

She then looked back to where the ship was.

Only, there was no ship. There was only thick black smoke rising up to the blue sky.

"No..." She could only whisper softly as the devastation slowly spreading through her being.  
_  
__Dylan..._

* * *

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 6**

_A/N: this chapter is set straight after the previous one._

* * *

The first thing she noticed was darkness.

Then, a second later, she noticed that she couldn't breathe_._ She could hear her pants of breath, trying to force air into her lungs.  
_  
__It was just a dream, Kate. A really bad dream. Dylan is alive and well. He is probably snoring on his bed at the moment. _

Flinging her blanket to the side, she drew her knees to her chest and held tight.  
_  
__Deep breath, Kate, deep breath!_

But nothing seemed to work. Her brain kept replaying the moment the ship blew up over and over again. She kept losing him. She kept losing her best friend.

Her breath started to hitch. Tears started to develop at the back of her eyes.

She then blindly reached for her mobile phone on the nightstand, scrolling through her list of contact numbers for his. She just needed to hear his voice. Just for a few seconds.

She pressed the green button and waited.

* * *

"Dylan Mulholland..." A very sleepy voice answered after the fifth ring.

Tears of relief trickled down her cheek instantly. She had to close her mouth with her hand to muffle her sob that threatened to break through her throat.

Few suburbs away, Dylan was puzzled by the lack of response from the other side of the phone line. "Hello?" he tried again. Still no response.

He then squinted to look at the caller ID on his mobile, cursing himself for not bothering to check before he answered the damn phone.

Seeing the name on his phone screen, his clouded brain was instantly on alert.

"X?" he sat up straighter against the headboard.

When she still didn't respond, his mind started to think of the worse. _Was she hurt? Was she being attacked? Was she being kidnapped and this was her way of letting someone knew where she was? _

"Kate?"

And then he heard it. A tiny sob.

His gut clenched. "Kate, are you alright?"

A few beats of silence later, he couldn't take it anymore. He put his phone to speaker, got up to his feet and searched for the light switch on the wall. He then grabbed his T-shirt and jeans from earlier and quickly put them on. Grabbing his keys, wallet and jacket, he turned the speaker phone off and brought it up to his ear again.

"Kate, I'm coming... Just hang in there."

_"OK..."  
_  
When he heard her whispered agreement, his gut unclenched a little.

"I'm going to hang up now. I'll be there in 10..." He replied softly.

_"20..."_

His lips curved upwards at her protest. "No traffic at this hour."

_"I need you alive..."_

He closed his eyes briefly at the desperation he could hear in her voice. He finally knew what bothered her. Nightmares.

"Of course. I'll be careful. Just take a deep breath and wait for me on the couch, OK?"

_"OK..."_

He was about to hang up when she spoke again.

"_Dylan?"  
_  
"Yes?"

_"Thank you..."_

"You're welcome."

* * *

Kate didn't really pay attention to the time anymore. She sat on the couch quietly, hugging her knees close to her chest. Now that she was somewhat calmer, she couldn't help but feel a little bit ashamed of herself. She had a mini-breakdown because of a nightmare. Not only that, she also had disrupted someone's sleep at 3 am in the morning. And that certain someone was now probably speeding on his bike in his rush to see her, simply to make her feel better. She was toying with the idea of calling him back and telling him to ignore her; to go back to sleep and forget that her call had ever happened. But she couldn't bring herself to pick up her phone and dial his number.

She sighed softly and looked to her reflection in her patio glass door. A tired and pale face was looking back at her, mocking her for being weak and needy. She wondered how Dylan coped with all the nightmares he had after the gulf incident. He had to see his best mate dying in front of his eyes over and over again. And when he woke up, he couldn't call his mate to hear his voice like she did with him, because Lieutenant Ryan was really dead. His nightmares were not a figment of imagination like hers did, his was a horrible memory of what actually had happened.

The sound of her ringtone broke her train of thoughts. Seeing his name on her screen, she pressed the green button for a second time that night.

"Hi..."

_"Hey..."_

She could hear the tentativeness of his voice and had to smile at that. She bet her last dollar that his next words would be asking her whether she still wanted him to come.

_"Do you still want me to be there?"_

She shook her head at his typical consideration for her. Behind his macho exterior, he could be really sweet. It was a shame that he only let very few people see this side of him.

"It depends on whether you have pancakes with you."

_"As a matter of fact, I do."_

Stunned that her joke had backfired, she went silent for a few seconds.

_"Kate?"_ Worry crept back into his voice.

"Are you seriously bringing pancakes?"

He laughed at her incredulous tone. _"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?"_

"You are crazy. You know that, right?"

_"I know..."_ he replied with a small smile on his face. _"So, do I pass the test to come through the door?"  
_  
"It's not locked," she grimaced on how stupid that sounded. The first thing she did when she went down the stairs from her bedroom was unlocking the door for him. Now she realised that it was a pretty dangerous thing to do. Her house was in a gated complex, but still, there were a lot of bad people out there. What was worse, she had actually forgotten that she did that until he mentioned the door.

_"Kate..."_ He couldn't believe what he just heard.

"I know... I know..." She could hear his disapproving tone. "Could you please just get in here and lock the door behind you?"

_"Fine. But, we are definitely going to talk about this."  
_  
She rolled her eyes at his words. This was the side of him that annoyed her sometimes. The overprotective one.

"Fine. Now, could you please..."

He chuckled softly. _"OK. I'm hanging up now."  
_  
After pressing the red button on his phone to end their conversation, he walked to her front door and turned the door knob. The door opened without any resistance, exactly as she said it would. He shook his head at her carelessness. For her to do something like this, she must be absolutely distracted, which meant that the nightmare must be really horrific.

He stepped inside the house, locking the door behind him. He turned to the direction of her kitchen first; intending to store the pancakes inside the fridge. Once that was done, he then moved through the hallway once more. He could see her silhouette on the couch in the dimly lit living room. He briefly considered hitting the light switch on the left wall to brighten the room up, but then decided to ask her first.

When he finally reached her couch, what he saw made his gut clenched once again. Sitting there in one corner of the couch with her arms hugging her knees close to her chest, she looked so impossibly small. She had such a commanding presence at work that sometimes he forgot the fact that there was only a small difference between hers and Bird's statures. Seeing her like this, he had to fight the urge to just lift her to his lap and hug her close.

He then put his keys and helmet on her coffee table, before gingerly perching himself to the seat next to her.

Feeling the couch dipped under his weight, she lifted her chin from her knees and took in the sight of him.

"You're really alive."

The obvious relief in her voice made him wondered what exactly had happened to him in her nightmare. "Come on, it's not that easy to get rid of me..."

Her lips curved upwards slightly at his attempt to lighten up the atmosphere.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head softly. "Not really."

"Talking helps, you know. I wished that I had someone who would listen to me when I had nightmares like this. It wasn't until I went home to my parents' a month after the gulf that someone cared enough to encourage me to talk about it. Well, 'encourage' might be the wrong word for it, my mum practically beg me to tell her; simply because she couldn't stand to see me being such a mess and wanted to share the burden."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. She was reminded by how much he cared for her. He cared enough to come and buy her pancakes at 3 am in the morning. He cared enough to share one of his lowest points of his life simply because he wanted to make her feel better.

"We were back in front of Hammersley on that dock in Samjung Island." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Every event was exactly the same. The argument with that horrible woman. The frustrating conversation with you about the extra plate on your vest. Then, I was standing on that dock, waiting for you to come out. Except that..."

"I never did..." he continued softly.

"Yes." She reached out for his hand. Understanding her gesture, he gripped her hand in his and held tight. "The ship blew up. I could still smell the smoke. I could still feel my ears ringing at the sound of the explosion." A few tears escaped from her eyes at the memory. She wiped it angrily. "This is stupid."

"It's not stupid."

"Yes, it is!"

"Kate..."

Few more tears escaped from her eyes when he said her name. This time he closed his distance and pulled her to his chest. Circling his arms around her petite frame, he then kissed the top of her head softly, ignoring the fact that he no longer had the right to do this. She needed him and if a hug was what she needed, he would give it to her.

Burying her head on his chest, she could hear his heart beat, a strong reminder of the fact that he was alive and well. She gripped his shirt tightly; no longer cared of the fact that they had crossed the physical boundaries they had set after that late night conversation in the galley.

"I never realise how much I miss you saying my name." She lifted her head from his chest slightly, allowing her to look at his blue eyes.

"It must be my sexy voice then," he teased her playfully.

She scowled at his grin. "You are such an incorrigible man."

He chuckled. "But you wouldn't have me any other way, right?"

She could only smile at his antics, before resting her head on his chest once more.

"So... You agree that there will be no more Dutchy and X stuff off the ship?"

"Hu-uh."

"What about hugs? Are we allowed to do that for special occasion? Or tonight is an exception?" He couldn't help himself, he had to ask. After all, she was in a relationship with another man and as far as he knew, her relationship was leaving the status quo behind, especially in the light of her impending promotion. The last thing he wanted was making the boss jealous and possibly ruining her happy ending for his own selfish need.

"Dylan... It's just hugs. People hug each other all the times. We're not stranger, we're best friends. So yes, we can hug each other sometimes. Not on board the ship though," she said thoughtfully.

"Good," he whispered his agreement softly and tightened his embrace a little. "Do you want to go back to sleep? It's only half past three, you must be tired."

She shook her head strongly. "No... Not now. Could we please just sit here and talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked curiously.

She was quiet for a few seconds, contemplating the future topic of their conversation. "How about you tell me something that I don't know about you."

"Hmm. There's a lot that you don't know about me, Kate," he grinned at her.

"I know." She grinned back at him. "Pick one then."

"Well... I can cook. And before you ask, I don't mean grilling meat on a BBQ. I can honestly cook from scratch."

She looked at him suspiciously. "You're not pulling my leg, are you?"

"Nope. My skill is quite rusty though. I haven't had a lot of practice for the last year or so." He smiled at her dumbstruck expression. "Don't look so surprised. Most executive chefs are men, you know."

"But we always order take-away, eat-out, or we eat my cooking when we hang out together. Why don't you ever say anything about that skill of yours?" she asked incredulously.

He grinned at her questions. "I like watching you cook. You look so adorable when you cook. The way you bite your bottom lip when you try to figure out a recipe. The way your forehead frown in concentration when you made a stir-fry."

"I don't look adorable. I was cooking. It's the thing you have to do to produce a meal." She couldn't help but blushed at the notion of him watching her.

"See... that's where you're mistaken. You attacked cooking as if it was a task to complete, like boarding a vessel. But cooking is not like that. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be about family time, about caring for the people that you cook for. When you look at the satisfaction and wonder in your family's faces as they eat their dinner, all the long hours in the kitchen are forgotten and cooking becomes a joy."

She looked at the man beside her silently. Watching him passionately defending his view of cooking made her realised that she had never had that. Not even when she was little. Cooking for her was a survival method. She didn't realise that even after all these years, she still treated it like that.

As she went from blushing to being very quiet, Dylan wondered if he offended her with his analysis of her cooking. He was about to open his mouth to apologise when she started to speak.

"I've never had that. Fun dinner time." Her gaze was fixed somewhere around her house, avoiding to see his penetrating gaze. "My mother never cooked for me either."

"Then who..."

"We had a chef when we were back in England. But once we were here, I cooked. I've been cooking since I was tall enough to reach the kitchen bench."

"That's just wrong..." He was outraged for her. Hell, he was livid. No kids should be cooking alone. They could help, like what her mother used to ask him to, but to cook for herself and her mother, without anyone else's help, that was just unbelievable. How old was she when she could reach a kitchen bench? 11? 12?

"It might be wrong. But that's the way it was. I cooked for myself with food that I bought with my own money from working after school. With a mother that could barely able to hold a job when she was sober enough to do so, money was scarce. Even though the store could only give me minimum wages because I was a child, at least I was able to buy pen and blank notebooks for school and small amount of food to feed myself."

"Where was your father when all of this happened?" he asked with a barely contained anger in his voice. As she looked at him with sadness in her eyes, he knew that her story would change from bad to worse.

"My mother left my father when I was 9. She then brought me all the way from England to a small mining town in Queensland to follow an opal miner by the name of Tom. But it turned out that he was just playing with her. So, left broken-hearted with a nine-year-old in tow and small amount of money in the middle of nowhere, she became lost to the bottle, drugs and whatever else she could get her hands on."

"Please tell me that there were some good memories too when you live in that town." He couldn't stand his imagination of a young Kate McGregor with a sad eyes and pale face, working in a general store or washing dishes in a diner any longer. He unconsciously tightened his embrace around her, almost wishing that he could travel back in time and asked his parents to adopt her and get her out of the kind of misery she experienced.

"There were. But it was very few and far in between." Sensing his desperation, she racked her brain for any happy memories that she could still remember. "There was Mrs Fields, who lived few doors down from my house. She was nice."

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard that.

"She used to bake cookies for me and she let me stay with her when my mother was in her violent mode. Although..."

She snorted unamused. "I chose the wrong memory, Dylan. I'm sorry."

His heart clenched for her. "What happened?"

"My mother found out that I had been staying at Mrs Fields' house and asked her current boyfriend at the time, a low-life named Barry, to ransack the old lady's house."

"Christ..." He kissed her temple softly. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

"Don't be." She lifted her head to look at his eyes once more. "I learned a lot from my less than ideal childhood. That horrible upbringing shaped me to become what I am today. I think I turned out to be alright despite the circumstances."

He smiled at her. "I think so too. You are a great woman, Kate. Never forget that..."

"Thank you." She reached up to kiss his cheek briefly and then placed her head on his shoulder. "You said you brought pancakes before?"

"Yes. They're in the fridge," he turned his head slightly to look at her. "Do you want them now?"

"Hu-uh... All this talking made me hungry," she said sheepishly, choosing not to tell him that she didn't have dinner the previous night.

He chuckled at her confession. He then remembered that he could do something to cheer her up besides eating their normal pancakes. "Do you want me to make you something instead?"

She raised her eyebrows at his offer. "Eager to show off, aren't you?"

"Hey..." He said in mock outraged. "Here I am trying to make you feel better and you accused me of showing off...tsk...tsk..tsk..."

She rolled her eyes at him in mock annoyance, but she was smiling. "What do you have in mind?"

"French toast."

Her eyes lightened up at the mention of the culinary delight.

He smiled at her obvious excitement. "I take that as a yes then?"

Not waiting for her answer, he let her go from his embrace, got up from the couch and extended his hand in front of her; inviting her to join him in the kitchen.

Her eyes softened as she looked up at him. She wasn't blind. The man still had feelings for her. She knew that she didn't deserve his affection anymore and yet, here she was, telling him her less than stellar childhood stories and using his chest as a pillow once more. There was just something about her best friend that made her wanted to share her burden with him. Maybe it was his endless patience when he listened to her. Maybe it was his amazing level of consideration for her feelings that no one had ever given her in her whole life, not even Mike. Whatever the reason was, she knew that she was lucky to have him in her life.

"Kate?"

She shook her head free from her thoughts and then put her hands in his. He pulled her up from the couch and led the way to her kitchen.

"Dylan..."

"Hmm..." He rummaged her pantry and fridge to look for all the ingredients.

"You don't have to make up for my mother's inadequacy by doing this."

He carefully put the eggs on one of the benches, before turning to look at her. "Kate, no one can do that and I'm not trying to. I just want to make you French toast because I can and I'm good at this." He grinned broadly to emphasise his last statement.

She couldn't help but grin back at him for his usual tendency to be over-confident. "You better make this worth all the mess, big fella."

"Believe me, when you taste this, you wouldn't want to taste any other."

She raised her eyebrows at his outrageous claim. "Then what are you doing still standing in my kitchen doing nothing, huh? Start cooking, Petty Officer!"

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 7**

_A/N: This chapter is set after 5.02 Eye for an Eye episode. We are also entering alternate universe from this chapter. I might still refer to episodes after 5.02 in future chapters, but most of the time, the story is not following cannon any more._

* * *

"Petty Officer, please have a seat." Cmdr White's sharp voice instantly put Dylan on alert.

"Thank you, Ma'am." He sat in his seat in front of her desk carefully and held his white hat on his lap, wondering why she was requesting his presence directly after Hammersley finished its current rotation.

"If I'm not mistaken, you requested a frigate transfer around three months ago?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He looked at her with questions in his eyes, wondering whether this would be what he thought it was.

"I have an offer for you." She paused and looked at him in the eye, as if she was expecting him to say something. "There is a bosun position available in HMAS Childers. Their bosun, Petty Officer Cooke, has sustained a gunshot wound to his leg in one of the boardings and will be out of action for at least 6 months. I know that this is not a frigate position, but I'm running out of option for replacement."

"I appreciate the offer, Ma'am, but I think that I need time to think about it," he replied carefully.

She sighed. "Petty Officer, normally, I would give you a few days or even a week to think about the offer. But unfortunately, we don't have that kind of luxury. Childers is scheduled to sail tomorrow afternoon to assist with the flood recovery in the island near the Gulf of Carpentaria. Initially, Petty Officer Rawlinson would be the replacement in Childers, but he couldn't make it to Cairns tomorrow due to family emergency in Sydney."

"If I took the offer, Ma'am, then I suppose Petty Officer Rawlinson would be my replacement?"

"Correct. But if you decided not to take the offer, then Hammersley would be the one that has to takeover that flood recovery task. I'm reluctant to do that though because Hammersley had been in 2 back-to-back patrols and I'm sure your crewmates could use some downtime, especially after the event involving Lieutenant McGregor recently. But, it's up to you, Petty Officer."

Dylan couldn't help but feel as if he was being blackmailed by the woman in front of him. In all honesty, he actually forgot about the transfer paper that he had lodged straight after the event following Gorsky's incident. Now he was not sure if he still wanted to transfer out from Hammersley and leaving his pseudo family behind; leaving _Kate_ behind. He sighed inwardly. Somehow, his life was now revolved around her. He was literally her right-hand man at work, anticipating her order and the danger that always lurked around her. In addition to that, he was also her best friend. They finally had relaxed their physical boundaries after that late night conversation on her couch. Not to mention that the boss finally had accepted his presence in her life. They formed a protective wall around her, shielding her from any harm. This last patrol was a strong proof of that.

But how long could he do this for? Being in Hammersley was all good now, when Kate and the boss were still officially in a status quo. He could pretend that he didn't know what was going on. He could still be her best friend without getting in the way of their relationship. But what about when she got promoted and were the CO? How would he handle the fact that she could finally be with the man that she loved officially? Would he still want to stick around then? Seeing her walked down the aisle towards Mike Flynn? Seeing her stomach swell, carrying their baby? Could he still be smiling and be happy for her while he was hurting inside?

"Petty Officer, I'm sorry for doing this. But, I need your answer now." Cmdr White's voice broke his thoughts.

He closed his eyes briefly to escape from his superior's penetrating gaze, but what he saw in his own mind made his heart clenched. A vision of her running on the gangway towards her husband and son. A kiss and a group hug later; she then lifted the boy to her hips. From his position behind her, he could see the boy clearly. He was a splitting image of his father except for his green eyes, his mother's eyes.

"Petty Officer, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes to find Cmdr White's blue eyes stared at him with a mix of irritation and worry. He then took a deep breath and put his mask in place again. Now he knew what he had to do.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"So, do you have the answer?"

* * *

"That looks like some hard liquor there." 2Dads whistled appreciatively at the content of the bottle that the bartender currently poured to five shot glasses in front of his XO.

Swain and Charge looked at their XO worriedly. She usually declined their offer to join them in the bar, except for special occasions like birthdays, farewells or a rare event like in the Luga Bar. But even then, she normally only ordered glasses of red wine or something else, never vodka. So the sight of her barging into the bar and sitting on the opposite corner of the bar while nursing vodka was hard to fathom.

"Do you think something or someone upset her?" Charge asked his two companions.

"Charge, she shot a girl and then she was hunted by the girl's brothers, almost got ran down and choked to death, not to mention Bird's ordeal. If I were her, I would swallow some hard liquor too..." 2Dads looked at Charge with a 'duh' expression on his face. "Give her a break, she's only human."

Charge raised his eyebrows at 2Dads fierce defence of their XO's behaviour. "Looks like someone has a crush..."

"What?" 2Dads' eyes bulged at Charge's insinuation. "You're crazy!"

Charge couldn't help but laugh at the younger man's expression. "Mate, you're too easy..."

"That's not funny, Charge! If something like that going around the ship, she'll kill me instantly. I'm too young to die!" 2Dads shuddered at the thought.

"Well, that'll teach you a lesson not to gossip," Charge looked at him with a grin on his face.

"I still think there is another reason why she is here at 3 in the afternoon and drinking herself to oblivion," Swain's contemplative words effectively sobered up his companion from their bickering session.

"What's your theory, Swaino?"

"I don't know." Swain shrugged. "It's just that the last time I saw her like that was the night after that patrol in Karumba. I remember that she ordered vodka, just like that. The only difference is that Dutchy is not by her side to keep an eye on her."

The three of them were silent for a minute, contemplating what to do with the puzzling sight only a few metres to their left side.

"Speaking of Dutchy, where is he?"

"Miss me already, Charge?" Dylan's voice startled them.

"Hey..." Charge's gaze locked on the other man's white uniform. "Gee, you look too formal to be in a bar."

Dylan smirked at Charge's comment. "Just saw Commander White at Navcom."

"Why? You're not in trouble, are you?"

Dylan huffed. "I'm not you, 2Dads." He then put his bag under the bar stool before taking a seat beside Swain and flagging the bartender for a beer. "What are you guys up to just before? You all looked like you're focusing on something."

"That..." Swain flicked his chin to Dylan's left side, causing Dylan to follow his gaze. What he saw worried him instantly.

"How long has she been here?" Dylan looked at the three of them questioningly.

"10 - 15 minutes... That is only her first order." Dylan met Swain's worried gaze. They both had been in this situation before. Last time, Swain had to offer them both a place to sleep because she was so wasted.

"I think you should go over there, Dutchy." Swain's statement surprised Dylan.

"Why? She is a grown woman, Swain," he said as calmly as possible, maintaining the facade of him being nothing more than a concerned crewmate. No one needed to know the extent of their relationship and the length he would go to care for her, especially because the two biggest gossips in Hammersley were actually sitting only few metres away.

"That was what I've been trying to say to them, Dutchy. But obviously then didn't listen to me." 2Dads looked at the two senior sailors pointedly.

"Because she always talks to you in the ship and she always listens to you in her own way," Swain explained patiently, ignoring 2Dads' statement.

"But that's ship business. Not about her freedom to drink," Dylan replied, still resisting the urge to follow Swain's advice and his own desire to take care of her.

But another glance in her direction crumbled the little resistance he had. He was itching to just march up to her side and give her the tightest hug he could give, gossips be damn. She looked so lost. Her eyes were hollow and she was focusing on her drink as if her life depending on it. What the hell happened?

"Could you please just watch my bag?" Not waiting for Swain's reply, he then grabbed his beer and started walking towards her.

* * *

_"Kate, you're not on the list..."_

Mike delivered the news like ripping a band-aid, as if he thought that if he spoke the words as quickly as he could, then the pain would be less. But unfortunately, that sentence really hurt her. It didn't matter how he delivered the words. It didn't matter that he tried to soften the blow beforehand by asking how she was feeling. In the end, the fact remained that she was not on the promotion's list. She wouldn't be Hammersley's CO and their plan was once again in limbo.

She was waiting for him to say something else after that. But he was quiet. Very quiet. He only looked at her with that brooding look of his. Suddenly she felt that she couldn't breathe. She needed to get out of his office as quickly as she could. So she got up and walked out without even saying goodbye, half expecting that Mike would wake up from whatever trance he was in and stopped her. But he didn't. He didn't say anything to comfort her. He didn't even reassure her that everything would be alright. He just froze.

And once again, she was alone in her misery, with only vodka as her friend.

Suddenly, she could feel someone was standing on her right side. She sighed inwardly. She thought that at 3 pm, the bar wouldn't be that busy. Surely there were plenty of stools somewhere else. She had no desire to make a chit-chat to anyone, let alone a stranger. That was why she purposely chose to sit at the opposite side of the bar to where her three sailors were. Even if they saw her, they wouldn't dare to approach her in her current predicament. She might be loosened up a lot in terms of her interaction with her sailors, but for the most part, she was still their superior, even on shore leaves.

"Is this seat taken?" A familiar voice made her looked up from her drinks and straight to a pair of blue eyes that never fail to strip bare her soul. This time was no exception. She was overwhelmed by the urge to just launch herself to his arm and cry her disappointment. But the sight of his white uniform reminded her once again of the rules. Rules that prevented her from seeking comfort from her best friend in this very public place. So, she settled with shaking her head softly as the answer to his question.

Dylan sat on the bar stool next to her and sipped his beer quietly, content to just keep her company and wait until she opened a line of conversation.

"Did the boys send you here?" She asked after swallowing her fourth shot of the night.

"Swain did. They're all worried about you." He replied quietly.

She huffed. "I can take care of myself. I've survived more than one attempt on my life this patrol. I think I've proven that I could do my job properly, don't you think so?"

He frowned at her response. "Of course. No one doubts your ability to do your job."

She snorted unamused. "The Navy brass does." She then quickly swallowed her fifth shot and raised her hand to flag the bartender once more. But before she could lift her hand more than an inch, Dylan had grabbed her right hand tightly, preventing her from getting the attention of the bar staff.

"Kate, what's wrong?" He then entwined their fingers together and turned his body slightly so that he could face her. "Would you please talk to me?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I didn't get the promotion. I won't be Hammersley's new CO."

"What?" He stared at her in disbelief. "There must be a mistake."

She smiled sarcastically. "The only mistake here was the fact that I foolishly believed that everything would go as planned."

"But it doesn't make sense. You're the favourite in this race. Everybody knows that." He was outraged for her. He couldn't even imagine how she felt right now. No wonder she went straight here looking for liquor.

"Well, apparently the board thinks that I'm not good enough. Everybody else could think whatever they want, but it doesn't change the fact that I didn't get the job." A lone tear trickled down her cheek. She then blinked her eyes quickly to prevent that lone tear turning to a stream of tears. She couldn't lose it. Not here. Not now.

He tightened his hold on her fingers. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I know how much you wanted this."

She saw the sadness in his eyes for her and smiled sadly at him. "When I was in the academy, my goal was to be a Chief of Navy one day." She paused to gather her thought. "My plan was to be the best graduate the Navy ever had then worked my way up on the frigates to achieve the end goal."

"Vice Admiral Kate McGregor. I like the sound of that," he grinned at her.

Seeing his infectious grin, her lips finally formed her first genuine smile for the last hour or so. "Too ambitious, huh?"

"Nope... With your brain and your attitude, anything is possible, Kate."

She shook her head at his confidence for her. "I couldn't even get a promotion to be a Lieutenant Commander, Dylan, let alone a Vice Admiral."

"Kate, the way I see it, the question on the table is not about your ability to do it. But, do you actually still _want_ to be a Chief of Navy?"

She sighed. "I honestly don't know." _What does she actually want in life?_

"If you still want to be a Chief of Navy, then you're doing this the wrong way. You need to transfer back to the frigates and then climbed up the ladder there, not on patrol boat. But if your want to get your personal life in order, then don't let this non-promotion hold you up. Once he is on shore posting, make it official, marry him and have the white-picket fence and 2.5 kids..."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Since when do you become a therapist?"

"Since my friend needed it a few minutes ago," he countered smartly.

She then went quiet once more. He was wondering whether he was overstepping the boundary with his so called advice. But, he honestly thought that she could still get the best of both worlds, even without the promotion. The Hammersley would get a new CO, the boss would be off the ship and they would finally be free to be together. He paused on the middle of his thought. Unless... the boss was staying in Hammersley...

"Kate, what did the boss say about all of this?" he asked carefully.

When she looked at him with a hint of anger in her eyes, he braced himself for the ugly truth. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" he said incredulously.

"Yes. He just sat there on his chair..."

Dylan couldn't help but thinking that something was very wrong in this picture. The boss was the one who should be here, reassuring her that they could still be together, that this was not the end of the road for her. Not him. All his reassurance meant nothing if the man in question didn't even reaffirm his intention towards her.

"Now that the questioning is over, can I order some more of this?" she gestured to the empty glasses in front of her.

He sighed inwardly. As he said to the boys before, he had no right to prevent her from drinking. She looked like she needed it anyway. "Fine. But don't blame me when you wake up with extreme hangover tomorrow morning."

"Dylan, I just want to forget about today. I want to drink until I pass out. And then you can take me home and tuck me in. As for tomorrow, I couldn't care less," she looked at him pleadingly.

Who was he kidding? There wasn't a lot that he wouldn't do for her, especially when she looked at him like that. "OK. But in one condition. You have to play 20 questions with me in between shots."

She stared at him incredulously before burst out laughing at his request. No doubt the alcohol got into her already. "What is it with you and the game of 20 questions, huh? Is that your strategy for chatting up girls in the bar?"

"Not any girl, just you."

The conviction in his voice caught her off guard. During moments like this, when he was being incredibly sweet, she couldn't help but wondering what her life would be like if she had the guts to chose him that night instead of Mike. She would definitely lodge her transfer request then. Maybe she would be a senior navigator or warfare officer in a frigate by now. He would be waiting when she came home, embracing her with his patented hug and maybe making her French toast in the morning.

"Kate..." His voice broke her wandering thought. She then focused her attention back to the man sitting beside her.

"20-questions game is like pancakes, horse riding and French toast." He smiled softly at her. "It's ours only. It's a tradition of being a part of an exclusive club of McGregor & Mulholland. Guess who the members of that club are?"

Her throat closed up at his softly-spoken words. "Us?" She managed to croak an answer after a few seconds.

"Correct." He squeezed her hand tighter to convey his seriousness before giving her a warm smile. He then flagged the bartender for Kate's next order and a plate of wedges for them.

"Dylan..." She whispered his name quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you..." She then leaned towards him to kiss his cheek softly. "Just in case I forgot to say it before I passed out."

He laughed at her attempt at humour in her current situation. "Anytime, Kate..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 8**

_A/N: This chapter picks up later that night._

* * *

"Dutchy..."

Swain's voice caused Dylan to peel his eyes from Kate's slumped form on the bar.

"Hey..." He replied quietly.

"Is she alright?" Swain's eyes were looking at Kate's condition critically, as if he was assessing her well-being.

Dylan sighed. "Nothing that a good night sleep and a couple of Ibuprofen in the morning couldn't fix."

"How about you?" Swain then looked at him curiously.

"Huh?"

Swain then started to smile cheekily. "I mean your cheek. Is it still tingling after the kiss?"

Dylan's eyes widened in surprised. _Crap. _"Swain, that's nothing..."

Swain chuckled at the other man's panic face. "Relax... I've already stamped down Charge and 2Dads' enthusiasm by pointing out the fact that the X was already half drunk at the time. I don't think there would be any new rumour going around. If there is," he shrugged, "I'm sure between the X's glare and your cold stare, everybody would be too scared to start anything."

"It's not my reputation that I'm worried about, Swain," Dylan once again looked at Kate's sleeping face, "it's hers. After today's news, she doesn't need people laughing and whispering behind her back around the ship."

Swain was surprised at the tenderness he saw on Dutchy's face as the other man focused his attention on their XO. He knew that Dutchy was very protective of her. He suspected that they were good friends off the ship as well. But exactly how close that friendship was, he didn't know until today's scene on the bar. Dutchy and Kate sat very close to each other. He even saw her rested her head on Dutchy's shoulder more than once. Their fingers also entwined ever since Dutchy grabbed her hand earlier in the night. There was no awkwardness between them, as if their physical interaction was a common occurrence between them. _Maybe there is truth to the boys' speculation after all._

"Do you know why she was drinking like that?" Swain finally stirred the conversation away from the nature of his crewmates' relationship.

Dylan looked at him sadly. "Do you remember that night in the Luga Bar when we were toasting her?"

Swain's forehead scrunched, wondering where this was going. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember that she initially wasn't too keen on that?"

Swain nodded. "She said something about not wanting to jinx the promotion." As he said the words, his brain finally put two and two together. "No... It can't be..." His eyes searched Dylan's for confirmation.

"She didn't get the promotion." Dylan confirmed solemnly.

Silence descended between them. Swain still couldn't believe what he just heard. Ever since she applied for promotion, he had no doubt that she would get it. They all thought it was just a matter of ceremony, really. Now as he looked back at how persistent the guys had been about toasting her that night, he couldn't help but feeling guilty that somehow they had jinxed her chance of promotion.

"We didn't jinx her, you know." Dylan finally said quietly.

"I know, but I just..."

"I know... The thought crossed mine as well." Dylan nodded in understanding.

"Come on, mate, I've put your bag in my car already. I'm assuming you need a hand in taking her home?" asked Swain.

"Yeah, I think so. There's no way I could carry her on my bike." Dylan smiled at the other man, grateful that his reliable and caring presence both on and off the ship. "Mate, could you do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"Please take care of her. You know how stubborn she could be if she's on a mission about something. Just be there for her if she needs someone."

Swain raised his eyebrows at his request. "Dutchy, what's going on?"

"Crash posted."

"What? Where?" asked a bewildered Swain. It seemed that tonight was a revelation night for some reasons.

"Childers. I have to sail with them tomorrow afternoon." Dylan answered quietly.

"Have you told her that?" Swain asked pointedly. "I must say that the timing was awful, mate. She needs her friends now more than ever. And judging by the way you both stick together tonight, I guess that you are probably one of her closest friend."

"I know, Swain, I know..." Dylan sighed. "In hindsight, if I knew that she didn't get her promotion, I would probably say 'no' to Commander White's offer. But it's all water under the bridge now. I've already said 'yes'."

"Well, just make sure that you tell her the news before you are off sailing somewhere. As for your request before..." Swain's eyes softened. "You don't even have to ask. Of course we will take care of her."

"Thanks, mate."

"No worries. Let's just get her home, shall we?"Swain grabbed Kate's bag from under her stool and waited for both of them to make a move.

Dylan nodded gratefully and then turned around to face Kate once again. She had rested her head on her left arm, her face turned to the right. Her hair had fallen to cover part of her face. She looked so peaceful. He considered just carrying her on his arms without waking her up, but he knew how much she liked her independence, even in her drunken state. She might want to try walking, and if he took that choice out of her hand, she might be angry at him. The last thing he wanted to do tonight was to upset her. So, he shook her shoulder carefully, willing her to wake up, but she just groaned and swatted his hand away.

"Kate, wake up, please. We need to get you home." He shook her shoulder again, this time harder.

Her response was to bury her head further into her arms, ignoring him.

"Kate... Come on... You'll be more comfortable on your own bed."

At the mention of bed, her eyes opened slightly. Dylan smiled at the sight of her green eyes peeking underneath her eyelids. "Hey, there sleepyhead..." His hand involuntary reached out to pull back the offending strands of hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. He inwardly cringed at the display of affection that Swain no doubt had just witnessed. But, he honestly couldn't help himself.

"Dylan... Why are you waking me up?"She said sleepily.

"Because we're still in the bar and you shouldn't sleep here. You can't pass out on me yet." He answered patiently. He then stood up from his stool and pulled her up gently to a standing position.

She groaned at the sudden movement and grabbed a handful of his uniform to steady herself.

"Are you OK?" he looked at her concerned. Apparently, her condition was much worse than he realised.

"Hu-uh... I guess so." She then buried herself to his chest; her arms circled his waist tightly. "But I don't think I could walk. My legs feel like jelly."

"Then it means that I have to carry you. Is that OK?" he asked her.

Her forehead crunched, as if she was thinking about his offer. "It should be. Just don't make it a habit."

He chuckled softly at her statement. "I wouldn't dream of it. Come on, arms on my neck."

Swain eyebrows were raised almost to his hairline when he saw the scene in front of him. He was simply speechless. There were so many questions swirling around his head at the moment about the two of them. When did they get to be that close with each other? In the ship, they were both very professional. He never ever heard them refer to each other by their given names. It was always X & Dutchy. Well, he supposed there was the 'you're an angel' episode in the wardroom, but other than that, nothing! Their current interaction was just the complete opposite of the image that they always portrayed. It was very obvious that they cared for each other very much. But how much?

"Mate, lead the way..." Dylan said after managing to balance her in his arms.

Still in a speechless state, Swain didn't say anything. He just turned around and walked few steps in front of them.

"Who are you talking to?" Kate mumbled her question from the curve of Dylan's neck.

"It's just Swain." Dylan whispered back to her.

"Oh... Hi, Swain!" This time, she spoke loud enough for the other man to turn around and smile softly at her.

"Hi, X..."

"Do you know that Dylan here prefer cologne rather than aftershave?"  
_  
__Oh, No, she's not doing this..._Dylan could feel that his face grew redder at her question.

Swain looked him with an unconcealed amusement before answering. "Yes. I know that."

"What about you, Swain?" She added.

"Kate, Swain is not playing this game... It's just us, remember?" He mouthed 'sorry' to the other man. Swain just waved his apology and kept walking, setting up the pace for him to follow.

"Oh... Well, can I ask you a question then?"

"Hu-uh, I don't think we're playing this game anymore. We're not drinking."

"That's not fair..." She lifted her head momentarily from the curve of his neck to pout at him.  
_  
__Oh, No, not the pout! Kate, you're not playing fair!_ He sighed. "Fine. Just one question... No more..."

He knew he would regret this, but he couldn't help but smile at the look of concentration of her face. _It's amazing how she could wield so much power over me._

"Boxer or brief?" Hearing that last question, Swain's restraint broke and he burst out laughing.

"Kate!"

* * *

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant McGregor?" Maxine stared at Kate questioningly.

"Ma'am, I want to know why I was passed up for promotion." Kate said with an even voice. She had been pondering that question ever since she woke up with a sore head this morning. Deciding she would rather find out the hard truth rather than moping around with sad eyes for the next few weeks, she took a shower, got dressed in her uniform and headed out to NAVCOM. At least if she knew the reason, then she could think about her next move, including shore posting or transferring out to frigates. Dylan was right. She needed to decide what she wanted in life and act accordingly, taking charge of her own life.

"Lieutenant McGregor, I'm sure you know that the Navy usually doesn't explain the reason behind its decision."

"I know, Ma'am. But I feel that I should have at least been given a feedback in relation to this decision. After all, if the reason was something that I could fix or do better at, then I need to know that particular reason to improve my chances for the next promotion hearing." Kate explained patiently. She could see that the older woman started to cave at her request.

Maxine had to admit that she was impressed with Kate's attitude; the desire to progress to the top of the ladder and the will to meet challenges head on. She could see why her service record was very impeccable and why Mike spoke so highly of his XO.

"Kate, I'm not going to go for details in this matter. But long story short, the board felt that you are still lacking on the necessary experience in commanding a ship."

"I see..." Kate couldn't help but feel as if she was being slap on the face at the revelation. But she knew that she couldn't dwell on that 'inexperience' remarks, because her experience in commanding her own ship had indeed only been in Hammersley; her ship for more than 4 years and therefore her comfort zone. She hadn't really proven to the board that she could handle commanding a ship in every kind of situation in and out of her comfort zone.

"Kate, this non-promotion should not discourage you in any way, shape or form. I suggest that you give it another year and then you should apply again."

"I will..." Kate looked back at her superior with newly found determination. She would get promoted one day. But which path should she take? "Ma'am, could I ask for your advice?"

"Sure."

"Do you think if I transferred to a frigate and gained experience there instead of patrol boat, I would have more chances for promotion in a year's time?" Kate asked tentatively.

Maxine looked at Kate for a moment before tightened her hands together and leaned forward towards Kate. "Technically and historically, frigate position indeed carries more weight in terms of gaining promotion. But it doesn't necessary mean that patrol boat position would put you in a disadvantage. It's all depends on where do you see yourself in the future. There is also a consideration to be made if you ever wanted a family of your own one day."

Kate nodded. No one could make a decision for her. She needed to think about this carefully but quickly. She honestly didn't have much time to lose.

"There is one more thing, Kate."

"Yes?"

"Could you at least give it a few months until everything settle down in Hammersley before you consider transferring off the ship?"

"Excuse me, Ma'am, what do you mean by settling down?" Kate asked confused.

"Your bosun's replacement would need some time to adjust. I assumed Commander Flynn has informed you of personnel changes in Hammersley?"

Kate felt as if somebody punched her lungs. She couldn't breathe. _Dylan, what did you do?_

"No, Ma'am." She barely managed to whisper her reply. "You mean that PO Mulholland is transferring off Hammersley?"

"Yes. The transfer is effective today. He's scheduled to sail with Childers this afternoon at 4 pm."  
_  
__Today? How long had he known about this? Why didn't he tell me?_

"Kate?" Maxine was puzzled by Kate's quietness.

"I..." Taking a deep breath, Kate then stood up from her chair and held her hand out to her superior. "Thank you for your time today, Ma'am."

Maxine slowly got up from her chair while looking at Kate carefully. Her quiet demeanour surprisingly mirrored PO Mulholland yesterday. Surely this was a coincidence.

"You're welcome, Kate. Enjoy your shore leave."

"Will do, Ma'am."Kate nodded curtly to the other woman before turning around and getting out of the office. She had to remind herself not to run across NAVCOM in her rush to see Dylan. Her best friend had some explaining to do.

* * *

Kate had been standing in front of Dylan's apartment door for at least 10 minutes. She had pressed the buzzer 4 times but so far, there was no response. Few calls to his mobile went unanswered as well._ He couldn't be gone already, it's only 11 am!_

"Dylan... Open the door!" Her patience was wearing thin.

Suddenly, without preamble, the door opened. Kate could feel that she couldn't breathe again, this time for a very different reason. There stood in front of her was the man himself, his bare torso on display, with only a towel to obscure the other half of his body. His hair was still wet, causing droplets of water to travel down south, passing his glistening chest and his firm abdomen, before disappearing inside the white towel. _Oh, My..._

"Sorry Kate... I was in the shower..." he said apologetically, stating the obvious.

"Do you always answer the door like that?" She said incredulously, once she had recovered from the trance-like condition she was in before.

He looked down briefly at his attire before looking at her with amused eyes. "Why? I'm not naked."

"Dylan, there are impressionable young girls living in this complex!"

"I know, that's why I made sure that the towel was secured before I opened the door." He smiled cheekily. "Besides, I'm not opening the door to a young girl. You're a woman."

She couldn't help but blushing at the intensity of his eyes as he stated that fact.

"So.. what brings you here?" He leaned his body against the door lazily.

His question brought the reason for this visit to the forefront once again. All the confusion and questions came back to her mind, overwhelming her.

"Are you really transferring out?" she whispered her first question.

Dylan's smile faltered. He was planning to make a trip to her place after packing his stuff to explain the whole thing, but apparently, judging by her uniform, someone in NAVCOM had beaten him to it.

"Kate, you better come in." He opened the door wider and gestured for her to pass through. He then closed the door before reaching for her hand and pulling her to stand close to him. "Let me put some clothes on before we're doing this, OK?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "You are, aren't you?" she asked again, freeing her hand from his grasp.

He sighed. "Yes, I am."

"How long exactly have you known this, huh?" She moved backwards to lean against the wall.

"Only since yesterday."

"And you somehow didn't see it fit to mention or talk to me about it then?" Her voice started to rise.

"Kate, you had your own revelation to deal with! I wasn't going to add mine on top of yours." He spoke with strain voice. This was what he was anxious of since this morning. Her reaction. "Look, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, I'll just go change." Without waiting for her reply, he turned around and went in to his bedroom, leaving silence on his wake.

Kate stared at his closed bedroom door in disbelief. This was the first time that he had turned his back on her in the middle of a conversation and frankly, that angered her. Refusing to follow his suggestion to sit on the sofa, she walked across his living room and stood silently in front of his big poster windows. The sight of the blue sky and the green lush of the grass on the backyard calmed her down a bit. She then took a deep breath a couple of times, preventing herself to get riled up any further.

"Hey..." Dylan greeted her softly and stood close beside her. Seeing her rigid posture, he knew that his earlier abruptness had put him in the doghouse with her.

"You turned your back on me before." She still looked straight ahead, not bothering to acknowledge his presence next to her.

"I know and I'm sorry." Seeing that she was still studiously ignoring him, he knew he had to explain further. "Kate, I knew I had to talk to you today about this. I was going to go to your place, order take away with you and then break the news slowly. I had a speech prepared and a detailed conversation planned. But none of my plan included you knocking on my door as I was in the shower and knowing about the transfer before I had the chance to tell you all about it. Frankly, I was caught off guard. And... I also know that was still a very poor excuse for turning my back on you."

She turned her head around to see him looking at her with apologetic eyes. Instantly, she felt so ashamed of herself. _What was she doing? Getting angry at him while he was about to sail away in 5 hours? This is stupid, Kate..._ She then rested her body to his side as a way to accept his apology.

Dylan circled his arm around her shoulder tightly, bringing her closer to him. "Are we OK now?"

She nodded against his chest. "Yes, we're OK."

"Good." He managed to say that before thick silence enveloping them. None of them spoke for a while; they simply hugged each other closely, cherishing each other's presence before the inevitable conversation.

"Did Commander White give you a choice?" Kate asked curiously.

"Yes."

"And yet you still chose to transfer? Why?"

He kissed the top of her head softly. "Kate, at that time, you were about to be promoted. Soon, I didn't have to protect you anymore; as a CO, you would be inside the bridge, safe from any harm. You were about to get your happy ending with the boss as well. Soon, you would be free to spend time with him in public; he could take you to movies, dinner, and any social outings that you like. You wouldn't need me anymore to do all those things." He cleared his throat briefly before continuing. "So, I thought it's probably better that I started to distance myself away from you. Different boat and patrol schedule would cause fewer interactions between us. Slowly, but surely, you would forget me. Yesterday, I thought that was the best thing for me to do."

Kate stared at his face with tears in her eyes. "Do you really think that your roles in my life were simply a bodyguard and a spare for social outings?"

His pulled her even closer to him. "No, I don't. I know what we have it's more complicated and more precious than that. But, let's face it Kate, my role in your life would always be limited to a supporting friend..."

"And you want more..." Realisation started to sink in Kate's brain. "You want to be the one who makes me happy, not the one who watches me being happy with someone else."

He closed his eyes briefly at her statement. "Pretty selfish of me, don't you think?"

"Dylan..." Her hands reached up to cupped his face with her palms. "I'm the selfish one."

"Kate, it's OK..."

"No... It's not..." She shook her head to emphasise her point. "I know you have feelings for me. I've known that ever since we were standing on that beach that night many months ago." She chuckled. "No one would come all the way at 3 am to his friend's place unless there was an emergency. You didn't even demand an explanation for the phone call, you just knocked on my door and basically tried to make it all better, tried to make me smile again. And I selfishly took advantage of that."

"Then we both are selfish..." He then captured her hands in his and held tight. "Kate, we both made choices in life. I could have chosen to have an extended leave instead of coming back to Hammersley 3 months ago, but I didn't. I didn't because I wanted to see you again. I could have chosen to insist that we kept our distance from each other, but obviously I didn't choose that, otherwise we wouldn't have this conversation. And I would like to think that the reason you chose to lodge a promotion instead of a transfer request was partly because of me."

"That's very presumptuous of you, Dylan..."

"Deny it then..." He challenged her quietly.

Her eyes brimmed with tears again. "I can't..."

He didn't smile nor feel victorious at her confirmation. His only reaction was to tighten his hold on her hands. "Kate, I'm not only your best friend... I'm a best friend that has deep and strong feelings towards you. Feelings that might get out of control if we were in our weakest moment. You were so close to your happy ending. The last thing I wanted was to ruin it. So, I choose to let you go..."

"I see..." Kate looked up to meet his eyes. "So this is it then? No more emails, no phone calls, no contact whatsoever? Can you honestly say to me that you could do that?

"I have to..."

"That's crap and you know it!" Droplets of tears now spilled out from her eyes.

"What do you want me to say, Kate, that I'm sorry?" Frustration clearly etched on his voice.

"No! I don't want your apology. I want you to promise me that it doesn't matter what happen to us, we will always be friends..." She then let his hands go before cupping his face with her palm once more. "Dylan, you are part of my happy ending... I want you in my life..."

"As what, Kate? A spectator?" His raw voice questioned her. "I don't think I could do that."

"Dylan..." She could feel that a sob was not too far away. Her ragged breath and her blurry eyes told her that.

Seeing her struggle, he pulled her against him and held tightly. She then buried her face to the crook of his neck and sobbed. As he felt her body shook, he hated himself for making her cry. He hated himself more for hurting her. "Kate... Please don't cry..." His voice ragged with unshed tears. "I hate to see you like this."

"Then don't do this." She lifted her face from his neck to plead with her eyes. "Don't just walk away from me."

"Trust me, Kate, this is the only way." He whispered to her softly.

She stared at him quietly for a minute or two, and then kissed his cheek softly before hugging him tightly and burying her face in the crook of his neck once again. For a while, no one spoke. He could sense her acceptance in her embrace. Now it was his turn to feel his heart had been ripped out. He had to quietly remind himself that this was for the best. That he was doing this for her, to ensure her happy ending. But that self-assurance did nothing to prevent his need to pull her even closer to him or to prevent his lips from peppering small kisses to her temple.

"We are really doing this, aren't we?" She whispered quietly. "Will we see each other again?"

Kissing her temple once more, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering. "Only heaven knows that kind of stuff, Kate. If fate was kind enough to let us bump into each other in the near future, so be it."

"Fate, huh?" She chuckled softly. "What happen with trying to make your own destiny?"

He smiled at her question. "The chances in life, I think that's all fate's doing. But what we do with those chances that fate has so kindly given to us, it's all our doing. If I was lucky enough to get another chance to be with you in this life or the next life, believe me, Kate, I would never let you go again. I would fight tooth and nails to keep you in my arms."

The strong convictions she could hear in his voice made her wish that things were different. She couldn't help but think what if she had met him first all those years ago. Would the course of her life be much different than now? She sighed.

"Promise me that you'd take care of yourself." She let go of her tight hold on his neck and settled her hands on his chest instead.

"Only if you promise me to do the same." He replied evenly.

"I promise." She said straight away, knowing full well that he wouldn't give her what she wanted unless she gave him the assurance that he sought.

"Good..." He kissed her knuckles softly and said solemnly. "Then I promise too."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 9**

_A/N: This is one of my favourite chapters in this story... I sincerely hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as I do. Happy reading!_

* * *

The so called 'near future' turned out to be three weeks later.

Dylan was conversing quietly with his dad on his balcony with bottles of beer on their hands when he saw Kate's car turned in from the street towards the guest parking spot on his complex.

He suddenly froze. His dad must have noticed it because he had stopped talking too. "Dylan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing..." He shook his head softly. "I just saw someone's car came in."

"Someone you know?" Robert Mulholland raised his eyebrows at his son's behaviour.

"Yes..."

Dylan wondered what brought her to his place. They had kept their promise to each other. There had been no contact whatsoever between them. Different patrol schedule had also prevented him from hanging out with the Hammersley's crews to catch up with any recent news and developments. When he finished his patrol 3 days ago, Hammersley was still on patrol. He guessed by her presence here that the ship only just got in yesterday or today.

"What's her name?"

Dylan's head snapped up at his dad's question. "How do you know that the person down there is a woman?"

"You just told me." Robert said pointedly.

Dylan shook his head amused, knowing that the older man had him.

"So, does she have a name?"

"Kate." Dylan looked down to his feet before meeting his dad's eyes. "Kate McGregor."

"Nice name." Robert looked at his son thoughtfully. "Is there any particular reason why you're not rushing down there to see her?"

Dylan chuckled. "It's complicated."

Robert shook his head exasperatedly. "Kids these days. Always overcomplicate things." He then stood up from his seat and turned to the direction of the front door. "Alright, I'm just going inside to help your mum and to tell her that we're going to have company for dinner."

"Dad..."

"Dylan, talk to her. There's no need to torture yourself up here, wondering about why she came, while you could just easily walk down there and ask her yourself."

Dylan sighed. His dad was nothing but an intuitive man. "I know, Dad. I just need a minute."

* * *

Kate stared at her steering wheel quietly. She honestly didn't know how she ended up in this place. She just drove and drove, trying to get as far away as she could from Mike's place. She only realised where she was when she saw the small swing on the front lawn of the complex. The swing she was always tempted to try on when she was at his place. Obviously she never voiced that desire out loud; maybe she was afraid that Dylan would laugh at her for being childish. But deep down, she knew that the real reason was because she had forced herself to be an adult from such a young age, that most of the time, she no longer remembered how to be a kid or how to let loose of her emotions. She had gotten better ever since she was posted to Hammersley, yet, there was still part of her that couldn't let that tight control go. Even now, when her heart was torn to shreds, when her happy ending was once again out of her grasp, she still couldn't bring herself to cry or to scream at the cruel reality that was her love life. She felt numb. Numb to the core.

A knock on her driver's side window caused her to look up from her steering wheel. A familiar set of warm blue eyes stared at her questioningly from the other side of the glass. It was only then that she realised that she hadn't turned off the engine since she got here. She quickly turned the ignition off and rolled down her window.

Dylan leaned his body against the car next to hers, careful not to crowd her. She looked so lost. There was only one person who could make her looked that way. _Mike Flynn_.

Anger started to boil inside him on her behalf. No man should ever treat her this way. She deserved to be happy. She deserved to be cherished, not to be pushed or pulled like a yoyo by a man that simply had hurt her so many times. _What had he done this time?_

"Hey..."

Hearing his softly-spoken greeting, something inside her snapped. Her grasp on the steering wheel tightened.

"Kate?" Dylan pushed himself forward and reached for the lock on her door. Quickly pulling the lock upwards, he opened the door and then knelt on the asphalt next to her. "Kate... Breathe..." He carefully peeled her fingers from the wheel and then cupped her cheeks tenderly, angling her face to his direction. "Hey...look at me..." he then started to take a deep breath, hoping that she would follow his example. It took a few tense seconds, but eventually she took her first deep breath, and another, and another one, until her body started to relax.

"Better?" He caressed her cheek softly, searching her eyes for the answer.

She nodded. This was why she came here. His comforting presence was like a beacon that guided her here. He didn't ask question. He didn't demand an explanation. He didn't even have to do this, he could just choose to ignore her presence; after all, they hadn't contacted each other for 3 weeks now. But instead, he was here with her, comforting her in any way he could.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"For coming here. For breaking our promise not to have anything to do with each other anymore."

"Kate, the best human intention could still be overruled by fate. Besides, do you honestly think that we could keep going like that for the rest of our lives? For every single day of the last 3 weeks, my fingers were itching to press that call button in my phone," he chuckled. "I even considered calling Hammersley's sat phone once or twice."

Her lips started to curve up at his admission. "Imagine what RO would think, hey?"

He laughed. "He probably would lecture me for misusing Navy phone line."

"He would..." She chuckled at the thought of her radio officer. The thought of the crews brought the memory of the last patrol back to her. The crews missed their buffer. Petty Officer Doug 'Red' Rawlinson was a competent bosun, but he was not Dylan. He was also a very quiet guy. When he was not working, he spent his time staring at a small picture safely tucked in his pocket or texting on his mobile phone. Swain later told her that the picture was the picture of his fiancé; she was involved in a car accident just before he was scheduled to fly to Cairns, causing him to delay his departure. It made her sad for him. Sometimes the reality of their jobs had meant that they couldn't be with their loved ones when needed.

The sombre mood affected most of the crews. Bird was understandably a lot quieter, but there was a steely determination there too. Bird had been asking her for more practice in terms of weapons and combat training. Bird's last experience of being captured, coupled with Dylan's departure, probably made her realised that she needed to start to learn defending herself; she couldn't rely on anybody else to always save the day. 2Dads was a lot more subdued too. She noticed that Dylan had given him some kind of pep talk in the pub during the small farewell that she had arranged before his departure. Maybe the younger man had finally grown up. She wasn't immune to the virus either. There were times when she was expecting him to just show up in the senior mess when she was making a brew or to be standing behind her chair on the bridge.

"I miss you..." she whispered quietly.

His eyes softened at her words. "Me too..." He then stood up slowly from his kneeling position, rolled up her window, pulled her car key out of the ignition and offered his hand to her. "Come on up, have dinner with us."

"Us?" She grabbed her clutch from the passenger seat while placing her right hand on his.

"My parents are here."

Her eyes widened at his words. "Dylan, I don't want to intrude."

He smiled. "You wouldn't... You would do me a favour actually. My mum usually cooks for an army, even though there are only three of us in the dinner table. So, after a family dinner like this, I normally ended up with so many leftover containers. If you're here, then you'll save me some space in my fridge."

She shook her head in disbelief at his outrageous dismissal of her concern. "You are unbelievable! I was thinking more in the line of what they are going to think of you bringing a woman home!"

He chuckled softly. "I know what it's going to look like to them. But, the thought of you driving home when you are so distracted like this doesn't really appeal to me. You probably haven't had dinner either," he said pointedly.

"I was meant to have dinner with him tonight," She averted her eyes from his penetrating gaze. "We never made it to dinner," she continued sadly.

He squeezed her hand tighter, silently comforting her. "Well, the more reason to go upstairs and fill your empty stomach."

"I don't think I'll be a good dinner guest though. I'm just too distracted. Are you sure you want me there?" she looked at him questioningly.

"Yes. I want you to have dinner with us." He confirmed again with a certainty in his voice. "And then, when your stomach is full and you have a glass of red wine in your hand, we'll talk about what happened before you came here."

She stared at him with tears in her eyes. His patience and caring never failed to remind her how lucky she was to have him in her life.

"Hey... Not yet..." He brushed the corner of her eyes softly with his thumb, preventing the moisture to seep through her lashes. "If my mum saw you with red eyes or ruined mascara, I would be a dead man walking."

She chuckled at his attempt to lighten up the atmosphere. "She sounds like a great woman already."

He smiled. "She is. You both are going to get along just fine."

* * *

"So, Kate..."

Kate looked up from her plate to meet the warm and curious eyes of Annie Mulholland.

"May I call you that? Miss McGregor seems too formal to me."

Kate smiled at the tentativeness that she could hear in the other woman's voice. "Of course, Mrs Mulholland."

"Oh, nonsense, please, call me Annie. Mrs Mulholland is just too long of a name." Annie said while giving her husband a pointed look.

Robert raised his eyebrows at his wife's antic. "Why I suddenly felt that I did something wrong?"

Annie sighed. "Because it's your surname. And it's too long."

"Huh? It only consists of three syllables. 'McGregor' is three syllables too, you know..."

Kate watched as Annie shook her head exasperatedly at her husband and chided him for always trying to have the last words. But Kate couldn't detect any malice in her words; the older woman was actually smiling as she and her husband were having what looked like an argument. She then turned to her left to see Dylan looking amused at his parents' exchange. There was no concern on his face whatsoever. Apparently, this was normal for them. This scene of apparent domestic bliss made her ache inside.

When she was little, dinner was formal affairs. Fancy dress, polite conversations, complete with the sharp looks that her mother always sent her when she fidgeted or babbled too much. And then when she moved to this country... Well, forget a warm dinner affair like this; she was lucky if she could have dinner for herself. Over the years, she had grown to resent dinner time. She hated having dinner alone. It reminded her that she was truly alone in this world. She even hated dinner date even more, because most of the time, the guys she was having dinner with were either breaking up with her or whinging about her job. As for dinner with Mike... It was always going down three ways; either they were having a civil and quiet conversation, having arguments and then make up session in bed or they never made it to dinner like tonight.

She closed her eyes at the thought of her ruined relationship and the fight that ended it. Was she wrong to come here and intruding on a family dinner? Should she have stayed at Mike's and tried to fix it?

"Kate?"

She opened her eyes to find not one, but three sets of blue eyes looking at her with worry in their eyes.

"Are you OK, dear?" Annie couldn't help but notice the sadness that had shone through Kate's eyes before she closed them. She wondered what had made the young woman so sad.

Annie had been delighted when Robert had said to her that they might have a female company for dinner. When her son introduced Kate to them as his best friend, she was curious. Dylan never mentioned her to any of them. He mentioned fishing trips and BBQ with his crewmates at Hammersley before. He even mentioned his bunk mate named Chris, who had a young daughter. She knew that her son didn't tell them everything about his life in Cairns, but failing to mention a best friend who happened to be a woman; that was no coincidence at all. Kate McGregor meant a lot more to her son than that.

When Kate still hadn't responded to his mum's question, Dylan leaned closer to her, trying to gauge what she needed at the moment. "Kate, do you want me to drive you home?"

Their eyes met. He could clearly see that she was struggling to hold herself together. This made him furious. If he ever got his hands on Mike Flynn, he would make sure that Mike would get at least one black eye for doing this to her.

"I'll put some of this in the takeaway container if you want to go home, Kate." His mum's words cut through his anger effectively. He sent her a quick grateful smile before focusing his attention on the woman sitting beside him once more. This time, she appeared to have that steely determination back in her eyes, which pleased him.

"That won't be necessary, Mrs... Annie." She looked at them with a soft smile. "I'm sorry for being so distracted. Let's say that today was not a very good day. I'm sorry for spoiling your family dinner too." Her smile turned apologetic. "Maybe it's best if I go home now."

"Kate..." Annie reached across the table for Kate's hand. "I could speak on behalf of Robert that we're not offended by your quietness before. I'm pretty sure that my son wants you here with us too; otherwise he wouldn't invite you in. So, that leaves you. What do you want to do, Kate? Do you want to go home? Or do you want to keep us company and tell us all about my son's adventure in this city?"

Kate now knew why Dylan was one of the most decent human being she had ever known. He had grown up in the best environment, with parents that not only taught him how to be a good person, but also shown him how to be one.

She could feel the warmth of Annie's hand enveloping hers. She could feel that warmth seeped through her heart and as a result, she could feel her control was slowly slipping through her grasp again. She then forced her brain to focus on the question that Annie had asked her before, preventing her from slipping any further. The thought on coming back to an empty house was not appealing at all. She was much rather be here, surrounded by warm and caring people.

She squeezed Annie's hand once; letting Annie knew what her choice was. Judging by the delighted smile that came her way, the older woman understood what she meant. Annie then let go of her hands and picked up her fork once more.

The next half an hour passed with a comfortable silence, with each of them tucked to their dinner. Each only spoke to ask the other person to pass on the plate of food.

"So, where and how did you two know each other?" Robert asked nonchalantly, breaking the silence.

Dylan looked at Kate briefly before answering. "At work."

Robert's eyes widened. "You're a sailor too, Kate?"

She smiled at the surprise she could hear at his voice. "Yes. We used to serve in Hammersley together."

"No offence, Kate, but it is quite an unusual career choice for a woman." Annie said curiously.

"I know, but if all women worked as teachers or accountants, the world would be a very boring place, wouldn't it?"

"Very true." Annie nodded. "Although, what exactly are you doing in the ship?"

Dylan shook his head at the barrage of questions that his parents threw at Kate. He should have known that they would do this to her. After all, this was only the second time in his life that he brought any woman home; the last one was when he was in high school. Granted that Kate was not his girlfriend, very far from it, but still, his parents must have guessed that she meant a lot to him to risk this kind of interrogation. He then cleared his throat loudly, allowing his parents' attention to shift from Kate to him.

"Mum, Dad, this is my fault for not introducing Kate properly." He searched Kate's eyes for a permission to proceed. It was only when she gave him a small nod that he continued with his words. "Meet Lieutenant Kate McGregor, the Executive Officer of HMAS Hammersley. Basically, she is the second in command of the ship."

Silence descended on the four of them.

"I hope my son didn't give you too much trouble, Kate..." Robert said with a small smile.

Kate had to bite back a snort that threatened to come through her throat at the statement. "Well..." She looked up to meet Dylan's amused eyes. "Sometimes... he could be really adventurous. But, he is very dependable too. Although, a little bit over-protective."

"Why is that not surprising?" Annie looked at her husband with a smile. "That over-protectiveness is definitely hereditary."

"I bet you never had a black eye because of that over-protectiveness, Annie." Kate smiled conspiratorially.

"You will never let me live it down, will you?" Dylan shook his head at Kate's revelation.

Annie looked at her son with a knowing smile, before she met Kate's eyes once more. "So, Kate... Is the fact that you two worked together the only thing that prevents my son from making a move on you?"

"Mum!"

* * *

"I'm sorry..."

Kate looked up from her glass of wine to the man standing beside her on the balcony. "Why?"

"My mum could be really nosy sometimes. I hope you're not offended." Dylan said somewhat tentatively.

She reached for his hand and entwined their fingers together. "I think... that you're very lucky to have a mum like that. All her poking and prodding means that she loves you and wants the best for you."

"I know." He smiled softly. "But I can't help but wondering whether she scared you away."

"No... It took a lot to scare me away from you." She smiled back. "Although..." Her smile turned sad for a second. "I wish that I had a mum like yours."

He tightened their entwined hands in understanding. "Was that why you were so sad before?"

"That... And the fact that I never had a lovely dinner time like that in my life." She then rested her head on his upper arm. "Thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome," he whispered softly, followed by silence from the two of them.

The night was very quiet, except from the sound of the passing cars from the road in front of his complex. The full moon was shining on them, somewhat romantically. He berated himself for allowing his mind go there. His parents' seemingly genuine acceptance and approval of Kate somehow allowed him to pretend for a few hours that he really was bringing his girlfriend home for the first time. He sighed inwardly. _Don't go there, Dylan._

"Mike wanted me to wait for him for another 12 months..." she said quietly, breaking the silence.

Hearing her statement, he let go of her hand and instead, circled her waist to bring her closer to him, allowing her to rest her head on his chest for comfort.

"The brass assigned him to Hammersley for another year. He wanted to put our relationship in the back burner for the time being." She elaborated further. "He said that he had no choice but to accept it. He promised that after a year, he really is going to go on a shore posting or transfer to another ship."

Dylan tightened his jaw at the sadness and the anger he could hear in her voice. "What did you say to that?"

"I said that I don't want to wait anymore."

"Why not?"

Surprise by his question, she looked up to met his eyes. "I'm tired of waiting, Dylan. What if at the end of 12 months, he broke his promise again and stayed in Hammersley?"

"Kate... 12 months will fly by very quickly. If you love him that much, what's another 12 months? As for him keeping his promise, you just need to make that leap of faith and trust him to catch you on the other end." As much as his suggestion pained him, he wanted her to be happy and if Mike Flynn was the man that she wanted, as her friend, he needed to push her to the right direction.

"I don't think I trust him enough to make that leap of faith," she closed her eyes briefly before burrowing her body deeper into his arms. "Tell me Dylan, is love supposed to be this hard?"

He chuckled. "Kate, a serial womaniser like me is probably not the right person for you to ask that kind of question."

She lifted her head from his chest and whispered softly. "I think you are the right person to ask. You have the greatest example from your parents... On the other hand, I don't have that..."

He then grabbed her wine glass from her hand and put it on the outdoor table before pulling her to his arms once again.

"You know... my mum might never have a black eye as a result of my dad's over-protectiveness, but she had a broken wrist once," he smiled at the memory.

"Really?" her lips curved upwards as a response.

He nodded. "It was our last cattle shipment before we sold the farm. I was 17... Fresh out of high school and three months before I started recruit school. Anyway, we basically tried to sell every single one of our stock. So, it was a massive operation. My mum and I both had helped my dad since the wee hours of the morning. I didn't know what caused it and how it happened. Suddenly, there was a stampede coming to the direction of my mum. My dad saw it. I saw it too. But I wasn't quick enough to react... By the time I opened my mouth to shout a warning; Dad had already pushed my mum out of the way. She landed hard on her right wrist, instantly breaking it."

Kate cringed at Dylan's last sentence. "Was she mad?"

He smiled. "Very... She tore strips of my dad when we were in her hospital room that night. But my dad just sat there, patiently waiting for her to finish her rant. He then leaned forward to hug her tightly and kissed her..." He chuckled. "Normally, I would be one of those teenagers that rolled their eyes when they saw their parent being lovey-dovey to each other. But, there was something different that day. My eyes couldn't help but glued to the sight of them embracing each other."

"He must've been glad that your mum was alright." Kate voiced her thought quietly.

He nodded. "He said that he's sorry that he broke her wrist. But, he would never be sorry for pushing her down to the ground in the first place. He would rather have her angry at him for a long time than the alternative option, which was losing her. He then said that he could stand losing his farm and his property, but he refused to live in the world where my mum didn't exist."

"That's really sweet..." Kate couldn't help but feel tightness in her chest; a deep longing to be able to love and be loved like that.

"Kate," Dylan tilted her chin with his thumb, "to answer your question, Yes, sometimes love could be hard. You have to make hard choices, decisions and sacrifices to make it work. But, love also means that each person should make the other person the highest priority in their life. In my opinion, I think you both still treat each other as a second choice over your career. If that's the situation, then do you actually still love him? Can you imagine living without him? Can you continue to live your life to its fullest even without him by your side?"

The barrage of questions forced Kate to search deep within her heart for the answers. There were times, such as Samaru and Gorsky incidents, when she felt the fear of living without Mike. But even if Mike died that day, could she still continue living? Could she still smile and wake up every morning?

She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath before whispering to him. "I think I could..."

_As long as you're by my side, Dylan..._

That realisation hit her hard and weakened her knees in the process. She then tightened her grips on his waist and closed the distance between them. She now realised that the reason that she could function for so long during the Gorsky incident was because he was by her side, supporting her in every move she made. He had slowly but surely become the most important person in her life. The one she turned to, the one she sought comfort from and the one she depended on.

"Then, you've made the right choice today." Dylan said quietly, breaking her thought.

"But it still hurts..." Her eyes started to brim with tears. She was too tired of controlling her emotions. She just wanted to let go.

"I know..." He then cupped her cheek and brushed a lone tear that had escaped. "Then what are you waiting for, huh? There is a very comfortable pillow here for you to rest on..." he tapped his chest lightly, "I promise I'm not going to charge hourly rates for the usage." He said playfully, trying to lighten her mood away from the heavy conversation they just had.

She chuckled through her tears. "Why are you so nice to me, huh?"  
_  
__Because I love you..._

He shoved his almost confession down his throat. He cursed his brain for catching up with his heart at the most inopportune time. _Not now, Dylan... Patience!_

"I think you know why, Kate..." He finally managed to croak his answer after a few full seconds.

The deep adoration in his eyes almost bowled her over. She understood what he meant, but she didn't think that she could handle this now. "Maybe it's a conversation for another day?" She stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheeks softly, her lips lingered there for a few seconds.

"Of course..." he pulled her to his chest, encouraging her to rest her body on his. "Tonight... you're going to let go... you're going to cry... But, tomorrow's going to be a new day and someday, we're going to talk about us. Is that OK?"

She managed to nod against his chest before her control finally slipped away and her body started to shook. Droplets of tears were now staining his shirt.

He tightened one of his arms around her while one of his hands ran through her hair soothingly. He then kissed her temple tenderly before whispering to her softly, "Ssshhh... Kate... everything is going to be alright..."

Unlike that day a few months ago, this time, he really meant those softly spoken words with all his heart.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 10**

_A/N: The last happy chapter for a while... So, enjoy it folks! :):)_

* * *

"Just the person I'm looking for..."

The gravely voice of Jim Roth caused Kate to look away from the scene on the dock.

"Jim," she looked at him with concern in her eyes. "How's your head?"

"Worrying about me, Kate?" his lips curved up to form that playful smile of his.

She rolled her eyes at his antic and smiled, "You got knocked out pretty badly. And... you actually screamed in pain when you first regained your consciousness... That's why I asked."

"I'll live, Kate. I'm just glad that the mission was a success," he said quietly.

"That was too close though. Going in undercover when you just had a concussion might not be your best move," she chastised him softly.

"Well, it's done now," he stepped closer to her side and leaned casually against the railing. "So, the words on the street were true. Mike's still the CO. You guys are still on the same ship. What happened with his shore posting?"

She sighed, "Navcom wanted him to stay in Hammersley for another 12 months."

"I see..." He turned his head to look at her closely. "I assumed that nothing is going on between the both of you then?"

Their eyes met. "No, Jim. Nothing is going on."

"So you wouldn't mind if I ask you for a drink sometimes?"

"Jim.. I..." She stared at the man who once had made her happy and now offering her the same thing.

He raised his eyebrows at her hesitation, "12 months is a long time, Kate. Are you sure you want to wait for him?"

She shook her head softly. "No. I'm not waiting for him. But, I'm still going to say no to your offer."

"Hmm... It seems that I'm losing my charm..."

She laughed. "It has nothing to do with your charm, Jim." She then opened her mouth as if to continue her explanation, but then she looked back to the dock instead.

Jim followed her line of sight to find the Hammersley's crews standing around one familiar face that was missing during this patrol.

PO Dylan "Dutchy" Mulholland.

As he saw Dutchy looked up to the boat deck and smiled at the woman standing beside him, he started to understand.

He then turned his head around to see a mirroring smile in Kate's face. Her eyes turned to that familiar sparks that he used to be able to gauge from her. Apparently, once again, he was too late.

"Trading in for a younger model, Kate?"

She chuckled at his teasing. "You make me sound like a cougar."

"Well, are you?" his smirk was getting bigger.

"He is only a few years younger than me!" She hissed indignantly while glaring at him. "Honestly, Jim. You're insufferable."

He laughed, "I'm just making an observation. He just seems a lot younger than your usual taste." His expression then turned serious. "Does he treat you well, Kate?"

"Jim, he's just a very good friend for now. Don't give him a third degree yet."

"That's beside the point, Kate... Well, does he?"

Seeing the concern and caring in his eyes reminded her that Jim was indeed a very decent man. He deserved a whole lot more than what she could give him in the past.

"Yes, he does," her eyes couldn't help but flicked back to the dock, where Dylan was giving Bird his full attention as she chatted animatedly. "He always does."

"Good. Then I'm happy for you."

She smiled softly at him, glad that everything was squared out between them. "Thank you..."

"You're welcome, Smudge..."

* * *

"This is the marina." Dylan said incredulously.

"Hu-uh." Kate ignored his tone and kept walking past the various boats and yachts docked in the marina to reach their rented boat at the far end of the long jetty.

"So, let me get this straight, you want us to spend our 18-hour-leave away from the ship to actually sail on the sea?"

"Yes."

"Kate..."

"Why are you so sulky?"

"Because... Did it ever occur to you that I might just want to veg out on the couch with you and watch TV or something like that?"

"We did that for our last shore leave together," she said while looking at him briefly. She sighed when she saw his tired face looking back at her. She then closed their distance and reached up to hug his neck and kiss his cheek softly. She smiled when she felt his arms hugged her waist tightly. "I'm sorry. I know you're tired. I promise it won't be a long ride. I just want to do something for you..."

He smiled at her words. The fact that she wanted to do something for him never failed to make his heart warmer. "It's alright. I don't really care what we're doing, as long as it's with you."

She slapped his chest playfully, "Charmer..."

He grinned broadly at her, "And you like me being a charmer..."

She rolled her eyes affectionately. "Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you..." She then grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him to start finding their boat once again. "Come on, we're burning daylight."

He shook his head at her enthusiasm, but followed her nonetheless.

After the dinner with his parents last month, they had been inseparable. Although no conversation about the nature of their relationship had occurred yet, they didn't dwell on it. They silently agreed to spend as much time with each other as possible, taking advantage of their surprisingly overlapped patrol schedule. If one of them didn't have a set plan for their shore leave, unlike today, then they simply watched DVDs together and cooked for each other in their respective places.

It got harder to reign in his feelings though. He didn't know how much longer they would stay on their status quo. He thought that one of these days he would probably just confess his feelings and lay his heart on the silver platter for her.

The question was how would she react?

Was she ready for a new relationship?

Was she ready to let go of her past?

She said before that the conversation about them was for another day. But what did she mean with another day? Was it a month, six months or even a year later?

He sighed inwardly.

"Here it is!" her exclamation stopped him from continuing with his thought. His eyes then swooped over the small boat, and asked her quizzically. "What are we exactly going to do with this boat?"

"What do you think?" she looked up at him with a glint in her eyes.

"Hmm... No nets, no rods, no baits, which means that we're not going fishing. If I didn't know you any better, we're probably grog running," he smirked at her, referring to their 'colourful' history together.

She scowled at him. "Honestly, Dylan..." she then poked his chest hard, "Why don't you stop speculating and turn on the engine, huh?"

His smirk grew bigger, "Yes, Ma'am. But where are we going?"

"You'll see."

* * *

"I think we should stop here. We're far enough from the marina." Kate looked at the coordinates in their GPS. She hadn't told Dylan where exactly they were going. She only told him to head to the west.

"Kate, we're in the middle of nowhere! And it's getting dark..." Frankly, he was confused and worried whether she knew what she was doing.

"I know... Let's just drop the anchor. Trust me, OK?"

He sighed, "Of course, I trust you." He then kissed her temple briefly before turning off the engine, picking up the anchor and throwing it to the water, effectively keeping the boat stationary.

"So, what now?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Follow me," she flicked her heads towards the back of the boat.

Dylan didn't pay attention to the back of the boat before. It was only upon a closer look that he saw a canvas cover hiding what looked like to be a small circle-shape thing. "What is it?"

"Open it," she said as an answer.

Looking at her confused, he then flung the cover away and found a wreath underneath it. "Kate?"

She stepped closer to him and looked up to meet his eyes. "I know that tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the Gulf incident. And judging by all your text messages you sent to me at around 3 AM every day for the last week, my guess is that you're having nightmares again."

"I..." he started to protest, but she put the tip of her fingers on his lips, willing him to stop. "Please don't deny it... That's why you look so tired now; you didn't sleep properly."

He smiled sadly at her, confirming her suspicion. He then took her fingers and held tight.

"Charge then told me about this amazing view of the sunset if we just sail to the west of the marina. So I thought that it would be nice to lit few candles, place it on to the wreath and let it float and sail to the sunset. I know that if you could, you would probably fly out to Sydney and visit Lieutenant Ryan's grave, but since we're back at sea tomorrow, I thought the wreath would be a good substitute."

He stared at her silently. After a good few minutes, his intense stare started to make her worried that she had overstepped a boundary. Maybe he just wanted to forget the whole incident and this whole 'wreath' business that she sprung on him somehow made his pain worse. She started to offer him an apology when he suddenly kissed her lips.

His lips were warm and persistent and before long, she was kissing him back. He tangled his hands on her hair to deepen the kiss; his tongue thoroughly explored the deep recess of her mouth, tasting her, awakening her every nerves and weakening her knees in the process. Unfortunately, they had to break the kiss as the need for air became necessary. Their deep ragged breaths were the only sound that they could hear besides the gentle lapping of the waves. He then rested his forehead against hers, while his eyes still stared at her intently.

"Thank you for being so thoughtful."

He kissed her again. This time, his kisses were soft and slow, caressing her lips gently.

"Thank you for anticipating what I need even before I know that I need to do this," his eyes glazed for a few seconds before he blinked the moisture away.

She could feel a lump in her throat as she saw his adoring gaze towards her, as if she was the most amazing woman in the world. "You're welcome, Dylan..."

She then stood on her toes to touch her lips to his once more. His arms then held her tightly against him. After a few minutes in each other's embrace, she then pulled back slightly. "Come on, let's do this before the sun disappear."

He smiled his agreement before letting her go to grab the candles from her bag. She then placed the candles to the small holders on the wreath and lit those.

"Ready?" seeing her nod, he then lifted the wreath carefully and leaned forward to place it on the sea surface.

Then, he let go.

_Rest in peace, Mattie._

For a while, they just stood there watching the wreath sailed slowly. The sunset basked it in an orange glow for a few minutes before the sun disappear to the horizon, leaving the glow of the candle light to be the one that guide its movement through the darkness of the night.

"Feeling better?" she raised her head from his chest to see his face.

"Yes," he whispered softly. "Although I don't think that I could completely get over what happened that particular dawn, but this helps a lot. So, thank you..."

She caressed his cheek softly. "Why don't we make it a yearly event then?"

"We?" he raised his eyebrows at her assumption.

"Yes... _We_ will do this every year," she said with a conviction in her voice which pleased him very much.

"I think that's a very good idea," he kissed her forehead softly. "Although... I think I have a better idea right now... Why don't we go back and have something to eat? I'm starving."

She sighed, "Men and their stomachs..."

* * *

"Surprise!"

Kate looked at the cheerful faces of her crews gathered inside the pub with raised eyebrows. "Guys? What's going on?"

Her question was answered when Bird came out from behind Charge's back carrying a beautifully decorated cake on both hands. Multitude of coloured candles adorned the cakes. She had no doubt that Robert probably had a peek of her file to see how many candles were precisely needed in this occasion.

"Happy Belated Birthday, X!" They shouted once more, effectively announcing to the whole pub what the commotion was about.

It had been a very long time since she did celebration of any kind on her birthday, especially the kind that involved cake and candles. So, it was no surprise that she felt overwhelmed by the whole thing. "You guys didn't have to do this."

"It's OK, X, it's an excuse to eat cake," 2Dads piped in from behind Bird, while looking at the cake longingly. A whack at the back of his head sobered him up. "Shut up, 2Dads!" Charge hissed at the younger man while looking apologetically at Kate. "Sorry, X..."

"The boss and Ryan couldn't make it. They sent their wishes though." Swain cut through Charge's apology, smiling softly at his XO.

"Blow out the candles, X," Bird urged her with a smile.

She looked at their happy and smiling faces. The candle lights illuminated their faces in an otherwise dimly lit pub. "Thank you guys..." Her voice cracked a little bit.

"Hey..." Dylan nudged her shoulder slightly, "Don't forget to make a wish before you blow them out..."

She stared at him accusingly, "You knew about this. That's why you insisted on having dinner at the pub."

"No comment," he grinned. "Come on, make a wish..."

She gave him another half-glare before closing her eyes to make a wish, an old practice that she hadn't done for a while.

"Umm... Technically, X, you know birthday wishes most likely wouldn't come true, right?"

The crews groaned at RO's usual matter-of-fact tone. "Robert, please..." Doug's annoyed voice boomed from behind Swain.

"What? I'm just making sure that she knows..."

"It's OK Robert," she cut through their argument as she opened her eyes again, "I know."

She then stepped forward towards the cake, puffed her cheeks and blew out the candles.

A loud cheer from the crews broke out as she was able to blow every single one of the candles, thirty six of them to be exact.

"What drink would you like, X? My shout." Charge beamed at her as they all followed Bird to the table on the corner of the bar.

"A glass of red wine would be good, Charge," she smiled at his enthusiasm.

"How about you, Dutchy?"

"Just 4X, mate."

Charge nodded before turning around to the direction of the bartender.

"X, would you like to dance?" Swain suddenly offered his hand to her.

She replied with amused eyes. "Cutting in early aren't you, Swain?"

"Well, you're going to be popular tonight and I have to go home in an hour or so to tuck Chloe to bed. So, I figure that I need to claim your first dance," Swain then looked at Dylan with a little grin. "That's if Dutchy doesn't mind though."

"Honestly, mate, haven't you learned by now that she's the boss?" Dylan shook his head softly, amused by Swain's not-so-subtle attempt to tease him.

"Exactly," Kate looked at both men with a pointed look. She then put her hand on Swain's and stood up from her stool. "It will be my pleasure, Swain."

She was about to step towards the dance floor when Dylan caught her elbow.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?"

"Save me the last dance, OK?"

She smiled, "You got it, big fella..."

* * *

Dylan waited patiently for the bartender to come back with the crews' order. None of the drinks were his; he had limited himself to only two beers, having to drive Kate home tonight. He figured that he could volunteer to do the run for the drinks as he was waiting for Kate to finish dancing with Charge. She promised that the next dance would be the last one for the night, so it would be his turn.

"Dutchy?" A familiar voice greeted him.

He turned around to find his current bunkmate standing beside him. "Josh? Hey... Are the guys here too?"

Josh grinned. "Not all of them. Just Bungy and Charge... I thought you have some plans tonight. Turns out you're here too..."

"Well... I did. One of the plans just happens to be here," he grinned back.

Josh looked at the tray of drinks that the bartender just put in front of Dylan quizzically, "That's a lot of drinks, mate! Who are you here with?"

"Those lots over there..." Dylan pointed out to the direction of his table.

"Hammersley's... I should have guessed..." Josh patted Dylan on the back. "I'll leave you to it. Just come around to our table sometimes, OK? We're sort of not feeling the love over there..."

"Gee Josh, you made me sounded like a traitor or something," he shook his head amused. He never understood the rivalry between ships.

"I'm just kidding... Although, be grateful that I'm not Kingston's crew." Josh smirked. "From what I've heard, they really don't like Hammersley's."

"What's their problem?" Dylan asked curiously.

Josh shrugged. "Don't know and don't care. Personally, I think that they are jealous because their XO is an ugly mug, unlike your ex XO," he smiled cheekily.

Before Dylan could reply to Josh's outrageous theory, he felt a tug on his left elbow.

"Dylan..."

He turned around to find Kate's tired face greet him with a small smile. Seeing her tired state, his arm automatically circled her waist to pull her to rest on his side. "Hey... I thought Charge still has 10 minutes dance quota left."

Kate scowled. "He kept stepping on my toes. After the fifth time he did that, I said that I needed a break."

He laughed. "Did you actually say to him why you need a break?"

She shook her head. "No. Don't really want to ruin his enthusiasm. That would be mean."

"Well, if you don't tell him, how could he improve his skill for next time?" he argued.

She sighed. "I'm kind of tired."

His face softened at her admission. "Do you still want to dance with me or do you just want to go straight home?"

"Both. Dance first and then home," she said firmly, leaving no room for argument.

A sound of someone clearing his throat caused them to break their eye contacts.

Dylan rolled his eyes at Josh's antics but turned around and faced him nonetheless. He honestly forgot that Josh was there.

"Kate, this is Petty Officer Joshua Harris, Childers' Coxswain," Dylan glared briefly at Josh, warning him to behave. "And Josh, this is Lieutenant Kate McGregor, Hammersley's XO."

Dylan could feel that Kate was straightening her spine at the introduction. _That's my girl._

"Nice to meet you, Petty Officer," Kate offered her hand for a hand shake.

"It's an honour, Ma'am." Josh shook her hand firmly. He forced himself to behave by thinking as if they were both wearing uniforms and meeting formally for the first time. But in all honesty, it was hard not to admire the woman behind the title. Her blonde hair looked tousled and her skin was slightly flushed, no doubt by all the dancing that she had mentioned before. Her green eyes looked tired, but at the same time scrutinising him on the spot, as if assessing whether he was worthy to be in the same space as her. He must have passed the test, because then she smiled at him. A brilliant smile he might add. _Dutchy is one lucky SOB._

"Well, Petty Officer, I would love to share story of what kind of mischief Dylan got into these days in Childers, but I'm afraid that he has drinks to deliver and I have a dance to collect. So, please excuse us..."

"Of course. I'll see him tomorrow anyway, so we'll talk then..." Josh sent a pointed look to Dylan, to which the other man replied with an amused smile.

Dylan sighed inwardly. _So nosy..._ Without replying further, he grabbed the tray on both hands and turned around to go back to their table. The quicker he did this, the quicker he could dance with Kate. And honestly, he couldn't wait.

* * *

"Finally..." Kate mumbled as she leaned to Dylan's chest while they stood in the middle of the dance floor.

He laughed. "Come on, the other guys couldn't be that bad," he then kissed her temple softly, the first time he did that since they arrived here. They had consciously avoided being too close to each other; as they didn't really want the crews to scrutinise their interaction.

"Well... I had a great time with Swain, as I know I would be because he's a great dancer. Doug was good too, but distant as usual. As with Robert," she sighed, "he's an able dancer. But, after listening to him for 20 minutes about the benefit of soy and linseeds for woman's health, I kind of had enough."

He cringed, "That doesn't sound like a good dance conversation."

She shook her head softly. "As for 2Dads, well, he was kind of drunk, so, he was dancing to his own tune in his head."

Dylan looked down to meet her eyes. "And Charge stepped on your toes... Poor girl..."

"It's OK. They are my crews and no matter what, I'm glad that they are here, celebrating my birthday. Thank you, by the way, I know that this was your idea," she kissed his cheek softly.

"Well, it might be my idea, but Bird helped to organise the cake and Swain was in charge of invitation and venues. So, you need to thank them too... Although, it's kind of funny that we both surprised each other today." He grinned at her. "I guess that great minds do think alike."

She grinned back at him. "Yes. It's funny, isn't it? Too much excitement for the day though and I'm so tired."

He pulled her closer to his chest, urging her to fully resting her body on his. "Why don't we do this for another 15 minutes and then I'll give you a ride home?"

"Sounds good."

* * *

Dylan followed closely behind Kate as she walked to her front door after a short bike ride from the pub.

She fished her keys from her bag, opened the door quietly, and turned to face him with a smile. She then hugged his neck tightly and buried her face to the crook of his neck.

"I had a great time today..."

"Me too..." he smiled to her hair softly. "Pity we have to sail tomorrow, huh?"

She sighed, "Yes."

She then loosened their embrace a little bit, allowing their eyes to meet.

"We kissed today," he stated the fact seriously.

She smiled softly at him, "I forgot how much I like your kisses. Thank you for the reminder."

He smiled and closed his lips to hers once again, slowly and softly. His lips then moved to her neck, sucking her soft skin repeatedly, yet careful not to leave any marks on her pale skin. She sucked her breath when his lips touched one particularly sensitive point.

Hearing her gasp, he lifted his head from her neck and asked tentatively, "Too soon?"

"Maybe... We haven't had the talk yet," she caressed his cheek softly; half apologising but half wishing at the same time that she had the courage to take him up on his unspoken offer.

He sighed, "Talking is so overrated. I wish I could just carry you upstairs and make you relax, among other things of course," he grinned at her playfully.

She couldn't help but grin back at him. "What other things?"

"Well... For a start... How about a massage? Your shoulders were always so tense, all those hunching in front of the navigation system didn't you any good at all.

"A massage?" she managed to croak after a few seconds.

He caressed her back while staring at her intently. "Yeah... My large warm hands and few drops of baby oil should do the trick. What do you think?"

She blushed at the image that came to her mind at his suggestion. "Raincheck?"

He groaned. "Kate..."

She grimaced. "I'm sorry..." she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again. This time, he kissed her hard in response, devouring her lips demandingly. As she sensed a tinge of frustration in his kisses, she then deepened the kiss as an apology.

He took a deep breath once their lips separated. "You know, one of these days, I'm just going to kiss you senseless until you surrender; until you couldn't have the chance to say that horrible word."

She laughed at the sulkiness she could hear in his voice. "Soon, Dylan, I promise you. I just need to do this slowly. Because when the time comes, I want this to last; I want _us_ to last for a long time."

His face softened at her words. "Of course I'll wait. Just don't take too long, OK? I'm only a man after all, not a saint," he smiled at her teasingly.

"Believe me, I know that..." she whispered softly at him. "And thank you for being patient. I don't know how I deserve that, but I'm thankful all the same."

"You're more than welcome," he kissed her forehead softly and hugged her tightly once more before letting her go.

"Come on, why don't you go in, you need your beauty sleep tonight. Otherwise, Hammersley would have a cranky XO tomorrow."

"You need to sleep too, especially after your lack of sleep last week," she then kissed his lips few more times, cupping his face on her palms as she did so. "Those were special kisses to chase the nightmares away."

Once again he could feel his throat thickened at her thoughtfulness. "I think I'll definitely have a good dream tonight."

"Good..." she hugged him tightly and closed her eyes, enjoying their closeness.

And as she felt his arms tightened around her, she smiled.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 11**

_A/N: To all the readers that had generously reviewed this story, I'm really sorry for the lack of reply via PM. Real life has been a bit challenging at the moment and I'm sorry for the lack of update too. _

_Rest assured that I'm very grateful to each and every one of you that had been reading, commenting, and (hopefully!) enjoying the story. _

_We are reaching the cross-road in this story, the point where Kate has to decide between Mike & Dylan and I can assure you that it ain't gonna be pretty. So hang on tight, and be ready for the ride... :):)_

* * *

Opening the door to his cabin, Dylan looked up in surprise to find that Josh was sitting on his bunk bed, apparently waiting for him to arrive. He raised his eyebrows at the other man. "What's this? An ambush?"

Josh grinned coyly at Dylan's question. "What? The last time I check, I sleep in this cabin."

Dylan rolled his eyes. "Spit it out Josh. Just get this interrogation over and done with. There are still so many provisions sitting on the dock waiting for us."

"So... You and Lieutenant McGregor, what's going on?" Josh got straight to the point, not missing the fact that he saw them dancing so close to each other last night.

"That's none of your business, you know." Dylan replied, slightly irritated. He then moved to store his bag in the cupboard near the bathroom door, purposely ignoring his nosy bunkmate.

"I'm just asking, mate. Are you just two friends having a good time last night? Or it's more than that?"

"What is it to you?" Still ignoring him, Dylan took his T-shirt off and reached to his drawers to find a clean grey tee. He then did the same with his jeans and put on his DPNU. He then opened the desk drawers and started filling out his sleeve-pocket with his pen, glow stick, and other essential kit to his other pockets.

Realising that Josh hadn't made a sound for a few minutes, Dylan looked up to find the other man crossing his arms in front of his chest and looked at him silently.

Dylan sighed. "Kate is my best friend." He didn't wait for Josh's reaction before reaching under the desk for his boots.

Josh raised his eyebrows at that confession. "Just friend, huh? So, if I asked for her number, you would be OK with that?"

Dylan's fingers froze as he was tying his boot laces. He closed his eyes to calm himself down before raising his eyes to meet Josh's eyes. To his surprise, the other man started laughing at him.

"You're an arse, Josh..." He realised too late that Josh was toying with him.

"Oh, mate, you should have seen your face... Priceless..."

"Yeah... yeah... you had your fun, knock it off!"

Josh shook his head, "Even a blind man could see that you fancy her. And yet, you guys only just friends?"

Realising that Josh was not going to let this go, Dylan pulled the spare chair in the room and sat on it heavily. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'going slow'?"

"Well, yeah, but how long have you guys been like this, since you both in Hammersley?" Asked Josh curiously.

Dylan's silence said it all.

"You're kidding, right?" Josh looked at him in disbelief. "What the hell are you waiting for then? You're not in the same ship anymore!"

"It's not that simple Josh..." Dylan shook his head softly.

"Do you want a piece of advice, mate?"

Dylan shrugged. "May as well. Even if I say no, you're probably going to give it to me anyway."

Josh looked at him seriously. "We're both almost reaching mid thirties, mate. I personally am tired of living like a playboy; unfortunately, I haven't found a girl for a serious relationship yet. But it looks like that you have and yet, you're wasting your time by playing this waiting game. Man up, will you? Life is too short to just sit there and wait. Especially in our line of work, we might not come home one day. The last thing you want is to regret what it could be."

Dylan stared back at him quietly. "Did you just get all that by seeing us together once?"

"Once is enough, mate. Besides, for a man with a colourful reputation like you, waiting for a woman that long is unheard of. She must be a very special woman." Josh's voice sounded wistful.

"She is... You have no idea," Dylan smiled softly at the thought of Kate and their goodbyes last night. She promised that their time together would come soon. But maybe like Josh said, he should do something about it; something more than simple kisses and hugs. He needed big gestures, maybe something like flowers and romantic dinner.

Josh climbed down from the upper bunk and patted Dylan's shoulder. "Think about it, OK. I'll go to the dock now."

"Hey Josh... Could you please just keep this between us?"

Josh grinned. "Relax... Doctor and patient confidentiality, remember?"

Dylan grinned back. "Thanks Dr Phil..."

Josh rolled his eyes at him. "FYI, I'm not bald... and please kill me before I grow a moustache like him..."

Dylan just laughed.

* * *

"Come in..."

Kate said absentmindedly when she heard someone knocking on her door.

"Kate..."

"Sir?"

Their eyes met.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" she looked at him quizzically. The last time they spoke privately was when he asked her opinion about Ryan and his reluctance to see his father, Stuart. She couldn't help but wonder if similar situation had arisen.

Mike didn't answer. He just stepped into her cabin and closed the door behind him.

She raised her eyebrows at his behaviour.

He then reached to his pocket and smiled at her softly. "Happy Birthday..."

She took the small package in his outstretched hand tentatively. "You didn't have to..."

He shrugged, "I saw that and I thought you would like it. Open it..."

She opened the wrapping carefully and found a tiny box of chocolate.

"You remembered..." she smiled back at him.

"Of course I do... You always love macadamia nuts... I figured the chocolate covered kind would be a good birthday present."

"Thank you..."

"You're welcome, Kate..."

Silenced descended on them. His presence in her cabin made her cabin felt smaller. She could sense that there was something else that he wanted to talk about.

"Kate..."

"Yes?"

"I was wondering... Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Her eyes widened at his offer.

"I miss you, Kate... I miss having someone to talk to... Someone who I can be myself with."

"I don't think that's a very good idea..." she smiled sadly at him.

He stepped forward towards her and leaned against her desk, effectively blocking her access to her paperwork.

"Is it because of him?" his eyes hardened at the memory of Kate and the other man embracing each other at her front porch. He had purposely didn't go to the pub because he knew that Dutchy would be there. He had hoped that he could see her after she arrived home alone. But it turned out that the other man had followed her home too.

"Yes..." she replied. She didn't miss the jealously in his eyes at the mention of Dylan. Feeling cornered at his proximity, she then got up from her chair and stood near her bunk instead. "And... I just don't want to fight anymore..." she said resignedly.

"I don't want to fight either..." he slowly moved closer to her, until he could see her green eyes clearly.

Kate stood there cornered, surrounded by his tall frame, his masculine smell, and his intense blue eyes. Her heart couldn't help but beat faster at his proximity. _Why does he still have this effect on me?_

"Don't you think we deserve one more chance? 10 years, Kate. Ten – long – years, I've been pinning for you."

His hand reached up to caress her cheek.

"No one had ever stole my breath like you did. No other women could ever compare to you," he whispered his words softly, determined to give himself a chance with her once again.

"Mike, please don't..." she closed her eyes tightly, refusing to look at his eyes.

"Just one dinner, Kate. Give me one more chance to make it right. If you still chose him at the end, then I promise that I would leave you alone."

Kate opened her eyes at his promise. _You need to do this, Kate. Dylan deserves your undivided attention when he's coming home tomorrow. You know who to choose. You know who you want to be with. This is just one dinner to get Mike out of your system once and for all. Dylan doesn't have to know..._

"OK..."

Mike beamed at her answer. "7 o'clock then. I'll make a reservation at La Dolce Vita. Do you remember where that is?"

She smiled at one of the good memory of their relationship. "Of course. I'll meet you there?"

"Definitely. I promise that you wouldn't regret this..." he said as he opened her cabin door.

She didn't reply. She inwardly sighed as he closed the door behind him.  
_  
__Too late, Mike... I've already started to regret it..._

* * *

Kate stood in her underwear looking at the black dress lying on her bed.  
_  
__'The dress...'_

Mike loved this dress. His eyes always admired her appreciatively when she wore this. She knew it and had consciously chosen to wear the dress in the past. Consequently, this dress was a key witness in her relationship with him. So many blissful moments, yet, so much heartache too...  
_  
__One more time, Kate... and then you can store the dress away..._

She moved to pick the dress up and slipped her body into it. She was halfway through zipping it up when the doorbell rang.

She frowned.  
_  
__Who is it? Mike? I thought we're going to meet at the restaurant..._

She quickly pulled the zipper close and grabbed her shoes and clutch from the bed before going down the stairs.

The side effect of not having a peep hole meant that she was totally unprepared for what was waiting on the other side of the door. But she doubted that it was a burglar, it was only 6 pm. She rolled her eyes at her incredulous thought. _Just open the door Kate..._

She turned the lock and opened the door for a fraction. "Yes?"

* * *

"Hey..."

Dylan smiled as her head popped out of the slightly opened door.

He had quickly went home after he finished his patrol just two hours ago, took a shower and rode his bike here, only stopping once on the way through. He wanted to surprise her. That was why he didn't say anything about the change in Childers' docking schedule. After his conversation with Josh a week ago, he realised that he had been holding himself back a little. He should have been more persistent, letting her know that he was serious about this; about them. That was why he was here, standing on her front door with a big smile on his face.

But as she looked at him with a wide-eyed expression, his smile faltered a little bit.

"You don't look that happy in seeing me..." he said teasingly.

Kate couldn't believe her luck. Any other day, if he showed up unannounced after finishing his patrol early, she would definitely run to his arm and hug him tightly. _But why today?_

Once again, she wondered what she was thinking when she accepted Mike's invitation.

"Kate?"

The sound of her name rolling from his lips broke her train of thought.

As she looked up to his worried eyes, her eyes softened and a smile started to form on her lips.

"Hey..." she greeted him softly. She opened the door fully and took a few steps towards him before embracing him tightly and burying her nose in the crook of his neck. She closed her eyes tightly as she inhaled his scent.

She missed him.

Regardless of his bad timing, she was glad that he was home and in her arms.

She then let go of his neck and rested her palms on his chest.

He smiled at her gesture. He decided to dismiss her weird reaction earlier as her being surprised by his presence. He then leaned down to kiss her lips softly. His heart couldn't help but beat faster as he felt her lips parted at his touch and a soft sigh escaped involuntarily.

As their lips separated few moments later, he took a good look at her formal attire for the first time and raised his eyebrows. _I saw that dress before, but when_? "Going out on a hot date?"

She grimaced inwardly. "Just dinner with an old friend..."

"Oh..."

He couldn't help but feel disappointed that he couldn't take her for dinner tonight. "Well, I just have to ask you for dinner tomorrow instead of tonight then..."

She smiled apologetically. "Well... If someone actually told me that he's going to come home today instead of tomorrow, I would have re-scheduled." _It's more likely that_ _I would have never accepted the invitation in the first place..._

"It's alright. I have 48 hours shore leave... So tomorrow would be fine..." he kissed her forehead in understanding. "Anyway, I have something for you..."

He then brought his left hand from behind him and presented the arrangement with flourished.

She could feel her eyes sting as she saw a dozen red roses wrapped in a light green tissue paper in front of her.

"They are beautiful. Thank you." She said as she took the flowers from him.

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady," he said softly while his eyes looked at her intently, cataloguing her reaction.

She blinked the moisture in her eyes away and smirked at him. "You're so cheesy..."

He smirked back. "For you, always..."

She then took his hand in hers, pulling him into the house. "Come on, I still have half an hour before I have to go, so you can keep me company until then."

* * *

"Now I remember when I saw your dress before..." Dylan stood next to her against the kitchen bench while she was filing up the vase with water.

"Huh?" Kate didn't look up to meet his eyes; instead, she was intent on the task on hand.

"You asked me to pick up something from the dry cleaner on the way here around 2 weeks ago. That dress was one of them" he said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I remember that," she said as she lifted the vase to the bench next to the sink and started to peel off the sticky tape that held the tissue paper together.

"I also teased you that day, remember that?"

"Hmm?"

"I asked jokingly why you've never wore that dress for me," he paused. "You didn't answer. You just had this melancholy expression on your face. I then deduced that it was because that dress was related to Mike Flynn somehow. So I just let it go that day."

He tightened his jaw as realisation slowly dawned on him. "But you are wearing that dress now..."

Her fingers froze.

Thick silence instantly enveloped them.

No one moved, no one said anything. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of the fridge humming in the background.

"It's him, isn't it? The old friend that you are going to have dinner with," he whispered softly.

"Dylan..."

He snorted unamused. "You know, a man said to me the other day that I'm an idiot for waiting this long; that I should've declared my feelings somehow. He said that life is too short and I shouldn't have played a waiting game when I know for sure that you're the one that I need in my life..."

He then looked up to meet her eyes. "That's why I bought that $100 flowers for you. That's why I showed up in something other than T-shirt, short and thongs, hoping to take you to some fancy restaurant and I don't know," he smiled sarcastically, "maybe woo you, seduce you, or just to stare at you for the rest of the night, memorising the contours of your face... or maybe play footsie with you under the table..."

He shook his head sadly. "I should've listened to my brain. It told me that any plans to rush you into a relationship would backfire on me somehow. But as usual, when it comes to you, my heart always has a stronger opinion than my brain."

Her heart clenched as he spoke quietly. She could feel the hurt and frustration rolling out from his being. "Dylan...I could explain..."

"I just want to know why..." he stared at her intently. "You and him... How long it's been, Kate? Nine or Ten years?"

"Ten..." she replied quietly.

"Ten long years of him playing you like a yo-yo... One minute he was madly in love with you and the other minute he was obsessing about the Hammersley... I just don't understand, Kate. After all the heartache... all the ugly break-ups, all the fights, why are you still pinning for him? Why are you still subjecting yourself to his brand of torture? Do you really love him that much?"

His questions hung in the air.

He regretted that he had raised his voice at the end. But he just couldn't help it. He was just so confused and so frustrated at the situation that he found himself in.

"I don't know, Dylan." she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "That's why I said YES to his dinner invitation. Spending time with him would let me know whether I still have feelings for him. I want to know whether spending time with him would still generate the same feeling that I have when I'm with you lately. I need to know Dylan... I need to know this before I make any kind of commitment to you... and I..."

"In other words, you want to compare us," he said bitterly.

"No! Dylan, please listen to me..."

"What exactly is your plan, Kate? Have dinner with him tonight and then sleep with him? Is that what you're going to do tomorrow with me too? And what's next? You're going to compare your little notes about our performance?" he sneered at her.

The palm of her hand instantly connected with his cheek. He could feel the sting on his cheek as she struck him.

Her eyes blazed at his cutting words. "What kind of woman do you think I am, Dylan?"

"Oh, I don't know...What kind of man do you think I am, huh? The kind that you could just play with? The kind that you could just string along with promises and then cut his heart in pieces?"

"Wasn't that what you always did anyway? String some girls along, sleep with them and left them?" She knew that she had to stop. She knew that she was out of the line. She knew that she was hurting him. But she just couldn't stop. "Maybe you compare them too... How big their breasts are, how good they are in bed, how adventurous they are... Maybe I'm just giving you the taste of your own medicine and obviously you don't like it..."

"That was so low..." he stated quietly, too stunned at her attack to say anything else.

Tears slowly ran down her cheeks at the realisation that she had used his past to hurt him. She hurt the man that had been nothing but sweet and loving to her. _What have I done?_

Silence descended on them once again. Both of them didn't know what to say. Both of them didn't know how to fix this.

"You know that I would never do that to you, right?" he whispered softly. "Tell me you know that I would never just be with you for one night and leave you the morning after? You mean so much to me..." he looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"I know..." she whispered back just as softly.

"I wish that you would see me, Kate... I wish that you could see how much I want to give you everything that you deserve... I wish that I could be the one who makes you happy..." His throat was thick with tears; talking had become a difficult task, but he kept going, needing to let her know what he felt. "I'm standing here, you know... But you always see through me, to the shadow behind me, never at me. And that hurts... very much..."

She moved towards him, wanting to comfort him, wanting to erase the last few minutes of their conversation, but he stepped further away from her. "You mean so much to me too, Dylan. Please don't doubt that..."

"But obviously not enough to be more than my best friend," he smiled sadly.

"Dylan, please..."

He then looked at the clock on the microwave and realised their time was up. She had to go soon.  
_  
__How did the night become like this? I was supposed to be the one having dinner with her, not fighting with her. _

"You better go, otherwise you'll be late." he took a deep breath before continuing. "Have a good dinner...and..."

He looked at her tears-stricken face and the despair in her eyes and suddenly it became too much. He needed to get out of here.

Turning around, he then reached her front door and opened it. He was about to step through the threshold when he stopped.

He searched her eyes once more. He hated himself more for what he was about to say, but he knew that he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't stand the uncertainty. Even though she chose him today, there would always be lingering doubt in his mind of which man she truly loved. He was afraid that he would become one of those overly-possessive men. She would slowly hate him if they continued this. And he just couldn't allow that to happen.

"Just one more thing, Kate..."

"Yes..." she locked eyes with the broken man standing on her doorway.

"If," he shook his head sadly, "no... not if, _when_ he hurt you again, don't come running to me, OK?" he then closed his eyes briefly, trying to control his emotions, but a lone tear still managed to escape from his eye. "I just had enough... I'm so sorry, Kate..."

And with those parting words, he closed the door.

* * *

Kate never felt more alone than right at this moment. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Wasn't just a few minutes ago that they embraced tightly? Was it just a week ago when they were so happy dancing with each other in that bar?

Her eyes then stumbled at the roses. 12 long stemmed red roses.

Every woman in the world knew what the colour of the roses meant.

He tried to tell her that he loved her.

And she blew it.

Her hands then lifted those roses from the kitchen bench. It was still wrapped in the tissue paper. She had only managed to peel off one piece of sticky tape before the fiasco happened.

She carefully cradled the roses in her arms and slowly slid down to sat at the kitchen floor against the cabinet.

She inhaled the deep scent of the roses. The roses that represented his heart.

It was so beautiful and yet, so fragile at the same time.

Memories of how cruel she had been to him earlier assaulted her and made her breath hitched.

And as her arms cradled the roses tighter, she started to sob...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 12**

_A/N: Fair warning guys, this is still very angsty..._

* * *

"Excuse me, Miss, are you ready to order?"

Kate looked up to see the waiter looking at her expectantly. Her eyes then glanced to the empty seat opposite her and she shook her head softly. "Could you please wait for 10 more minutes?"

The waiter smiled politely, but Kate could see a hint of pity in his eyes; probably guessing that she had been stood up.

"Would you like some more wine then?" the waiter's persistent voice reached her ears once again.

Her empty glass was begging her to order more, but she resisted. It was getting more and more likely that she would have to drive home soon and failing a random breath test on the way home after this would be like adding salt on the wound.

"No, thanks," her lips curved slightly to form a polite smile.

The waiter finally got the hint and nodded. "Very well then... I'll be back in 10 minutes."

She watched as the waiter was summoned to another table and started to lean towards one of the other patrons to explain something from the menu card.

She sighed. She was supposed to be one of those people; ordering nice food, having nice dinner, nice conversation, but somehow, fate hadn't been kind at all. Or maybe it wasn't fate. It was probably just her making one bad choice after bad choices in her life that causing all this regrets and heartache.

It took her 15 minutes to stop her tears from flowing after Dylan's departure. She felt empty. All she wanted to do was taking off after him; to apologise. But she doubted very much that he would listen to her. She didn't think that he could, not after she had cruelly hurt him.

So she forced herself to go upstairs and fix her make-up. She went through all the motion of getting ready for a dinner date, knowing full well that tonight would be the end of her and Mike. She would say goodbye to that part of her past. She would close that chapter of her life. Then and only then, she could go to Dylan's place and persuade him to give her one more chance to make this right; one more chance of having a happy life with him.

"Miss?"  
_  
__Is it 10 minutes already?_

"You've been sitting here for the last 40 minutes, Miss. I'm afraid we couldn't wait any longer. Unless you're ordering of course."

She met the waiter's eyes once more. This time, there was a hint of annoyance as well in there. "Could I please get the bill then?"

"Sure," he nodded curtly.

Her eyes then stared at the empty seat in front of her. At first, she thought that he simply had hit some traffic. But the call never came. And her call to his mobile and home went unanswered as well.

Anger had slowly built inside her.

Anger to him for breaking his promise once again.

Anger to herself for foolishly accepting the invitation in the first place.

She shouldn't have entertained the notion of saying goodbye one last time. What was she trying to achieve?

Was it possible that deep down she was still hoping that Mike would finally get off Hammersley and realise his promise to her?

Did she still love him? Did she still want to marry him and have his child?

Her mind slowly conjured up the scene on the beach, her in her wedding dress, walking down the aisle between neat rows of white chairs full of her closest friends. She could see Chloe walking few steps in front of her, throwing petals of roses from a small white bucket she held tightly. But when she tried to see clearly who was waiting for her on the other end, her vision was surprisingly blurry. She then realised that there were tears in her eyes and there was a lump in her throat. She felt that her cheeks hurt. She was actually smiling broadly despite her tears. Desperately, she tried to blink her tears away. She needed to see who the person was. Slowly, her vision cleared. And her breath hitched...

"Miss?"

Once again, she met the waiter's eyes. This time there was a tinge of concern in there.

Then, she felt the dampness on her cheek. Her little vision had made her shed a tear.

"Here's the bill."

"Thank you." She then opened her clutch and pulled out a $20 note from it, slipped it inside the opened folder and closed it. "Keep the change..."

"Very well, Miss, thank you..." he then grabbed the folder from the table and turned around slightly.

She pushed herself upwards and grabbed her clutch. But when she lifted her gaze from the table, she realised that the waiter hadn't moved towards the counter. He was just standing there, clutching the folder tightly, as if he was debating whether to engage her in a conversation once again.

"Yes?" she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

He opened and closed his mouth few times before he spoke, "I'm sure that he has a very good reason for not coming, Miss... So... ummm...you know... Don't be sad..."

She didn't reply, she just smiled sadly at him before heading to the door.

* * *

Dylan sat on his bike quietly. His eyes stared at the neon sign on the building in front of him.

Ivy Lounge.

A place that he hadn't visited ever since that night after the patrol in Karumba almost 10 months ago. Ever since he saw Kate in a different light. Ever since he experienced a softer side of her...

And now here he was. Apparently going back to his old habit...

He snorted. Maybe Kate was right. Maybe he was just too jaded for her. His baggage was too heavy. Which women in her right mind would want a life together with an ex-womaniser like him?

Mike Flynn might be hurting her a lot, but he was not a womaniser. He also had a very respectable position in the Navy and a very bright future. A low-risk choice. The type that women loved to bring home to meet their relatives. Maybe in the end, it boiled down to that. She just wanted an easy choice, whereas, he was just too big of a risk to take.

_Is this my fate? To become a regular in a place like this for the rest of my life?  
_  
He sighed.

He then got up from his bike, stored his helmet, and locked the bike handles with a special lock. He wouldn't need the bike for the night. He would just park it here and catch a cab to get it in the morning.

Taking one last long look at the neon sign, he mentally shielded all his feelings, all his pain and his heart once more. He just wanted to forget...

And with that thought in mind, he opened the door...

* * *

Kate knocked at the door impatiently. She knew that Mike was home. His car was parked on the driveway, along with another car behind it. It definitely looked like he was entertaining someone else inside and that made her even angrier.

She had driven all the way from the restaurant to his place simply because she was angry and she wanted an explanation. He had invited her to the dinner and yet didn't even bother to show up or at least called her to cancel.

_Why? Why would he do that?_

A loud sound of the key being turned made her attention focused to the door again.

"Kate?"

She looked to the person answering the door in disbelief. "Ma'am?"

"What are you doing here?" the curious voice of Maxine White greeted her.  
_  
__What is she doing here? Navcom business at 8 pm?_

"May I speak Commander Flynn, please?" Kate replied evenly.

"I'm not sure this is the right time for a casual chat, Kate... We both have urgent things to care about at the moment. I'm sure whatever it is that you want to say could wait until the next patrol..." the older woman replied dismissively.

Kate's furious gaze met Maxine's. "I've been waiting for a long time to have this conversation with him, Ma'am. So, NO, my conversation couldn't wait until the next patrol, whenever that might be. On the other hand, I think that whatever business you both attend to at the moment could wait until I finish this long overdue conversation with him. Now, could you please tell him that I'm here?"

Silence greeted her statement. The other woman apparently was stunned at her boldness. She honestly didn't care anymore of what Maxine thought of her. After all, they both were standing here at night time in front of a man's house, each clearly had personal mission on their own over the house owner who supposedly was just their colleague.

"Max, who is it at the door?" Mike's voice broke the heavy silence between the two women.

Finally, he reached the opened door and faced her.

He blanched. And yet, he still didn't say anything.

"Mike?" Maxine looked at him questioningly.

"Could you please leave us alone for a moment, Max?" his gaze still locked with Kate.

"Mike... we have more important things to..."

"Max," he cut her sentence and turned his gaze on her, "you can continue making phone calls inside. I won't be long..."

Maxine gave him a long disapproving look, but at the end, she nodded her agreement. She then turned around and went inside, disappearing from both of their view.

Mike then closed the door behind him and looked up to meet Kate's eyes. "It's not what you think it is," he stated, obviously referring to him and Maxine.

"I don't care about you and her," she replied. "I don't care about why she's here, looking so comfortable at your house, even answering your door for you at night time." She took a deep breath before continuing. "All I want to know is why you didn't even bother turning up to your own reservation in that restaurant?"

"I meant to call you to cancel, Kate. But with everything that had been happening for the last 2 hours, I honestly forgot... I'm sorry..." he looked at her apologetically.

"You forgot..." she snorted unamused. "I'm supposed to be the 'unforgettable' woman, aren't I? Isn't that what you've been telling me all this years and this morning? And yet... You forgot your own promise of a dinner with me." Her eyes were blazing with fury. "I sat there for 40 minutes, Mike! 40 minutes of being stared at by other people with pity in their eyes! Who or what exactly is so important that you forgot to even call me?"

Mike closed his eyes briefly. He didn't know where to start or how to start his explanation. "Ryan is missing..." he finally opened that can of worm.

Kate just looked at him confusedly. "What do you mean by missing?"

Mike sighed. "Ryan had a conversation with Maxine after today's patrol. Max told me he just took off afterwards, he didn't answer his phone and no one saw him at junior sailor's accommodation. He's nowhere to be found... Max was really worried, that's why we've been looking for him everywhere. We just got back 15 minutes ago, basically we decided that we're going to base our search from my house instead of Max's. It's unlikely that Ryan would be back to Max's place. It's more likely that he would probably come here..."

"Mike, Ryan is 19 years old. He's an adult. He's also a Navy officer cadet. You can't tell him what to do during his shore leave. If he wants to vent, then let him be. I'm sure he's responsible enough to turn up for work for the next patrol. Besides, you're not his father, you're only his godfather. His parents are alive and reasonably well. They could deal with him. I don't understand why you have to drop everything for him?" Kate was genuinely confused by the whole situation. _What makes Ryan so special?_

"Actually... As of 3 weeks ago, he's my son, Kate," he paused briefly before continuing. "I'm his biological father..."

To say she was stunned would be an understatement.

She just stood there silently, taking it all in.

He didn't say anything else. He just stared at her sadly, apparently waiting for her to make the next move.

She then shook her head softly, "there will always be someone or something more important than me, isn't it?"

"Kate..." his eyes pleaded her to understand his situation.

"10 years ago, you claimed it was our careers, for the last 5 years, it was Hammersley, and now, it's Ryan, your son..." she smiled sadly at him. "I should've never accepted your invitation in the first place. I should have known that it's pointless." Tears started to cloud her eyes. "We've been over for a long time, Mike... I think we both know that, but we're just too much of a coward to admit it... So we hung on to that glimmer of hope that maybe one day, we could make it work after all... But hoping and knowing that we could be together is a very different thing... And after 10 years of doing this, I finally know now that we are just not meant to be..."

Silence greeted her statement.

With one last look at the man that had captured her heart many years ago and then broke it several times along the way, she turned around and started to walk to her SUV parked on the street.

"You're running back to him, aren't you?" he asked bitterly.

She stopped midway to her car and looked at him challengingly. "What if I am? That's none of your business anymore."

He moved closer to her, until he stood in front of her. "I saw you and him on that night after your birthday bash. Kissing and embracing each other on your front porch without any care in the world. That's when I realised that I'm not ready to let you go just yet, Kate."

"So, that's why you invited me to this supposedly dinner tonight?" Realisation started to dawn on her. "You couldn't make me happy, but you don't want me to be happy with someone else either..."

"He's not right for you, Kate... Don't you see? Can't you see it at all?" A tinge of frustration in his voice.

"See what?" she looked at him as if he was losing his mind.

"He is a womaniser... The 'use them and leave them' type... Right now he might seem like an amazingly attentive guy, because he still sees you as a challenge, Kate... but when he has you, he's going to lose interest and find other challenge... And he probably doesn't have a qualm of bragging about how he could get you to his bed to other sailors as well... Where would you be after that, Kate? Your reputation would be tarnished... whereas he probably got admired by all those sailors for his ability to bed 'Princess Perfect'... "

The sound of her palm striking his cheek echoed through the quiet street.

Her whole body was shaking with rage. "That was a wrong argument, Mike. If you want to get me back, then your argument was supposed to be about how much you love me, how you can't live without me, how you are willing to do anything in your power to make me happy..." Angry tears started to roll down her cheeks. "Your argument should not contain a false accusation about a man that had done nothing but making me happy!"

He shook his head sadly. "You're still too blinded by his charm..."

"No Mike... I'm not..." she wiped her tears with her fingers... "There were so many moments within the last 10 months where I was just so vulnerable... Drunk, wasted, broken-hearted... If he wanted to take advantage of me then, he could easily do that... But he didn't! Do you know how many times I fell asleep on his chest after watching movies on the couch? So many times, Mike... and yet not one time he touched me inappropriately. He just hugged me tightly the whole night... that's all he did... and when I woke up, he always had breakfast cooked for me... and we're not even in a relationship! How's that a behaviour of a man who's only after my body?" She jabbed his chest with her forefinger. "I think you're delusional! You let jealousy got the better of you... And if that's the best argument that you could come up with about why I should take you back, then I suggest that you shouldn't even waste your breath!"

She moved away from his space and unlocked her car. She then opened the door and threw her clutch in.

"So, this is it then? You're throwing away 10 years of history between us?" disbelief coloured his voice.

"That's exactly what we are, Mike, a history... There's nothing left... We make sure of it, remember? We broke each other's heart so many times; the pieces were actually too little to even be recognised."

She stared sadly at him. "Mike, go inside... Take care of your family... I hope for your sake that Ryan is alright..."

"And you... Where are you going now?" he asked softly. He recognised a defeat when he saw one.

"I owe my best friend a huge apology..."

* * *

Kate looked briefly at the watch in her SUV. _It's almost 10 o'clock._ She had been sitting in her car for the last hour, staring at Dylan's balcony. His apartment looked dark. Either he was sleeping already or he was not home. She was willing to bet that it was the later option. That was why she was waiting and would continue waiting until he was home. She had been wasting so much time in terms of her and Dylan. She needed to fix this now; otherwise, tomorrow, it might be too late.

Her eyes then stumbled upon a small figurine on the centre of the dashboard. She smiled at the memory of him buying her the small figurine as a 'car warming' present. They had spent that afternoon 3 weeks ago in the dealership, arguing over which car she should buy to replace her old and broken car; a result of another idiot hit the boot of her car, again... Initially, she had insisted on a small sedan and he was the opposite, wanting her to have a sturdier car. Something that would intimidate other drivers he said. After much debate and few dirty looks from other people in the dealership, they reached a compromise. She would buy a SUV, albeit the one that had a slimmer build and softer edges than most SUV, so that it wouldn't be a man's car, but still sturdy enough to offer her more protection than an average small sedan.

As an apology for being so stubborn and as a present for getting a new car, he gave her the little sailor figurine, complete with an authentic looking junior sailor uniform. He said that because they were now in the different ship and therefore couldn't see each other all the time, that small little fella could be his replacement when he was away. So that she would know that he would always be there for her, even without his 'annoying' presence in the car.

She could feel that her tears slowly gathered at the thought of him. Could she fix this? What if he refused to listen to her? What if she was too late? What if she had hurt him so badly that they had reached the point of no return?

The sound of an incoming car to the complex broke her thought.

As she turned her gaze to the source of the sound, her blood ran cold.

* * *

Dylan put the gear of the expensive rental car into a neutral position and turned to see his companion.

A long-legged brunette named Amber.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go upstairs with you? Last offer..." She smiled suggestively at him, while her hand rubbed his thigh in an up and down motion.

He felt a flicker of desire ran through his veins for a second, but then it disappeared as quickly as it began. "Maybe next time..." _If there is next time... which is looking very unlikely..._

"Sure..." She then leaned forward towards him, intending to kiss him on the lips, but he turned his head slightly at the last minute, causing her lips to only be able to touch the corner of his lips. She then looked thoughtfully at him. "You're so awfully quiet tonight, Dylan..."

"I'm sorry. I'm not a very good company at the moment..."

She shrugged, "It's alright. You're the one paying, so it's your loss..."

He snorted, "touché..."

He opened the door and got out of the car. Amber did the same. They exchanged one short peck on the cheek before she got into the driver seat and with a little wave, driving away from his complex.

He stared quietly at the car disappearing into the night.

Somehow, he felt even emptier than when he left Kate's place.

He felt dirtier too...

Suddenly, he was blinded by the lights shining to his eyes. _What the hell?_

He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the incoming lights. A second later, his pupils adjusted and he could see that the light came from headlights of an SUV. He squinted further to see who was behind the wheel. When he saw familiar green eyes full of tears stared back at him, he instantly froze.  
_  
__Kate... No... Not like this..._

He was about to move forward to the driver side of the SUV when it lurched forward towards him. Seeing no sign of stopping from her, he quickly dove towards the side and landed hard on the pavement.

He grunted at the impact on his ribs. But, he pushed aside the pain and quickly got up from the ground.

It was too late though... Her car had already sped away from the parking lot...

* * *

_He is a womaniser... _  
_  
__The 'use them and leave them' type... _  
_  
__He only sees you as a challenge, Kate... When he has you, he's going to lose interest and find other challenge... _  
_  
__And he probably doesn't have a qualm of bragging about how he could get you to his bed to other sailors as well..._

Mike's earlier warnings rang loudly in Kate's ears like a broken record. Before, she was so sure that Dylan wasn't like that. But now, after seeing those scenes in the parking lot with her own eyes, she wasn't so sure of anything anymore.  
_  
__Why Dylan, why?_

Tears kept running down her cheeks in steady stream, blocking her nose, tightening her throat and making her breath hitch. She could feel that she was so close to sobbing uncontrollably.  
_  
__There must a good explanation, Kate... Dylan wouldn't do that to you... He wouldn't hurt you like that..._

The other voice inside her head tried to calm her down; reminding her of how sweet his actions and thoughts were for as long as she could remember.

But the scene of that brunette touching him and kissing him had enraged her to the point where all her being was hurt.

Dylan had accused her of wanting to compare him with Mike earlier in the night. And whether that was her initial intention of accepting Mike's invitation or not was beside the point. She actually got her comparison.  
_  
__But at what cost?_

As she pondered that question, a very bright light shone through the blurriness in her eyes.

She could hear the screeching sound of tyres skidded on the asphalt.

And then silence...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	13. Chapter 13

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 13**

_A/N: More angst... hang in there, guys..._

* * *

Dylan stared at the tail lights of Kate's SUV in dismay. He couldn't believe what had just happened. It was clear that she was running back to him, probably to talk, maybe to settle their earlier argument, but he ruined it. He had hurt her; something that he swore he would never do.

He then ran his hands through his hair in frustration while racking his brain for his next move. His bike was still parked in the lounge's parking lot. So that option was not good. Calling a taxi would take forever. By the time he arrived at her place, her defences would be up high and he would lose any chances he might have to fix this. Which meant only one option left.

He ran.

* * *

Dylan didn't know how long he had been running on the narrow footpath. His dress shoes were somewhat ruined now. He could feel the pain in his feet. But in all honesty, he couldn't care less. Kate was more important. He couldn't undo what he had done. But he could still apologise, he could still beg her to give him one more chance. He hoped that the fact that she ran back to him even after he specifically told her not to, meant that she was going to make this work between them. That she finally chose him. His face hardened as he swore that he would fix this. He would not let his stupidity destroyed the best thing that ever happened in his life.

The sound of the siren wailing in the distance broke his thought. _Is there an accident somewhere?_

He answered his own question when he saw the flashing light of the police car just few hundred metres ahead. Seeing that, he forced himself to stop running. He then took a deep breath and straightened his clothes a little bit. It wouldn't do for a police to see a man running like a maniac. They would think that he was just committing a crime or something like that.

As he got closer to the accident scene, he noticed the silhouette of a truck on the opposite lane, unmoving. He hated to think about the fate of the other car if that was the opponent it faced. One blessing was that the accident happened at night, so that the traffic hadn't been backed up too much. He wondered whether he would be allowed to pass through though. Well, he guessed that he wouldn't know until he reached the scene.

As he continued his steps, his eyes started to make out the silhouette of the other car. Somehow, his stomach started to churn.

The other car was an SUV. _Just like Kate's._

He gave himself a brief mental shake to get rid of his worry, but nevertheless, his feet were moving faster than before, carrying him closer and closer to the scene.

Then he stopped.

_No..._

It was a dark green SUV. He would know that colour anywhere.

He was there when her eyes lightened up as she saw the display car with that colour.

He was there when she confidently marched up to the car salesman and asked what the drive-away-price was.

He started to run towards it, until he could see the license plate.  
_  
__Oh GOD..._

He ran even faster.  
_  
__Please... please... let her be alright..._

* * *

"Sir, calm down!" The policewoman struggled to hold back the big man that was trying to breach the barricade.

"Kate McGregor, where is she? Is she alright?"

"Sir, please calm down, or I'll have to arrest you!" She saw the desperation in his eyes as he asked those questions and couldn't help but wonder whether he was the loved one of the woman he was looking for.

Dylan didn't understand why this woman wouldn't let him through. She wouldn't answer his questions either.  
_  
__Is Kate d...?_

He squeezed his eyes tightly as the thought came to his mind.  
_  
__NO... NO... Don't think that way, Dylan... Just do as the policewoman says and calm the hell down! _

He took few deep breaths while his hands rested on his hips, trying to keep his frustrations on a tight leash.

Looking up to meet the woman's eyes properly, he could see his reflection in her eyes, looking every bit as mad as he felt right now. _No wonder she wouldn't let me through._

"Ma'am, my name is Dylan Mulholland. That car there," Dylan pointed out to the dark green SUV, "is my best friend's car. Her name is Kate McGregor. Please... I just need to know whether she is alright..."

She looked at him with sympathetic eyes and beckoned him through. "Come with me."

* * *

"I told you before, I'm fine..."

The paramedic ignored the woman's stubbornness and kept asking her politely for her eyes to follow the movement of the lights from his small torch.

"Do you feel any headache? Any nausea?"

"No... I'm fine... I just want to go home..."

The paramedic sighed. "Ma'am..."

"Kate."

He nodded, acknowledging her name, "Kate, at the moment, it's possible that the adrenaline is masking any pain from any injuries that you might have, so even though you feel fine at the moment, you might not feel so good in an hour or so."

Kate frowned. "With all due respect," she raised her eyebrows, silently asking for his name.

"Sam."

"Sam, I work for the Navy, I've been through a fair share of injuries myself; I think I would know the difference between an adrenaline-induced good feeling and the real one."

He smiled inwardly at her argument. Based on his experience, law enforcement officers and military personnel were one of the worse patients. They always thought that they were somewhat immune to pain. Maybe it was because in their line of work, pain was a sign of weakness. And showing weakness, in any way, shape or form was considered as cardinal sin. "Be as that may, I think I prefer to determine that myself, Kate," he finally said in reply.

She sighed, "Fine..."

* * *

"Your friend is very lucky. She lost her concentration on the road and her car swerved to the opposite lane. But, she managed to swerve the car back to the other direction at the last minute, narrowly missing the big truck. Unfortunately though, her car still went over the narrow footpath and hit the wall fence of that unit complex," the policewoman explained patiently to Dylan while walking beside him.

"But she's fine, isn't she?" Dylan asked her for the umpteenth time.

"Well, her airbags were deployed and she was unconscious for a few minutes according to the truck driver. Thankfully, she wore her seatbelt. That helped her immensely. Physically, she looks alright. But the paramedic is still checking her for anything out of the ordinary. Just in case..."

Dylan could only nod at her explanation. Frankly, his worry hadn't dissipated at all, not until he saw her condition with his own eyes.

Then he heard it from the distance.

Kate's voice.

* * *

"If there's nothing wrong with me, why are we going to the hospital?" Kate said in protest when Sam rolled her gurney to the inside of the ambulance.

"Kate, my job is to assess you until I'm satisfied that you're good enough to go home. I've ruled out external injuries and concussion, but I haven't ruled you out from internal injuries yet." He looked at her pointedly. "In order to do that, I need at least an X-Ray machine, possibly an MRI."

"I'm sorry for being difficult..." she looked away from his stare. "It's just been a really bad day..." she offered weakly as a way of explanation.

He gave her a small smile. "It's all good. Let's just do all the necessary scans and then if everything shows up as negative, you can go straight home." He then put the brakes of the gurney on and tightened the straps on her middle. "Is there anybody that you want me to call for you? Any relatives or family waiting for you at home?"

She shook her head softly. "No... I live alone..."

As she said those words, it truly hit her how alone she was. She had no family. She had no boyfriend or spouse either. Her boss who was also her ex was busy trying to find his biological son. And the man that had been her best friend was no more...

"Or a friend maybe. Someone that could keep an eye on you for the next few days or so..."

"I could do that..."

Her head sharply turned to the direction of the voice.

And their eyes met.

Blue met green.

Regret and relief met stubbornness and despair.

Not realising the tension between the two of them, the paramedic gave Dylan a once over and asked curiously, "and you are?"

Dylan turned his gaze to the man that still hovering concernedly over Kate. "Dylan Mulholland. I'm a friend."

She snorted unamused at his declaration. "Dylan, don't bother. Go home," she then continued icily, "I'm sure you have a better offer waiting for you there..."

He looked at her stubborn eyes pointedly. "I turned it down, remember? She drove the car away..."

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she remembered the exact moment her heart broke to pieces. "I'm sure one phone call would fix the problem straight away..."

"Kate, please..." he said pleadingly, but she turned her eyes away, refusing to drown in his intense blue eyes.

"Look, mate, why don't you hop in here. Keep her company," the paramedic gave him a knowing look, "I'll just sit at the front."

Dylan smiled gratefully at the other man. "Thanks, mate."

* * *

The ride was unsurprisingly quiet. Sitting on the narrow bench opposite Kate's gurney, Dylan tried to catch Kate's eyes through the reflection on the window, but she was studiously ignoring him, fixing her stare somewhere else.

"Are you going to ignore me forever?" he finally broke the silence.

Kate turned her head around slowly to meet his eyes. "After we get to the hospital, you should go home. I can take care of myself."

He sighed. "Kate, I'm not going anywhere... Not until we talk properly."

"What else we have left to talk about, Dylan? You made it clear that I shouldn't seek you out anymore..." Her teary eyes challenged him to say anything to the contrary.

He moved his body closer to her gurney and leaned forward to stare at her intently. "Yes, I said that you shouldn't come running to me ever again. But, you did tonight..."

"And that was a very stupid thing to do," she said defiantly in reply. "I should have known that I meant nothing to you; judging by how easily you went back to your old habit!"

"Kate! That's not true and you know that!" He ground his jaw in frustration at her stubbornness. "If that was your interpretation of the whole situation, then I could say the same thing about the way you treated me. Judging by how easily he could persuade you to have dinner with him, obviously I meant nothing to you either..."

"So you're saying that this is entirely my fault..." Tears were now running down her cheeks in steady stream. Her hands wiped her tears furiously, angry at herself for being weak and for thinking that he would be different from other men that had disappointed her in the past.

"No..." he cupped her cheek softly and angled her face towards him. "I'm saying that we both made questionable choices tonight and we both were at faults. But... there were reasons why you were running back to me and there were also reasons why I didn't invite the woman upstairs. All I'm asking you is to give us a chance to discuss those reasons with each other before you make up your mind about us." he pleaded gently, willing her to see the rational side of his arguments.

But their conversation was cut short when they felt the ambulance stop. Soon, they heard the back door being opened and Sam once again appeared in front of them.

"Sorry for interrupting," he gave them an apologetic smile when he realised their close proximity with each other, "but we need to get the lady to be scanned..."

"Of course." Dylan said while he climbed out the van before helping the other man rolled Kate's gurney out of the vehicle. He was about to follow her to the ER when she spoke.

"Dylan, go home..."

"Kate..."

"That's an order, Petty Officer," she said as sternly as possible, ignoring his persistent eyes and her own broken heart.

Realising that having a full-blown argument couldn't be good for his patient, Sam quickly pushed the gurney to the direction of the ER door, muttering apology to Dylan in the process.

Dylan just looked helplessly at the now disappearing gurney, berating himself once again for the choices he made earlier in the evening.

_Am I too late now?_

* * *

_To be continued..._


	14. Chapter 14

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 14**

A/N: I know it's been such a long time, so without further ado, here is Chapter 14.

* * *

"I ordered you to go home, Dylan..."

Dylan looked up from the sight of the neat row of waiting chairs opposite him to the source of the voice.

"It wasn't an order. It was just a suggestion, Kate," he shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly.

Kate's lips couldn't help but curved upwards slightly at the memory of that day in front of the shed during that gold smuggling case. "You've never been good at following my orders anyway..."

"Hey... I follow your orders just fine, thank you!" he replied indignantly before continuing, "It's just that when it comes to your safety, I think that as your buffer, I can alter the interpretation of your 'suggestion' a little bit."

She snorted. "Only you would do that."

"I have to..." he stared at her intently, "you're important to me."

Her eyes softened a little bit at his statement. But she didn't reply. She just stood there clutching the scan results and a small plastic bag containing her purse and jewellery to her chest. She had thought long and hard during her various scans and tests; thinking about all the things that had happened today and mostly about whether he would still be here when she finished the tiresome process. The fact that he was waiting for her patiently on a hard plastic chair made her wondered what that meant for the both of them.

"I think I know why you hired her..." She broke the silence between them. "An eye for an eye. I hurt you first, Dylan. That was why you hired her, to hurt me. It was a payback... and I think I deserve that, judging by the way I've hurt you so much."

"Kate, NO..." He stood up from his chair before taking a few steps forward towards her. His thumb then tilted her chin upwards, urging her eyes to meet his. "Yes, I was hurting. Yes, I was angry. And that was why I went to that place. To forget everything for a few hours. But NO... I didn't do it to deliberately hurt you. You came back to my place and saw a glimpse of my stupidity were not part of a plan to hurt you. I know I did though. And there was not a second since you drove your car away that I didn't regret it. You don't deserve to be hurt. Ever. Not by anyone. And certainly not by me."

Her eyes searched his for the telltale sign of a lie, but deep down in her heart, she knew that he was telling her the truth. Dylan was many things; charming, stubborn, annoyingly protective. But he was not a liar. The fact that he was here with her was the biggest proof of it. The only way he could have known that she had an accident would be because he followed her. He ran after her. Somehow, even after all the things that she said and did to hurt him, he still cared.

"Dylan..."

"Yes?"

"Will you please hold me?"

His heart swelled at the request. It seemed that he got another chance; maybe it was more that what he deserved, but he was grateful all the same.

"Of course..." he replied softly. He then took the envelope and the bag away from her grasp and put it to the nearest bench before slowly reaching for her waist and pulling her to his chest gently.

She closed her eyes at the feeling of his warm chest against her cheek.

_Home._

Being in his arms felt like coming home.

And for the first time since she regained consciousness in her car after the accident, she could feel the tiredness slowly creeping in every single muscles of her body. Her arms then tightened around his waist, bringing her body to rest fully in his arms.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Their combined heartbeats along with the distant chatters of the nurses in their station just down the hall were the only sound they could hear.

Dylan had longed to do this all night. He realised that they were indeed very lucky. She could have died in that accident. She could have sustained serious injuries and instead of waiting in the radiology floor, he could be waiting on the surgery floor or worse, identifying her body in the morgue. He squeezed his eyes shut at the thought and consciously tightened his hug. He then peppered kisses on the top of her head, grateful that she was here with him, grateful that despite everything that had happened tonight, she still sought his touch and his comfort.

"Did they clear you to go home?" he asked quietly.

She nodded against his chest. "No broken bones, no concussion, just slight bruises from the impact of the airbags and seatbelt and few surface lacerations because of the broken front windows."

"I'm glad that you're alright," he whispered softly to her ear.

She raised her head from his chest to meet his eyes. "Me too..."

His lips curved up to form a smile at her admission. He then kissed her forehead softly, before letting her go and entwined their hands instead. "Come on, let's get you home."

She squeezed his hand tighter in agreement. She then picked up her belongings from the chair before letting him lead the way to the elevator.

"Could we stop somewhere on the way home?" she asked tentatively while standing next to him, waiting for the elevator to come.

"Where about?" he looked at her quizzically.

"Pancake's place?"

He raised his eyebrows in confusion, "Are you hungry?"

"Hu-uh... Starving actually," her lips formed a slight pout as a response to his question.

He couldn't help but smile at the rare sight of her pout. Kissing her temple softly, he then teased her playfully, "either the food during your dinner was not good or the portion was too small."

She smiled sadly at his teasing. _If only that was the case. _"Mike never made it to dinner."

She broke their eye contact and then rested her head on his upper arm, afraid of seeing the pity in his eyes or an 'I told you so' look.

Dylan couldn't believe what he just heard. That revelation explained somehow the enormity of her ordeal tonight. A cancelled dinner and a broken promise. Sometimes, he seriously wanted to punch his former CO for doing this to her for so long. How could you profess to love someone then hurting them over and over again?

_Don't be so high and mighty, Dylan. You're actually no better than him. You hurt her too tonight._

"I'm sorry, Kate."

She met his eyes once more. There was no pity in his eyes, only remorse over the choices he made tonight. Once again she questioned her decision to accept Mike's invitation in the first place. If she didn't, none of these events would happen. She could have a very nice dinner with her best friend. There was no need for heartache, arguments and car accident, among everything that had happened tonight.

"You're not the one who stood me up, Dylan," she finally said in reply.

"I wasn't," his lips kissed the top of her head softly. "But I'm sorry all the same."

"I know you are," she stared at him with misty eyes, "and I'm sorry too..."

The sound of the elevator arriving on their floor broke their moment. They smiled softly at each other before stepping together into the empty elevator.

He then looked at her thoughtfully. "Maybe we don't need to go to that restaurant. I think we still have leftover pancake batter in your fridge."

"Really?"

"Hu-uh... And also half a tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer." He pulled her closer to him, urging her to rest her body to his side during the elevator ride. "That way, while I cook your very late supper, you could have a hot shower to refresh yourself. It'll make you feel better."

Once again, his thoughtfulness never ceased to amaze her. "I'd like that."

He smiled broadly at her. "So it's a deal then. Chocolate chip pancake with 2 swirls of honey and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Sounds good?"

"Yes," she rewarded his suggestion with a lingering kiss on his cheek, "that sounds heavenly."

* * *

"That doesn't look like a chocolate chip pancake to me."

Dylan smiled at her comment. "That's because it's not. I found this," he held up a small package of macadamia nuts, "at the back of the pantry."

Kate moved closer to stand beside him in front of the cook top, observing the way the batter started to formed tiny bubbles on the surface.

"Was the shower good?"

She looked up from the sight of the bubbling pancakes to meet his eyes. "Yes... Just what I need."

"Good..." he leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly, before he turned his attention to the pancake once more; waiting for the right time to flip it.

"You're welcome to freshen up upstairs, you know," she offered tentatively. "You left few clothes here before. I just keep forgetting to give it back to you."

"Hmm... any non-girly soap available?" he teased her playfully while he flipped the pancakes.

She smiled. "Hmm... Let me think... I have vanilla, vanilla, and vanilla... Is that non-girly enough for you?"

"I'm just kidding..." he smiled back at her. "I would love to freshen up if you don't mind. It's been a long night."

"Then go for it. I can finish that," she said referring to the almost cooked supper.

"You sure?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Dylan..." she crossed her arms in front of her chest in annoyance, "I can cook just fine, thank you... Besides, you might not notice it, but you stink!"

"Hey... watch it!" he tried to glare at her but his lips couldn't help to form a grin at her jibes.

They then smiled at each other in that easy companionship that they always shared.

The thought that she had nearly lost this, or whatever feelings they shared with each other, was enough to cast a shadow on her smile. And as usual, he picked up on it.

"Hey... you OK?" concern tinged his voice.

"Yeah... I'm fine..."

He frowned. "Kate..."

"Dylan... I'm fine..." She then took the spatula from his hand and pushed him to the direction of the stairs. "Go freshen up. Spare towel and toothbrush are in the cabinet on the bathroom corner. I've already put your change of clothes next to the sink. So you should be all set."

He couldn't help but grinned stupidly at her speech. The whole thing felt so domestic. Somehow, it felt right as well.

"What?"She raised her eyebrows at his grin.

He shook his head softly. "Nothing..."

And with his grin still plastered firmly on his face, he climbed upstairs.

* * *

"It's a beautiful night, isn't?"

"Yes..." Kate could feel his presence on her right side, but she didn't turn around to face him. She kept staring at the full moon from her patio windows.

"Have you eaten yet?" Dylan asked quietly, sensing her sombre mood.

She looked up briefly at his feature before fixing her gaze to the night sky once again. "Yes."

He stood there silently, waiting patiently for her to tell him what was going on in her head. He was under no illusion that they still had a lot to discuss between them. Their embrace in the hospital corridor and the short conversation that followed was a good start, but he knew that this was not over yet.

She then broke the silence. "Do you regret that the girl drove away?"

His arm slowly circled her waist, bringing her to rest on his side. "No. I didn't regret it."

"What did you do with her?" she asked curiously.

He sighed. "We had dinner, went to the club, danced together and took a joyride around town..."

"I see..."

Silence descended on them. And for the first time, it was an uncomfortable silence.

"You didn't really get your money worth then."

"I actually did."

She stiffened.

Realising his mistake, he tightened his arm around her and kissed her temple softly. "I didn't mean it that way."

"Then what?" she asked stiffly.

"Spending time with her made me realised some very important things actually."

"Such as?" prompted her quietly, dreading the answer.

"I want you."

She raised her head from his chest to meet his gaze.

"Only you."

The conviction in his voice and the adoration that was apparent in his eyes slowly eased the pain in her heart.

"Are you saying to me that you prefer spending time with me on the couch watching movies rather than driving a convertible with 'James Bond Girl'?" she looked incredulously at him.

He smiled softly at her. "You make it sound like spending time with you is a chore."

She sighed. "Sometimes, I wonder what you see in me..."

"Excuse me?" Disbelief coloured his voice.

"Look at those women you've ever went out with. They're tall, leggy, have womanly assets in the 'right' size, not to mention the fact that they looked incredibly good sitting in the convertible with you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "You see... I'm not your type at all... Plus, I'm also stubborn and opinionated; heaven knows how many arguments we have had all this time we knew each other. And, as if those two traits are not enough to make men run away, I'm also a workaholic... I love my job and I make no apology about that..."

"And you shouldn't..." He cut her mid-sentence. To say he was stunned at her tirade would be an understatement.

"Kate, if you're not a workaholic... then I would never meet you, Lieutenant McGregor. I would never know how bossy you are..." he said cheekily.

"That doesn't earn you any points, big fella..." She mockingly glared at him.

"And how brave you are," he grinned broadly in reply to her glare, "and how much you care for your sailors." He continued, "I'm actually glad that you're not my type. My usual type was a little bit predictable and borderline boring. But you; bickering with you is always entertaining and watching movies with you is definitely a life changing experience... especially your running commentaries..."

She laughed at his comment. "Especially when that old lady was shushing me because I'm too loud, huh?"

"Exactly..." he hugged her waist to him, urging her to lean her body deeper into his embrace. "Conclusion... you are an amazing woman, Kate... in every way there is..."

A lump started to form in her throat at the sincerity she could hear in his voice. Somehow, with all her baggage, all her insecurities, all her hang-ups about Mike, there was this man who stood by her through everything, who cared deeply about her and whom she suspected loved her too.

"Dylan..."

"Hmm..."

She lifted her head from his chest before raising her arms to hug his neck tightly and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry about today... I'm sorry that I said those cruel words to you..." Her eyes started to brim with tears as she remembered how ugly their arguments had been. "I'm sorry that I was stupid enough to accept his invitation in the first place."

He tightened his embrace at the mention of the dinner. "Did he give you a reason for not coming?" he couldn't hold his curiosity.

She lifted her head from his neck and met his curious eyes. "Remember Ryan White?"

"His godson, right?"

"Try his 'son'." She said with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

His eyes widened. "No way..."

"Yes way... Apparently as of 3 weeks ago according to him..." Her lips curved up slightly at his gobsmacked expression. "Ryan ran away from home and his mum enlisted Mike's help to look for their son. So, while I was sitting in the restaurant wondering why he didn't come, he was driving around town and making phone calls enquiring about Ryan's whereabouts..."

"He didn't even call you?" his shock turned to anger.

She shook her head. "I had to bang on his door to get answers. And guess what, Commander White answered the door."

He cringed. "Ouch..."

"Exactly. My emotion was already a wreck when I arrived at your parking lot. And then, the convertible girl happened." She sighed. "Suddenly, the level of pain became unbearable..."

"Kate... I'm sorry..." He couldn't do anything else beside apologising and holding her a lot closer to him.

"That was how I know for sure that I'm not in love with Mike anymore." She smiled sadly. "I got my comparison, a very twisted comparison indeed, but I know now that you have a lot more power to hurt me than Mike."

"And are you OK with that?" he whispered softly. A glimmer of hope was shining in his eyes.

She lowered her arms and rested the palm of her hands on his chest while her brain contemplated his question. "I think so," she then shook her head softly, "but I don't know..."

He smiled at her answer. "It seems that you still need a little bit more convincing from me."

"Maybe..." She caressed his smiling face lovingly. "It's just that it's kind of scary to give that kind of power to someone else."

"I see..." He said thoughtfully. He then took her hand and kissed its knuckles softly. "Dance with me then..."

"Here?" She raised her eyebrows at his request.

"Hu-uh. We'll just put music on and we'll be all set." He grinned widely at her.

She shook her head at his effort to charm her to say yes with his smile. And predictably, she caved in. "Of course I will dance with you. Do you really think I'm going to say no?"

"A lot of things had been happening today, Kate... Better safe than sorry..."

She smiled. "Pick the music, Dylan... It's not polite to keep the lady waiting..."

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

_Put your head on my shoulder_  
_Hold me in your arms, baby_  
_Squeeze me oh so tight_  
_Show me that you love me too._

_Put your lips next to mine, dear_  
_Won't you kiss me once, baby_  
_Just a kiss good night_  
_Maybe you and I will fall in love._

Michael Buble's voice reverberated throughout the living room, accompanying two people dancing close to each other in the middle of it.

Their movements were subtle, as if they were not dancing at all.

Both simply cherished their time together; grateful that they had one more chance to make things right.

"You know, this is the 3rd time I wrecked my car this year. The insurance must have thought that I'm a high-risk driver or something." Kate murmured quietly, breaking the silence that they had a minute ago.

"Well, the first two accidents definitely weren't your fault." He paused slightly, "and this one was technically mine..."

She looked up to meet his eyes. "You didn't drive the car, Dylan. I did. It wasn't your fault."

He sighed. "It felt like it was."

"Dylan, stop it," she chastised him softly. "Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you can help me write the insurance claim report."

"Hmm... Insurance paperworks are the worse. I hope that they will appoint better mechanics than the last one."

"I hope so too. Otherwise, you can just flex your muscle in front of those mechanics, I'm sure that would be a good incentive for them to do a good job..."

He laughed. "Come on, Kate, I can't keep threatening them with bodily harm. It has been a little bit overused, don't you think?"

"Maybe... but it's been pretty effective so far, why do we have to change methods?" she replied amused.

"Right... We shouldn't change the winning formula..." he grinned at her conspiratorially.

"Exactly," she grinned back at him.

* * *

_Some people say that love's a game_  
_A game you just can't win_  
_If there's a way_  
_I'll find it someday_  
_And then this fool will rush in._

He then rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes briefly in the process. "You know that you are beautiful, right?"

She rolled her eyes at his words. "Dylan, you're biased."

"Maybe," his lips curved upwards amused, "but it doesn't make it less true."

She kissed his smiling lips softly. "You are too good for my ego..."

"That's why you need to keep me around," he said half serious, half jokingly. He then tightened his arm around her waist and held their entwined fingers that rest on his chest tighter.

"There were actually other things that I realised during my 'outing' today..."

"Hmm?" she murmured quietly from his chest.

"She could actually rest her chin on my shoulder. That's how tall she was." He was quietly referring to the convertible girl.

She raised her head from his chest to look at him pointedly. "Are you sure that you didn't want to call her back?"

"Why do you think I want to?"

She shrugged. "I don't know... Maybe because I can barely see beyond your shoulder... unless I wore super high heels of course... Also, if you wanted to kiss her, you wouldn't have to lower your head down to meet her lips. You just turn your head to the side and voila... "

"I don't want to kiss her..."

"Then what's your point of mentioning her height?" A touch of annoyance coloured her voice.

He kissed her nose softly before replying. "She might be tall and she might have the right proportion of womanly assets. But, she's not you... She's not Kate McGregor..."

He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead and ran his hand through her locks. "She doesn't have a silky long blond hair."

He then kissed her eyelids, causing her to close her eyes momentarily. "She doesn't have a pair of green eyes that could strip bare one's soul either."

Her eyes started to glaze with unshed tears at his speech. Her hand then moved up to cradle his cheek softly. But she stayed silent.

"She might be perfect," he turned his head to the side to kiss her palm, "but I don't need perfect, Kate. I need someone who fits me. And you," he smiled softly at her, "a 5.5' tall woman with a glare that could make most sailor squirm, fits me perfectly."

Her lips formed a watery smile at him. "I make you squirm, huh?"

He chuckled. "I said most sailors... not all... BUT... you have more important power than making me squirm..." He then stared at her intently. "You have the power to hurt me, Kate... and I must admit that you've utilised that power on me a few times now..."

"I know..." Droplet of tears rolled down her cheek slowly, "and I'm sorry..." Remorse filled her glassy eyes. "I'm sorry that I've been taken you for granted...I'm sorry that I was too focused on my past that I didn't see my future stood right beside me all this time."

"Don't be..."His hand cradled her head softly. "I knew the risk from the start, and yet, I kept going. I just couldn't stay away from you..."

He then lowered her lips to hers; planting small kisses on her lips; kisses that gradually went deeper and harder. His tongue nudged her lips to open slightly, so that he could taste that sweet nectar of hers. And once he did, he couldn't stop. Time didn't exist at this minute, what mattered to them was being in each other's arms.

She broke their kiss first in search for air. But his lips searched hers once more and she couldn't resist. They were slowly but surely burning in their desire for each other. The journey had been too long, too winding and now that it had started to entwine together, they were just reluctant to let go of each other.

But eventually, he had to.

His forehead then rested against hers, while they breathed raggedly, trying to get their lungs to pumped some air to their system.

"No one ever makes my heart beat like you do, Kate..." he whispered softly while his hand held hers over his heart to feel it thumping wildly under her hand. "Only you could do that... only you could make it alive... I need you..."

"I need you too..." She whispered back as softly.

"Then trust me..." he kissed her lips lightly, "trust me with your heart... Trust me to keep it safe..."

"Dylan..." She closed her eyes tightly, willing herself to fulfil his request, to finally start a new journey with him.

"Trust me, Kate..." He tightened his arms around her. "Just like you always trusted me with your life when we boarded a vessel together."

"Just like boarding FFVs..." Her lips started to curve up for a smile at his analogy.

"Yes... Just like that..."

Silence enveloped them once more.

His heart thumped wilder in his chest cavity; waiting anxiously for what she had to say, whether she finally would allow him to be hers and vice versa.

"Okay..."

He swore his heart stopped when she said that simple word. His heart stopped only to be revived by the realisation that this was it. The moment that he had been persevering for. The moment she finally chose him.

There were no fireworks to mark this moment, just a sight of a man and woman in a tight embrace in the middle of the living room.

Their lips met again, this time slowly and languidly. Every caress of their lips, their tongues and every single touch of their hands on each other's skins made them closer. They were slowly becoming one with one another.

* * *

_Put your head on my shoulder_  
_Whisper in my ear baby_  
_Words I want to hear tell me_  
_Tell me that you love me too._

"Dylan..."

"Hmm..." He managed to reply in between kissing the soft skin on her neck and shoulder.

"I bought baby oil the other week..." She said quietly, almost absentmindedly.

He lifted his head from the curve of her neck and raised his eyebrows at her. "Does that mean what I think it mean?"

She smiled and rested her hands on his chest. "I'm just taking you up on your massage offer a few weeks back... That's if you are still offering of course..."

"Just a massage?" He grinned playfully while caressing the strip of bare skin on her back that wasn't covered by her tank top.

She couldn't help but grin back at him. "Well...I don't know..." she then raised her arms and circled his neck. "Why don't you take me upstairs and we'll see..."

Silence greeted her offer.

Realising what she just said, she blushed deeply. _Gee, Kate... _"Too forward, huh?" she grimaced.

He just shook his head softly and pulled her to his tight embrace. "No..." Kissing her temple repeatedly, he then continued teasingly. "I just didn't expect that from Ms. Raincheck..."

She chuckled against his shoulder and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Once again grateful that their argument earlier in the evening was truly in the past now.

* * *

_Put your head on my shoulder_  
_Whisper in my ear baby_  
_Put your head on my shoulder_

"Make love to me, Dylan..." she whispered softly to his ear.

His body stilled the second he heard her request. A lump formed in his throat as happiness overwhelmed him. "Are you sure, Kate?" he croaked softly.

She raised her head to meet his eyes. "I am."

"Good..." caressing her cheek, he then kissed her again.

Deeply.

Possessively.

"Kate," he breathed her name softly, "If we are doing this, then there is no going back." His eyes searched hers urgently, "you're stuck with me."

She smiled, "I can think of a worse fate than that..."

"You can't regret this tomorrow morning either..." his eyes then turned serious, "I don't think I could handle it if you did."

Her eyes softened at the trace of fear in his eyes at the thought. "I swear I won't regret it. You have my word..."

"Thank you..." he whispered softly before kissing her again, this time with ferocity that she had never felt before. She could feel his strong heartbeat against hers while his warm embrace enveloping her.

He then slowly moved them both to the direction of the stairs. His lips never left hers and his arms never left her body. It was as if nothing else mattered; only this moment mattered.

Each of her nerves sang with joy at his touch, at his caress. She could feel his possessiveness from his deep kisses, but at the same time, the way one of his hands cradled the back of her head with so much tenderness brought tears to her eyes once more.

This time, her heart knew for sure that she had made the right choice...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	15. Chapter 15

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 15**

_A/N: Thank you to all of you who are still reading and commenting on this story. I know that update hasn't been very frequent lately. Real world unfortunately has to take precedent._

_This is set the morning after... :):)_

* * *

Kate slowly opened her eyes from her slumber. She could feel something was causing her to wake.

_What is it?_

Feeling disorientated, she tried to lift her head from her pillow, but she found that she had no energy to do so. Her limbs felt boneless and something heavy was holding her to the bed.  
_  
__Where am I?_

She then focused her sight to the wall directly on her line of sight. The colour of the wallpaper reassured her that she was indeed in her own bedroom. But somehow, there was something different about it.

Slowly her other senses started to wake up. She could hear the sound of someone breathing next to her ear. She could also feel the warmth radiated from behind her. Her heart started to beat faster. Then she slowly turned her head around.

She slowly smiled.  
_  
__Dylan..._

As she stared at his sleeping face, the memory of last night came back with full force.

She couldn't help but blushed at the memory of his strength and his intensity as he caressed and touched her.

He worshipped her.

All night.

All morning.

She didn't even remember what time they both fell asleep. Sometime in the morning perhaps...

Suddenly, a sound broke her train of thoughts...

She sighed. Apparently, that was the sound that woke her up before.

She lifted her head slightly to find the offending mobile phone. But she couldn't find it anywhere. It didn't look like it was in her bedroom.

_Where is it then? It must be in the living room._

Another sound ruined the peacefulness of her morning. This time it was her home phone that was ringing.

The frequency of the calls could only mean one thing... Crash-sailed.

She then tried to get up from the bed, but Dylan's arms around her waist tightened; preventing her from going anywhere.

"Dylan..." She tried to pry his hands from her waist to no avail. "I need to answer the phone..."

His response was to pull her closer to his chest and bury his face deeper to her hair.

"Dylan..."

"It's too early, Kate..." he murmured quietly against her hair. Her lips couldn't help but curved up hearing his slightly petulant voice.

She finally gave up on her effort to get up; content in staying in his arms for a little bit longer. Whoever that was could leave her a message.

Realising that she was not trying to get up anymore, Dylan finally loosened his arms around her; allowing her to turn around and face him.

Their eyes met.

"Hey..."

Her hand reached up to caress his sleepy face. "Hey yourself..." she smiled softly at the feeling of contentment that she had. She expected their first morning to be awkward, but to the contrary, it felt so right that it scared her a little.

As if he was reading her mind, his hand caught hers and he kissed her knuckles gently before entwining their fingers together and held it against his chest; a gesture that calmed her. He then smiled back at her; a smile that was laced with pure satisfaction and happiness. "Good morning, Kate..."

"Good morning, Dylan..." She could only whisper as happiness overwhelmed her too. For the first time in her life, she felt a lot lighter. It was as if being with him freed her from all the things that had been holding her back for years.

She then leaned forward to kiss him. Feather light kisses this time. A change from very passionate kisses they had shared throughout the night. Their lips lazily caressed each other, cherishing this early morning peacefulness. His other arm then pulled her waist tighter against his, bringing their bare bodies flushed against each other. She moaned at the feel of his skin on hers. Their kisses soon became more urgent, consuming them, igniting the fire within them once again.

She then used her body to push him to lie on his back. He couldn't help the escaping grunt at the sudden movement. But the sound quickly swallowed by their kisses. His hand tangled on her hair once more; urging her to continue her assault on his lips. But soon she moved to his neck; sucking his pulse point repeatedly and inhaling his unique scent at the same time. He groaned her name in appreciation as she remembered that particular spot. She then trailed moist kisses from each of his clavicles to his well-defined chests and abdomen. She was about to go lower when her home phone rang again.

They both groaned at the interruption.

She rested her body resignedly on his chest. She knew that she had to get up and pick up the phone. But in all honesty, she just wanted to stay in his embrace for a long time. Obviously, NAVCOM had other plans.

"I'm sorry..." she lifted her head from his chest, apology written all over her face.

He shook his head softly. "It's not your fault, Kate..." He kissed her forehead in understanding, realising that their jobs had to come first once more. "I work for the Navy too, remember? Knowing our luck, it would probably be my phone that was going to ring next time..." he smirked at her while one of his hands ran through her hair and the other caressed her back softly.

She smirked back. "Still... Their timing sucks..."

He laughed at her choice of words. "Go on, Lieutenant, call them back..."

Giving him a quick smile, she then used his chest as a leverage to get up. Realising her state of undress, she quickly perused her bedroom for something that she could wear amongst the pieces of their clothing that were scattered around the room. She grabbed the first thing that was big enough to cover her body, his T-shirt. She quickly put it on over her head. Naturally, his T-shirt swamped her. It reached the middle of her thigh. Not decent enough to go outside, but she was only going downstairs to answer the phone, so she couldn't care less. She turned around intending to give him a quick kiss, only to find him looking at her with desire in his eyes.

"What?" She couldn't help but blushed at his scrutiny.

He smiled at her and pushed his body to a sitting position. He then extended his hand to her, urging her to come closer.

Her eyes softened at the gesture. She moved towards the bed once more, climbing to it and into his arms. She then rested her foreheads against his and she closed her eyes briefly, once again enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" he whispered softly as he pulled back the loose strands of her hair to the back of her ear.

"Not since we woke up," she smiled at his question.

"Well... you are beautiful... at least to me you are..." he kissed her nose softly, "and I'm such a lucky man to be with you like this..."

Her heart swelled at the way he looked at her; a mixture of adoration and wonder. "I think I'm the lucky one, Dylan..."

He smiled broadly at her quiet statement. "We are lucky to have crossed path in this life then."

Their lips were set to meet once again when the phone rang loudly.

They sighed. He then hugged her close, silently berating the timing of all these phone calls.

"Whoever that was, he or she is going to pay..." she murmured quietly against his neck.

He chuckled at her threat. "Hell hath no fury than an angry Lieutenant McGregor..."

"Be careful, Petty Officer Mulholland..." she glared at him playfully.

He only smirked as a response. He then tapped her nose softly. "I'm immune to that... Save those glares for 2Dads."

The phone rang again.

This time, she finally climbed out of his embrace and out of the bed. She reached for her bedroom door and opened it.

"Kate..." His voice halted her steps.

"Yeah?" she turned around and looked at him quizzically.

"Hurry back, please..."

She smiled at his request. "I will..."

* * *

"Dylan, you are spoiling me..." she looked at him in disbelief as she saw him cooking what she presumed was her breakfast in the kitchen.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "I'm not allowed to cook your breakfast anymore?"

"You know that's not what I mean..." She closed the distance and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek lightly. She then snuggled up to his side, while once again watching the batter to form tiny bubbles. "But I can grab something from the galley later. You've cooked last night too. You really shouldn't have..."

He kissed the top of her head softly. "Pouring an already made batter to a pan and waiting for it to turn golden brown probably doesn't qualify as cooking, Kate."

She looked up to meet his eyes. "Putting a takeaway container in the microwave and pressing the button would not be qualified as cooking, but this..." she gestured with her hands to the direction of the stove top, "something involving a pan, a stove and an uncooked batter definitely qualifies..."

He couldn't help but kissing her lips at her very typical comebacks. She rarely let anyone getting away with anything, even him.

"Did you just shut me up with a kiss, Dylan?" she narrowed her eyes at him.

"No... I just like kissing you, is that a crime?" His lips struggled not to form a grin at her indignation.

"You did, didn't you?" she slapped his chest lightly. "Just because you can make me scream your name last night, it doesn't mean that you can win an argument by kissing me from now on!"

His eyes darkened once again at the memory of last night. "I made you scream, huh?"

"Dylan..." She glared at him warningly. "Don't look at me like that..."

"Why not?" He moved his body slightly so that now they were standing face-to –face. His arms then circled her waist tighter against him.

"Because," she cupped his face tenderly, "I have to sail in 2 hours time. And believe me, between having breakfast at home and saying a long goodbye to you at the port, not to mention the taxi ride, forget being there 1.5 hours early as I used to, I'll be lucky if I can be at the ship 30 minutes before it sails. So, if you keep looking at me like that, we're not only going to burn the pancakes, but I would also be late for the first time in my career."

"I could be quick..." he waggled his eyebrows playfully.

"While I don't doubt that you can..." She reached up to kiss him lightly, "we have had all night... all morning... not to mention the shower just before..."

He sighed. "I know..." He pulled her to his chest tightly and kissed the top of her head softly. "I'm just not ready to let you go just yet."

Her heart softened at his confession. "Me too, big fella... Me too..." She placed a soft kiss on the hollow of his throat and rested her head there.

"We'll have more of this, you know..." she murmured quietly from his chest, "we have the next shore leave, the next one after that and more..."

He smiled at her words. But he didn't say anything, he just rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes, enjoying this quiet moment with her.

The sound of the doorbell ringing broke their moments.

He groaned in annoyance. "What now?"

"Shhh..." Her lips found his neck and peppered kisses there to calm him down a little bit. "It's probably the body corporate manager. I'll get it." She was slowly dislodging herself from his tight embrace.

"Maybe we should put a 'do not disturb' sign on the front door." He said half-jokingly.

She rolled her eyes at him. "My house is not a hotel room, Dylan..."

He chuckled softly. "You would never let me have the last words, would you?"

"Not really..." she grinned playfully at him.

The doorbell rang again, as if it was annoyed for being ignored for the last minute or two.

"Go..." He flicked his head to the door's direction. "The food will be ready when you come back."

"Thank you..." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before straightening her uniform on the way to her front door.

* * *

It was really hard to keep the spring out of her steps as she walked. She really needed to be careful to not be bouncy in the ship later. And also not to smile or grin too much, otherwise her crews would suspect that she was high on drugs or something...

_Well, not just something, but a 'big' thing..._

She couldn't help but grinned at the thought. _Honestly, Kate, get a grip!_

She shook her head softly to get rid of the grin plastered on her face as she opened her front door.

"Kate..."

It turned out that it was quite easy to get rid of the happy grin on your face when you came face-to-face with your ex, who was also your current boss at 9 am in the morning, she thought.

_What is he doing here? _"Sir?"

Mike smiled in relief seeing her answering the door. For a few minutes there, he thought that she wasn't home, which would mean that she was probably in Dutchy's place as per her plan last night when she left him. He thanked the Gods for the fact that she was here and in her uniform as well, ready to once again sail with him.

"Is there any change in the sailing schedule, Sir?" Kate asked him again, impatience by his silence.

"No... Nothing like that..." He looked at his watch before continuing. "We still have around an hour before we both have to be in the ship. So I thought that you might like to have breakfast with me. And probably to have another talk about what happened last night."

_Is he serious?_ "I don't think we have anything to talk about anymore, Sir..." She replied curtly.

He nodded, as if he was expecting her resistance in the matter. "I know that I probably didn't handle last night situation very well... And you're right, I should've called you. No excuse... And I..."

"What are you trying to say?" She cut him mid-sentence and crossed her arms in front of her.

He looked down on his feet before his blue eyes stared at her once again. "I guess you were also right about my priorities. I just thought that I could have it all. The ship, the girl, the sea, the picket fence... But everything backfired. And here we are..." He let his eyes roamed their surroundings before continuing. "Colleagues with shared past..."

Silence greeted his somewhat apology of the events of the past 10 years.

"Mike..." She started to speak but she found that she didn't know what to say. She never expected him to come to her place and started to talk candidly about their complicated past.

"Kate... Could we start over?" Tentativeness coloured his voice. "I promised I'll do it right this time..."

She shook her head softly, this time with no hesitation. "No." She stood up straighter as if to emphasise her answer. "No, Mike, we can't."

Stunned at her direct answer, he was silent for a minute before his mouth opened to say something.

Then a voice from inside the house made his blood ran cold.

_"Kate... We're running out of honey, are you OK with maple syrup today?"_

Suddenly her answer made sense. Suddenly he knew why she was in her own house this morning. The other man, for reason unknown to him, had followed her home instead of having her stayed in his place.

Their eyes then met. Blue clashed with green.

He couldn't find any regret or any embarrassment in her eyes. She just looked at him silently, as if daring him to say something.

"You slept with him..."

She didn't flinch at the venom that she could hear in his voice; instead she held her head up high. "That's none of your business..."

He huffed. "You realise that he got what he always wanted now, don't you? Do you really think that he will stick around tomorrow, let alone until the next shore leave?"

Her body started to shake with anger as he repeated his accusation from last night. "You better turn around and leave, Sir, before I'm liable to do something about your insult."

"Open your eyes, Kate! He's playing you!" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "What you feel right now is just a moment's infatuation, a by-product of a good romp on the sack. Not a real relationship..."

"Real relationship..." She snorted. "What do you know of a real relationship, huh?"

He looked at her in disbelief. "We had one, Kate..."

"Really?" She laughed bitterly at his answer. "Do you know what we had? Let's see... A few months of brief and intense passionate affair, then 5 years of nothing... After that, 5 years of stolen glances and what-ifs conversations in Hammersley. A lot of fights and make-up sex, secret outings and discreet dates at out of town places... Does that sound like a real relationship to you?"

"You made us sound so dirty, Kate." He looked at her sadly and he took a step closer towards her, a move that usually sent butterflies to her stomach, but this time, she only felt anger. Anger that once again, he had managed to ruin her day and destroyed the happy bubble that she was in before.

She took a deep breath before continuing, "To be honest, Mike, I think that our relationship had never graduated from the affair that we had in ADFA. We just had affairs after affairs for the last 10 years. I felt like I was your mistress with the Navy as your first wife. And let me tell you, the novelty of being in a secret relationship wore off very quickly. I want the real thing now... I want everything that a man could offer to me... Everything..."

"And you think that he could offer you that?" He asked incredulously.

"He was then and he is now..." Tears started to pool at her eyes at the thought of the man who is currently standing in her kitchen... "He's cooking me breakfast you know... And he's going to send me off at the port. I can hold his hand and kiss him in public, without being afraid that somebody is going to tell on us." Droplets of tears were slowly cascading down her cheeks. "I can go on the movie with him and if I bumped to someone I know, I could just introduce him as _my _Dylan; without any care in the world."

She snorted at the memory of her and Mike's outing to the cinema. "Remember that time when we wanted to watch movie and we bumped to Cmdr. Marshall? You had to say that we too just bumped to each other in the cinema, that it wasn't a planned outing. I honestly don't know how he could believe that..."

"Kate... we agreed a long time ago that all this things were necessary to protect us from scrutiny. Why are you criticising all of those now?"

"Because I'm sick of it!" She looked at him frustratingly at the fact that he couldn't seem to understand what she was saying. "I had enough of the fact that we couldn't just have dinner or drinks anywhere we like. If we wanted to have that, then we needed to go to some places in the outskirt of the city at the very least, where there would be no possibility of encountering familiar faces of our crews or Navcom staff... and that's just not good enough anymore..."

"Our relationship was so much more than having dinner and going to the cinema together, Kate, what we had was a long enduring love, and I think it's a lot more precious than any of those so-called romances," he argued back.

"Long-enduring love?" she stared at him as if he was crazy... "What we had was a very twisted view of love! Love is meant to be a union of two people that agrees to have their life entwine together completely. Love means that two people would do anything for each other, putting their partners wishes above his or hers. We couldn't transfer off Hammersley to be with each other, we also couldn't stop fighting long enough to do things together; how could you classify what we had as love?"

Silence descended on them once again.

He stared at her with sadness in his eyes. "He had brain-washed you..."

"Leave..." She hissed quietly. "Turn around and leave!"

The feel of strong arms circling her waist startled her.

"Kate?"

She looked up to meet Dylan's concerned eyes. A pair of eyes that soon darkened with quiet anger as he saw tears ran down her cheeks in steady stream. She gripped his arms on her waist tightly, drawing strength from him but also prevented him from marching to the other man and started punching him senseless.

"Is everything alright?" Dylan looked at his former boss menacingly, almost daring the other man to give him an excuse to manhandle him physically.

"He's about to leave, Dylan." She hoped for Mike's sake that it's true. Because she didn't know whether there would be bloodshed on her terrace if Mike didn't do it fast enough.

To Mike's credit, he didn't back down from Dylan's stare, but at the same time, he recognised a lost battle when he saw one and as a good commander, he knew when to retreat.

"I'll see you at the port, X..." And with those parting words, he turned around and got into his car.

* * *

For a while, they just stood there and watched as his car left the complex.

"Are you OK?" Dylan whispered his question softly to her ear, while his hands slowly turned her around to face him.

"Not really..." She managed to shake her head softly before standing on her toes and burying her face to the crook of his neck.

"Ssshhh... Kate..." He cradled her head with one hand while the other hugged her tightly against him.

He then slowly moved them inside while he closed her door with his foot. When her body started to shake and sagged against him, he hoisted her up effortlessly, urging her with soft whispers to hang on tighter to him while he moved them to the couch. He then sat down on the soft leather with her straddling his lap and her tears continued staining his shirt.

"How much of that conversation did you hear?" She mumbled quietly from his neck as her tears subsided.

"I heard enough..." He tightened his jaw at the memory of the other man's blind accusation. "Enough to know that he still doubts my intention towards you and that he still hopes for another chance..."

"Which he wouldn't get," she lifted her head from her neck to meet his eyes once more.

He smiled softly at her and brushed the corners of her eyes to dry the residue of her tears. "While I'm glad to hear that... I still hate the way he could make you cry like this."

She cupped his cheeks softly. "I'm not crying for Mike and I, Dylan... I'm crying because I'm angry at all the accusation that he threw at you and how he cheapened our relationship to a simple roll on the hay. Also, I'm angry at the fact that he still has this illusion about our past; an ill-conceived illusion that only he could make me happy and no one else. That's why he tried to discredit you so much."

"You know that you would never be just another notch on my bedpost, right?" he rested his forehead against hers, silently pleading her to believe him once more.

"I know..." she whispered softly.

"You could never be just a one night stand either... And you know why?" he kissed her lips lightly and smiled softly at her. "Because I love you, Kate..." He kissed her deeper to emphasise those three words. "I really do..."

"I know that too..." her lips quivered slightly as fresh batch of tears started to pool in her eyes once more.

"I know it's too soon..." He started to regret his impulsiveness as he saw her glassy eyes. "I know that you're not ready to hear it and that you're not ready to say it back just yet. But I don't think that I could let you sail today without letting you know that what I feel for you is not an infatuation. It's not just a sex-induced addiction either. Although God knows I would love to carry you upstairs now and make love to you over and over again..."

She chuckled in response to his words. "We haven't had our first date, you know. We're doing this backwards..."

"I thought all of those outings that we had over the last year qualified as dates," he raised his eyebrows playfully.

"For you, maybe..." she kissed his nose lightly. "But for me and my brain which was still in Mike-induced comma until technically last night, all of those were just fun outings with my best friend."

He smiled. "So... we need a date, huh?"

"Yes..." Her lips formed a watery smile at him. "And later, when we've had a very nice dinner and a very nice glass of wine, we'll go to the beach and we'll walk barefoot again, just like we did many months ago after that failed movie outing. You'll make your offer again... and this time... I promise that I'll have the right answer for you... How about that?"

"I think that's a very good idea..." he struggled to control his emotion when she suggested something that could only be in his wildest dream few months back, when he gave up on the idea of Kate and him. But now, if he was honest, he wanted to jump in the air and shout his happiness out loud at her quiet suggestion, instead, he settled himself with capturing her lips with his in long and deep kisses; kisses that frankly, weakened Kate's knees and made her nerves tingled.

They finally came up for air a short while later. She then rested her head on his shoulder once again while his arms tightened around her body.

"If I knew your reaction would be like that, I would've made that suggestion ages ago," teased her playfully.

He laughed.

He felt invincible. This kind of happiness should be illegal.

"Kate..."

"Hmm..." She lifted her head from his shoulder.

"You better eat now if you want to sail on time." he suggested softly. "I've put the pancakes in the oven to keep it warm before."

"I still think that you're spoiling me too much, Dylan..." She smiled tenderly at him. "But thank you..."

He grinned at her. "You're welcome, Kate." He then kissed her forehead softly. "Although, I much prefer the term 'taking care of the woman I love' rather than 'spoiling'.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I can take care of myself just fine, thank you..."

His grin got even broader at her annoyance. "I know you can. You've punched a bad guy even before I managed to get to him sometimes." He tapped her nose playfully. "But, I want to do that. I think taking care of you is a privilege; a privilege that no one else get. And I want to continue doing that for as long as you let me..."

She could feel her heart swelled at the sincerity in his voice. She then kissed him once more before replying. "As long I get to take care of you as well, big fella..."

"Deal..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	16. Chapter 16

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 16**

_A/N: Thank you for the readers who are still following this story. I appreciate it more than you know... :):)_

* * *

"They are staring at us, aren't they?"

Kate looked up from their entwined hands to find him smiled at her question.

"Yeah..." Dylan sneaked a look to the crews that were wondering around and about the dock few metres ahead of them. Even though they looked busy moving all the provisions to the ship, he could still see the smiles and also curious looks directed at them.

"So nosy..." She rolled her eyes slightly as she imagined all the commotion among the crews about the fact that their XO and their former buffer now held hands and stood so close to each other.

He chuckled softly, "Ashamed to be seen with me, Lieutenant?"

Her head looked up sharply at the question. Although his tone was light, she could see the hint of seriousness in his eyes. That made her heart ached. She wished that she could reciprocate his declaration of love earlier; to assure him that she didn't have any shred of regret, let alone embarrassment about them. But, as usual, her brain refused to make that leap of faith. Her brain still screamed at her to take it slow, to not rush things, to not surrender herself to him completely before she had a chance to think this through.  
_  
__Think about what exactly?_

"Kate?"

She met his eyes once more. This time, concern replaced the serious look he had before. She then closed their already small distance and raised her hand to cup his cheek softly. "No. I'm not ashamed of anything, Dylan."

"Yeah?" His lips slowly formed a broad smile as her answer started to sink in to his brain.

She smiled back at him but instead of replying, she kissed him lightly on the cheek before crouching down to reach for her sea bag. She then rummaged the inside of her bag, looking for a small item that could prove her previous words.

Dylan looked confusedly at her, but said nothing. He realised that he must look like a love-struck fool, standing there staring at the petite woman that had stole his heart. But he honestly didn't care. For a long time, he wished that one day he could experience the love that his parents had always had. And now that he had it, he wouldn't let any possible snide comments and teasing from anyone stole her away from him.

"Dylan..."

"Hmm?" In his reverie, he didn't realise that she had stood in front of him again. She then reached for his hand, put the small item on his palm and bended his fingers to the direction of his palm.

"Keep it..."

"Why?" He could feel the coldness of the metal on his hand. Half hoping and half praying that the item would mean what he thought it meant.

"It's safer with you." She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "So I'm a cheap safe deposit box?"

She sighed. She should have known that he wouldn't be satisfied with that kind of answer. He was nothing but a thorough man.

"Dylan," she clasped her hands around his closed fist, "I still remember how hurt you were because Mike knew where my spare key was many months ago. He knew because for so long he was the only man in my life; the only one whom I'm comfortable sharing my story and my heart with. But now, he doesn't have that privilege anymore... You do..."

Silence greeted her statement, but she could see that he was overwhelmed by it.

"I have no spare key, Kate... I can't give you anything in return at the moment..." His throat was thick with tears, realising just how big her gesture was compared to any word of assurance that she could give him.

"You did, remember?" she pulled out her dog tag's chain from the confines of her uniform. "You gave me the key to your heart..."

His breath hitched as he saw the heart-shaped wooden pendant and the silver key charm were attached to her chain along with her dog-tag. "You wear it..." His words of astonishment tumbled out as his eyes met hers once more.

"Well... when we're apart, this small pendant is you. So that I could still feel like having my own personal bodyguard with me..." she smiled cheekily at him.

He couldn't help but grin stupidly at her, while his hand cupped her cheek tenderly. "I love you, Kate."

"You're now going to say that all the time, aren't you?" She teased him playfully.

"Maybe..." he drawled slowly, wondering that maybe he shouldn't tip the scale too much, after all, they had only been together for technically a night. But, when she stood on her toes and touched her lips to his in broad view of everyone on the dock, his previous train of thought disappeared.

Shocked at her bold move, his body froze for a second. But her warm lips and the feel of her soft curves against his body quickly brought him out of his trance. His arms then circled her waist tightly, bringing her body even closer to his. He could hear the sound of their combined heartbeats; strong against each other. But soon, they had to come up for air. Their foreheads then touched, unwilling to break their new-found connection while they tried to fill up their lungs again.

As they started to come back to the world, their ears started to register the sound from their surroundings. Suddenly, they could hear the distinct catcalls and claps from the Hammersley's crew.

"Busted..." Dylan whispered softly to her ears.

Kate couldn't help but blushed slightly at the commotion.

Seeing the hint of a pink tinge on her cheeks, he slowly grinned unabashedly at her.

She tried to glare at him for smiling at her expense, but found that she just too happy to let few catcalls ruined her morning, so she just let it go and concentrated on the feelings of being in his arms.

"Kate, you have 40 minutes left," he reminded her gently, "you probably need to go now."

"I know..." she murmured quietly, but she didn't try to dislodge herself from his embrace.

He kissed her temple softly, understanding her reluctance, "the sooner you start this patrol, the sooner you'll finish it and the sooner we can have our first date..."

"Hmm... Any particular plan in mind?" asked her absent-mindedly.

He smiled. "It's a surprise..."

She smiled back seductively. "You mean no amount of persuasion could make you divulge this surprise?"

"Nope..." he replied amusedly.

"How about torture?" she narrowed her eyes at him...

"You mean just like you torture me this morning?" His eyes darkened slightly at the little game they were playing right now.

She slapped his chest indignantly. "I did no such thing..."

"You so did..." His eyes challenged her. "You made me beg, remember?"

She blushed. Again. This time, she buried her face to his chest to prevent him from seeing it.

But he knew. And this time, he let it go. Because that was what he always did for his girl. Let the small things go and fought for the big things in their relationship, even when they were only friends. Things like their happiness, their future and for the next shore leave, their official first date.

He swore he would make it perfect. Just like the woman in his arms.

Slowly, she separated herself from him and reached down to haul her bag onto her shoulder. "I'll see you in 2 weeks?" She entwined their fingers together once more. "If the schedule didn't change of course..."

"Of course..." He squeezed their hands tighter in response. "Fair winds, Lieutenant."

She kissed his lips lightly. "You too, Petty Officer. Try not to run into trouble too often, OK?"

"Really? Me, trouble?" His lips curved upwards. "I think I ran into more trouble when I was your buffer..."

"Hey..." She glared at him playfully. "Are you saying that I'm a trouble magnet?"

"No... It's just a fact that Hammersley ran into more trouble than Childers. Beside, Lieutenant Roberts is very, let's just say, by the book compared to you..."

She smiled, "I used to be like that." Her eyes then stared at the patrol boat that had been her life for the last 5 years. "Then I got transferred here."

"And the rest is history..." He smiled softly at her, "I really think that you have to go in now."

"Okay..." She kissed his lips one more time, before letting their entwined hands go and turned around to the direction of the ship.

"Kate..."

"Hmm?" Her head turned to him once more.

"E-mail? Text?" He asked lightly, trying not to sound too desperate.

She smiled at him. "Definitely, big fella..."

* * *

"Are you alright, X?"

"Huh?" She turned her head around to face her CO.

"You've been yawning almost every minute." His eyes looked at her curiously.

"I'm good, Sir, just lack of sleep." She gave him a tight-lipped smile in reply.

It was hard to believe that it was only this morning that they both stood on her doorstep, having an argument about their past. Now, they had to be a CO and XO again. And that was all they ever going to be from now on. Frankly, she was relieved by that.

"Is that because of the man on the port, Ma'am?" 2Dads joined the conversation with his usual lack of filter on his mouth.

She could hear Charge snickering behind the marine link as well. She was actually surprised that no one had made a comment to her until now. She was started to think that maybe her crews' gossiping capability had diminished somehow. How wrong she was...

"2Dads, would you like to clean the ship with a toothbrush?" She turned around and looked at him with her patented glare.

"No, Ma'am..."

"Then I suggest that you mind your own business and keep your eyes peel on the EOD..." she bit the inside of her mouth to prevent herself from smiling.

"Lack of sleep could be really dangerous, X. It could cause nausea, fatigue, lost of concentration..." RO started to offer his advice. "That's why the expert says that we should at least sleep for 8 hours a day..."

Charge booming voice interrupted RO's lecture. "Come on, Robert... We're the Navy. There's no way we could sleep 8 hours a day. Between drug smuggler, FFVs and all kinds of interruption during the night, we're lucky if we could sleep more than 4 hours a night."

"Oh, I'm not saying it's for everyone, Charge..." RO replied without looking up from his equipment. "That's why I always take vitamins every morning to compensate for the lack of sleep."

"Life is too short, RO. Personally, I think sleep is a waste of time. I'd rather do something else..." 2Dads decided that it was safe to join the conversation, now that the topic of the conversation had changed.

"Like what? Poker?" said RO sarcastically. "Why would you do something else when you're supposed to be sleeping anyway?"

Kate started to smile at their bickering session and couldn't help but replying to RO's question. "Because sometimes, you could find a whole new experience when you choose not to sleep."

"See, even the X agreed with me..." 2Dads smiled triumphantly.

"What kind of new experience you had last night, X?" asked Charge innocently.

Kate turned around and looked at him suspiciously for a few seconds. But, she decided to take the bait. "Let's just say, Charge, that new experience involved quite a lot of positions..."

The whole bridge was suddenly quiet. 2Dads and Charge were looking at her in shock.

Not waiting for their reactions, she then turned her head to the left to spoke to her CO. "Permission to get a brew, Sir?"

Mike just looked at her sadly. Like every single one of his crews, he saw the couple's embrace and kisses on the dock earlier. He didn't know what to think anymore. His brain forced him to acknowledge that she indeed had moved on from her past with him. But his heart still refused to accept that. He also couldn't accept the fact that someone else, not him, had made her so happy that she carelessly took Charge's bait for information on her personal life.

He should've been the man that made her that happy. He should've been the man that put that satisfied glow on her face. He should've been the man that she had implied on her statement earlier, but instead, it was Dutchy; a man that had a notorious reputation as a womaniser. Didn't she realise the risk that she took? Didn't she realise that she had put herself in a very vulnerable position? For someone like Kate McGregor, who had experienced abuse in the hands of the very people that should have protected her during childhood, her risk-taking behaviour was very uncharacteristic. Maybe this was temporary? Maybe she would soon realise that he was the safer choice compared to Dutchy?

"Sir?"

His head snapped to the direction of her voice. "Sorry, X, what was your question?"

Her eyebrows rose disapprovingly for a few seconds before she schooled her features once more and repeated her question. "Permission to get a brew, Sir?"

"Granted."

She released the breath that she didn't realise she had been holding. During his silence, she had thought that he would say no to her simple request. But he didn't. Maybe, he was indeed man enough to let her go.

"Thank you, Sir."

She was halfway across the bridge when she heard RO said enthusiastically. "So, you tried _Pilates_ last night, X?"

She almost burst out laughing at his assumption... The young man indeed had a different train of thought than most men.

"Yes, boys, _Pilates_ is very healthy... You should try it sometimes..." and with those parting words, she went down the stairs to get her brew.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	17. Chapter 17

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 17**

_A/N: I'm glad that you guys seem to like Dutchy & Kate's moments in this story. This chapter will be the start of six chapters story-arch. It would be quite angsty, so be prepared._

* * *

"Sir, I got visual on the EOD."

Mike jumped down from his chair and stood behind 2Dads to take a look at the EOD himself. "The Coast Watch intel is correct then." He then turned around to Kate's direction and spoke."Pipe boarding station, X..."

"Sir." Kate's voice then could be heard through the PA system, "hands to boarding station, hands to boarding station."

The boarding crews created a flurry of movement as they raced down to the locker room; passing the two officers.

"X, you have the ship..." Mike said as he was about to follow the crews.

"Actually, Sir, permission to lead the boarding party?" Kate stared at him determinedly.

He sighed. "Kate..."

"Sir, I've been on light duties for a week. I don't have any nausea anymore. I'm fine." She looked at him pleadingly. "I just need to do my job."

He was silent as he contemplated her request. It was true that her colour had improved for the last 2 days, after a week of a suspected stomach bug. "Have Swain checked you again today?"

"Yes, Sir. And he gave me a green light to resume full duties." Kate said quietly but confidently, willing him to believe her.

He looked at her suspiciously for a few seconds, but as he realised that Swain was already on his way to the locker room, leaving no one to corroborate her claim, and the fact that time was in the essence for catching the suspected drug-smugglers boat, he relented. "Very well, X."

Her lips almost broke out to a full-blown smile in victory, but she managed to hold herself in check at the last second, instead, she just nodded her head and said, "Thank you, Sir."

* * *

Kate could feel the crews' eyes on her as she stepped into the locker room and headed straight to her locker.

"X?" P.O Doug 'Red' Rawlinson looked at her confused, fully expecting the CO to be here instead of his XO.

"I'm leading this one, Red" she said as she fastened the various straps and vests onto her body.

"X? Are you sure you're up to this?" Swain spoke tentatively.

She looked at him innocently, "I sort of told the CO that you gave me the green light to resume full duties today."

"X..." Swain looked at her exasperatedly. Worry clouding his face as he remembered how sick the woman in front of him was for the past week.

"Swain, I'm fine..." She could see the worry in everybody's faces at her insistence, but she honestly went stir crazy from the boredom. Once she was well enough to stay sitting and not heaving into the toilet bowl, she had spent days completing overdue paperwork and checklists until she had none left. She needed to feel useful; otherwise she would probably spend the rest of the patrol in a very snarky mood and nobody in the ship deserved that.

"Seriously guys... Let's just catch this drug-smuggler, OK?" she fastened her browning into its holster. "And Swain, if I feel nauseated again after this boarding, I'll give you permission to say 'I told you so'..."

Swain shook his head at her stubbornness, but didn't say anything else. He let Red leading the crews to the RHIB while he hung back to wait for her to finish putting the headset on. He couldn't help but scanning her posture and her body language, trying to decipher any possibility that she still didn't feel well.

"You know, X, I could always e-mail Dutchy to tell him that you're being stubborn," he said lightly, but with a touch of seriousness.

Kate's head snapped to Swain's direction while she gaped at him, shocked at his veiled threat. "You would not do such thing!"

"Light duties means that you're supposed to be on the bridge, not here..." he stared at her quietly, not backing down. "I'm sure that he would agree with me."

She sighed. "Swain, you said yourself this morning that I seemed to be better. And Dylan doesn't need to know about my illness. Telling him would only make him worry. Worry would make him distracted. And as a buffer, he didn't need the distraction," she looked at him pointedly. "Why I even explained this to you? I'm going... and that's the end of the story, Swain."

She proceeded past him to start walking to the boat deck when his hand touched her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I crossed the line, Kate..." he spoke quietly. "But I sort of promise him to keep an eye on you ever since he transferred."

Her eyes softened at his apologetic gesture, but at the same time, she was slightly outraged that both men had apparently talked about her behind her back. "Chris... you've always watched my back. You haven't failed your promise yet."

"And I don't plan to..." He smiled softly at her.

"Good..." She smiled back at him. "Now, shall we go and get ourselves a bunch of drug-smugglers?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

It felt good to feel the sea breeze again after a week of being cooped up in the confines of her cabin. Her first two weeks in this patrol had been very busy as Hammersley was tasked to unravel the drug-smuggling operation around the Gulf of Carpentaria. But her third week had been a disaster. After a brief stop at Orlan Island for a day of R&R and refuelling, she had begun to feel ill with nausea. Her symptoms continued for almost a week, making Swain and Bird worried. To her mortification, in addition to normal checks and tests, Swain had also gave her a pregnancy test kit, to eliminate pregnancy as the possible cause of her illness. At first, she had refused to use the test kit as she refused to believe she could be pregnant. But as she remembered her night with Dylan and the fact that they had ran out of protection sometime during the night, she had doubted herself. She knew that she was on implant and the result most likely would be negative, but what if she was? After all, no contraception method had 100% protection level. So, with great reluctance, she had taken the test.

When the extra line didn't come up, meaning the test was a negative, she had felt relief but strangely, she had felt a tad of disappointment as well. This had confused her greatly. Did she want to be pregnant? Did she want to carry Dylan's baby? What would he think about the possibility? Would he be mad? Would he be ecstatic? All those questions were swirling in her brain like a tornado and this made her miss him even more. This was not a situation that could be discussed with e-mail or text. This would require curling up to his side on the sofa with him, preferably with a glass of wine as well. That was why she had kept the tone of her e-mail light and playful; careful not to raise his suspicion. The topic of those emails had been mostly about their soon-to-be first date and the fact that both of their patrols had gone considerably longer than scheduled. There were still 3 days of patrol to go for her and 5 days for him, leaving both of them wishing that the day would go so much faster so that they could have at least 4 days of shore leave together.

_"X,"_ her radio had suddenly come alive, _"we will keep our distance from them to reduce their visibility of us. Soon you'll be on your own, so you need to maintain radio contact at all time."_

"Yes, Sir," she replied curtly.

_"And take care, X. If the intel is correct, this will be the big catch of the day. So stay alert."_

"Very well, Sir. Thunder out."

She finally caught a glimpse of the boat directly on the path of the RHIB. On first glance it appeared to be a pleasure craft of some sort. But there was no way to tell what would be waiting for them right there, so she looked at all her crews and spoke, "you all heard what the boss said. Keep your eyes open for any possibility. Secondary's off everybody."

The chorus of 'Yes, Ma'am' reverberated along the RHIB, pumping their adrenaline even more.

Soon, they reached the boat deck of the suspected vessel. It was empty.

"Australian Navy, show yourself!"

After a few minutes of silence, a man with an Asian appearance showed up on the door confusedly. "Is there any problem?"

"Are you the Master of this vessel, Sir?" Kate asked the man who despite of his appearance, sounded very Australian.

"Yes. I hire this boat with few of my friends. What's going on?" he moved forward to the boat deck, still looking bewildered, but not afraid of the guns pointed at him.

"I'm Lieutenant McGregor from the Australian Navy," Kate said by way of introduction, "what is your business in the area, Sir?"

"Fishing. Is that a crime these days?" he raised his eyebrows questioningly.

She looked at the young man in front of her quietly; assessing the level of threat that the man possessed. He looked harmless, but once again, looks could be deceiving. "How many people you have in this boat, Sir?"

"Four, including myself."

She nodded. "RO, Swain, check the wheelhouse. Charge, 2Dads, check inside and round up everybody out to the deck."

As the crews dispersed to the designated area, Kate focused her attention to the man in front of him again. "Are you Australian national?"

"Yes. I was born in this country, Lieutenant." He said casually, no indignation could be detected from his tone.

She suspected that people probably asked that question so many times just because of his looks. "What is your name?"

"Adam Cheung."

"Adam, I'm sorry for the probing question. But there has been an increase in the foreign vessels fishing illegally around here. We're just doing our job."

"Of course."

"Found one person in the wheelhouse, Ma'am. We have turned off their engine." Swain and RO came back with another man in front of them.

At the same time, Charge and 2Dads escorted 2 men from inside the boat.

All of them had the same appearance as Adam.

"Are these all your friends?" She continued her line of question.

"Yes. We're on uni break. Decided that some fishing is in order." He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly.

"Very well. If you excuse me." She turned around and faced the ocean while she activated her radio.

"Charlie 8-2, this is X-Ray 82, come in."  
_  
__"X."_

"Sir, the vessel is a pleasure craft with four personnel on board. The master of the vessel claimed to be Australian national and they claimed to be fishing."  
_  
__"Do they have Asian appearance?"_

"Yes, Sir."  
_  
__"Hmm... What are the coincidences that every vessel that we have come across for the last 3 weeks has Asian POBs in it and they are all claimed to be fishing?"_

She had to smile slightly at his deduction. "It's most likely not, Sir."  
_  
__"Search the vessel from top to bottom, X and keep me posted."_

"Very well, Sir. X-Ray 8-2 out."

She then fished a warrant from one of her vest pocket and turned around to face Adam once more. "We have a warrant to search your vessel, Adam."

His eyes scanned the warrant on his hand. "Is this really necessary, Lieutenant?"

"This is just a routine check. Just to make sure there's nothing out of the ordinary here."

He shrugged and handed the warrant back to Kate. "Be my guest."

"Thank you." She gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Red, Swain, with me." She then gestured to the rest of her crews, "You three stay here."

"Ma'am." They all spoke quietly, acknowledging the order.

* * *

They had searched the vessel methodically room-by-room until they reached the wheelhouse. They had also checked the inside of every console, upturned the cushion and checked any boxes or anything that could be used as storage. So far they found no drugs or anything that could tie the four men to drug operation. But they also noticed that for a fishing expedition, there was no sign of fishing equipments, baits, or even fish anywhere on the boat.

This frustrated Kate.

She knew deep down that this boat was the one. The drugs must be here. _But where?_

"We're going to search again from the beginning. This time Red, you take the rooms on the starboard side and Swain will take the port side. I'm going to concentrate in this wheelhouse."

"There's nothing here, X. We've turned this boat upside-down already." Red voiced his opinion quietly. "Maybe this is another decoy..."

"Na..." She shook her head. "This is it. All the boats before this had young Asian men on board as well, but none of them had claimed to be Australian national. Those boats were the decoy. It's here guys... We just have to find it."

Without another words, both men dispersed to the designated direction, leaving Kate on her own in the wheelhouse.

"If I wanted to hide some drugs, where would I hide it?" she murmured quietly to herself, while her eyes searched for any visible anomaly.  
_  
__"Top to bottom, X..." _Mike's voice echoed inside her head.  
_  
__Top to bottom... Top to bottom... AHA..._

Her eyes noticed a very small hatch on top. Too small for normal storage, but for a few packets of drugs, it should be enough. Carefully, she pulled the hatch open and shone her flashlight into the small space above her.

Nothing.

It was empty.

With a small huff, she closed the hatch once again. Annoyed that her small discovery had amounted to nothing, she paced the small space momentarily. That was when she felt it. The floor was slightly uneven.

She carefully scanned the carpeted floor for visible opening, but found none. She then crouched down to touch the rough surface to find any gap among the seemingly seamless carpet.  
_  
__Come on... There must be something here..._

Then her fingers found the gap towards the middle of the carpet. Ironically, the position of the opening had mirrored the hatch above her head before. She peeled the carpet to reveal another hatch. This time, it looked like the door was big enough for a man to come through.

"Red, Swain... Wheelhouse..." Frankly, she couldn't quite contain her excitement as she called both men.

"X?" Swain reached her first. When he saw the hatch on the floor, he couldn't help but smile slightly. Her perseverance had once again prevailed. "What do you think we would find down there?"

She shrugged. "Why don't we find out? Help me out, both of you."

Red moved forward to lift the door with Swain's help. They then simultaneously shone their torches to the space below then.

This time, it was not empty.

The light revealed stack of small crates in the space not more tha sqms. There was also small stairs descended to the bottom floor.

Kate looked at the two men before her. "Shall we take a look?"

Both men nodded. As usual, Red was the first to go down, followed by Kate with Swain bringing up the rear.

The musty smell greeted them. Red moved to one of the crates and opened them carefully, revealing a sea of white packages inside.

"Looks like we hit the jackpot, X." He held one of the packages up for the others to see.

"And we almost missed it." She shook her head with a smile on her face. "Swain, could you get 2Dads to come down here to take footage of all of these."

"Aye, Ma'am." Swain then proceeded to climb up the stairs to the direction of the boat deck.

Kate moved in the small space to reach other crates and opened them as well. This time, she found packages of pills.

"How much do you think this worth, X?"

"I don't know, Red, hundreds of thousands?" Her eyes scanned her surroundings before resting on her buffer's eyes. "Once 2Dads has taken the footage, we lock the drugs inside and tow the boat to safety. We also need to question all the men, particularly that Adam fellow. He seems to be the leader around here."

Red nodded his agreement before his eyes roamed the small space once more, resuming his activity of opening the crates one by one.

Kate looked at her watch curiously. "2Dads takes his sweet time..."

Red snorted, "Sometimes, I'd rather do the task myself, rather than waiting for him to do it."

"Yeah..." she sighed, "we need to do something about that habit of his. Although he's a lot better now than when he first started in Hammersley."

"I honestly couldn't imagine that, X..."

A faint thud echoed to their ears.

"What was that?" Kate instinctively touched her browning but didn't pull it from its holster yet.

"Should we take a look?" Red's eyes asked permission to climb up first.

She nodded. She then followed him out, carefully scanning the surrounding as her head popped up from the opened hatch.

Then they heard it.

Shouting and yelling from the boat deck.

Both raised their weapons in unison, moving forward slowly so as not to alert the hostile party of their presence.

But they gave up on their effort on discretion as they realised what kind of situation they were in.

Somehow, three of the Asian men, including Adam, had managed to subdue 2Dads, RO and Charge with their own weapons.  
_  
__How could they be blindsided?_

On the other hand, Swain had managed to grab one of the men on a chokehold. And with her and Red's arrival, it somehow became a stalemate.

"Adam, you don't need to do this." Kate had managed to keep her voice steady, although the severity of the situation had scraped her nerves raw.

"Drop your weapon, Lieutenant. I have three of your crews here." Adam's calm voice countered her statement before.

"Why should I? There are currently three weapons pointed at you and vice versa. We are in equal position here."

"Equal, huh? Do you really believe that, Lieutenant?" A smug smile was slowly forming on Adam's face.

Before she could reply to that odd and alarming statement, she felt the coldness of metal on her neck.

She froze.

Somebody had pressed a gun barrel to the back of her neck.

A second later, a voice spoke.

"I'm really sorry, X..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	18. Chapter 18

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 18**

_A/N: Once again I'm sorry for the lack of updates to this story and the lack of reply to the reviewers of this story. Work has gotten in the way once more. Thank you to everyone who are still reading and commenting on this story. This chapter picks up where we left off last chapter._

* * *

Everything happened in slow motion for Swain.

The sense of relief that he had felt when Red and the X burst through the door to his aid slowly replaced by horror when he saw his comrade turned his gun to his XO.

For a few seconds, all he could do was staring at his reality that had quickly turned to a nightmare.

"Red, what are you doing?!" when he found his voice again, anger and confusion had rolled into one.

"Let him go, Swain," Red said referring to the man that Swain had on a chokehold, "you don't want the X to get hurt, do you?"

"You're part of this." Swain gritted his teeth as he struggled to come to terms with Red's betrayal.

"Swain... let him go," Red grasped Kate's browning and put it to his holster before he pulled her to him in a chokehold, pointing a gun to her neck all the time, "and put your gun down."

Swain resisted.

Part of him was still denying the situation in front of him. Part of him still refused to acknowledge that he had no way out. He was the last person standing against the hostiles. His crews and his friends were already taken hostage.

"Swain, it's OK, let him go..." Kate's voice reached his ears.

"Can't do that, X." He still resisted. He had to.

"Swain, that's an order."

His eyes met hers in an instant. Her eyes were pleading him to stop resisting; to go and saved himself and the rest of the crew.

How could she expect him not to fight?

How could she expect him to leave her here at the mercy of her captor?

How could she expect him to break his promise to his mate?

But she was right, he had no choice.

Slowly he let his captive go and didn't resist when the other man grabbed his gun.

"Stand there with the others, Swain!"

He moved to stood besides 2Dads. In the background he could hear the RHIB's engine was still on. He felt sorry for Jonesy, the driver must have felt helpless as he saw all the scenes unfolding in front of him without being able to do anything. Radio Hammersley for help was possible, but at the moment, with everyone was still at gun point, it seemed reckless.

"Yan, go and turn on the engine. We're going." Adam gave one of the men an order while his eyes still fixed on the four sailors in front of him. "Gentlemen, climb back to your boat!"

The four sailors looked at each other briefly, trying to decide whether to do as the man said or to try to free their XO.

"Don't even think about it, Gentlemen..." Adam said as if he could read their minds. "Get back to your boat now!"

RO was the first one to climb back to the RHIB, albeit reluctantly. The others soon followed, with Swain being the last one. He couldn't take his eyes off Kate. His brain worked at high speed trying to figure out a way to get her back.

"Adam, let her go... You got your drugs and your boat back. Not to mention our weapons as well. You don't need her." Swain pleaded gently and as calmly as possible.

The other man smiled sarcastically at Swain's effort. "On the contrary, mate, she's our insurance. If you want her to live, don't follow us!"

The boat then moved forward, slowly putting some distance between them.

The five sailors in the RHIB could only look helplessly as the figure of their XO got smaller and smaller as the boat picked up speed.

Swain had managed to catch Kate's eyes once more before she disappeared completely from his view. He could see that she was trying to be strong. She even nodded imperceptibly at him, trying to reassure him that he had made the right decision.

But the feeling of failure overwhelmed him. Consumed him.

And with heavy heart, he ordered Jonesy to turn around and head back to Hammersley.

* * *

"How exactly did the boarding go so horribly wrong like this?" Mike stared hard at the four sailors in front of him.

Silence greeted his question.

"Sailors, speak up!"

Charge flinched at the sharp tone of his CO's voice. If it was even possible, he could feel the guilt weighing on his chest even more.

"It was routine at first, Sir," Charge started, "we announced our presence, rounded everybody up to the back deck and then the X, Red and Swain searched the inside of the vessel while RO, 2Dads and I watched over the four P. ."

"Do they seem suspicious to you?"

"Not really, Sir."Charge paused. "They are all young Asian-looking men. The master of the vessel, named Adam, sounded like one of us and he claimed to be Australian, but the others didn't really speak at all, so we don't know where they come from."

"Do they have any weapons on them?"

"No, Sir."

Mike sighed. He had been in a state of disbelief ever since Swain radioed him the situation. And now, in the confines of the ship's office, he was no closer to figure out how this turn of event could even be possible.

"What happened then?"

"We asked them to sit on the deck floor while we initially keep our distance and stood close to the edge of the deck..." Charge continued his explanation.

"Initially?" Mike's ears perked up.

"Yes... But then one of them started to feel ill... He looked green. Minutes later, he started to vomit all over the deck, Sir."

"Then?" He started to get an inkling of what had happened after.

"I asked RO to help him to the side of the deck so that he could heave over the side instead of on the deck floor. But then..." Charge was hesitant.

"Then he vomited on my boots, Sir." Robert spoke for the first time in this briefing.

Mike took a glance to his Radio Officer's boots and true enough, he could see that it was smeared with foreign substance. "What did you do then, Robert?"

Robert blinked his eyes a few times. He knew that the next part of this story was ugly. It didn't matter how he explained it, he knew that his reaction to the vomit was partially the cause of them losing control in this boarding. He was just about to blurt it out when 2Dads beat him to it.

"He panicked and started to take off his gloves to use it to clean his boots..."

Mike's lips tightened at the revelation. "Is that true, Robert?"

Robert raised his eyes to meet his CO's furious eyes. "At that time, my mind was thinking about all the germs and illness that the vomit possibly contained..."

A snort cut RO's story short.

Mike glared long and hard at 2Dads for the snort, but before he could say anything, RO spoke again. "I'm sorry, Sir."

"Robert, I've known and accepted for a long time that you're different. But losing concentration on the job at hand because of your aversion to germs, that is not acceptable!"

It had been a long time since somebody in Robert's life had stared at him with disappointment in their eyes. His dad used to do that. He always said that he would prefer a normal son, not a weirdo like him. And now that his CO had the same thought, what would be his future in this ship?

Mike closed his eyes briefly to calm himself down. He needed to keep a cool head and losing his temper to his RO would not help the matter at hand.

"Robert, we will continue this discussion later, understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

"In the mean time, I need you to process the video of the boarding and blow up the face of the 4 men and sent it to AFP and ASIO for any intel on who we're dealing with. And then send the description of the vessel to Coast Watch for them to help us find it. Also, get on to Navcom, brief them the situation, ask them to send us Red's personal file and find out who's Navy's closest asset to us. We need all the help we can get." Mike stared hard at him. "Did you get all that?"

"Yes, Sir." Robert nodded to emphasise his answer.

"Very well. Get on it, RO. I need answers."

"Sir."

Mike watched as his RO moved swiftly to the door and closed it behind him. Now, his attention shifted back to the three sailors in front of him.

"What happened after that, 2Dads?" Mike moved in front of him menacingly. "Were you too busy laughing at Robert and forgot all about the four men supposedly in our custody?"

"Everything happened so fast, Sir..." 2Dads started his explanation.

"Were you or were you not distracted by laughing at Robert?" Mike cut off his explanation.

"Sir, we both laughed..." Charge interrupted.

Mike looked at the 2 sailors that were as thick as thieves. "Okay, you both laughed, you both distracted and next thing you knew you were held at gun point by your own weapon and lost control of the situation. Did that sum it up?"

"We're sorry, Sir." They both said in unison, leaving no doubt in his mind that was exactly what had happened.

"You both are experience sailors, especially you, Charge!" He stared at them angrily. "You both should know better! Now, the X is taken hostage, we lost the drugs, we lost our weapons... Partly because few of my sailors couldn't follow their XO's order to concentrate properly!"

A long silence greeted his outburst.

"Did you at least get a good look of what kind of vessel that was and their general headings, Charge?" He asked after a few minutes of silence. He knew that he couldn't dwell on the mistakes of this boarding. They needed to do something about the current situation.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good... Why don't you go to the bridge, find out how much fuel that vessel could carry... Assuming they had a full tank, calculate how far they could go in full speed before they ran out of fuel. Also, try to stipulate a general course based on their last known position and their general headings."

"Sir." Feeling that he could be useful again, Charge gladly got out of that room and went to the bridge.

"2Dads."

"Sir?" 2Dads met his CO's eyes once more.

"Go to the locker room. Prepare our spare weapons and ammo. We need those to be ready for the rescue mission later. After that, find Jonesy and get him to go up to the bridge to watch the radar."

"Yes, Sir." 2Dads wasted no time in leaving the room, afraid that one of these days, his CO's angry stare could literally burn him alive.

2Dads departure left Mike with Swain in this room.

Swain had stood there motionlessly. He hadn't spoken during this briefing so far. His mind had rehearsed the boarding over and over again, trying to find things that he could have done differently. So far he had come up empty and that frustrated him.

"Swain."

"Sir." Swain finally looked at his CO's eyes.

"How many drugs are we talking about here?"

"I saw at least ten crates, Sir."

Mike leaned to the table in the middle of the room. "What happened after the three of you found the drugs?"

Swain took a deep breath before he spoke. "The X asked me to go upstairs and get 2Dads to take a video evidence of the drugs. So I did. I was about to reach the boat deck when one of the men ambushed me. After struggling for a bit, I finally managed to subdue him. But that was when I saw that they got our crews at gun point, Sir. The X and Red must have heard the commotion. So, not long after that, they arrived at my aid. Then, it happened... Red just suddenly aimed his gun to the X."

Mike pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. This was the part that he didn't understand the most.

"Swain, you're his bunkmate. Do you have any idea or inclination that he's involved in all of this?"

Swain shook his head. "No, Sir. Red is a very quiet guy. He didn't really speak about his personal life. I know he has a fiancé in Sydney. I know that he used to be in HMAS Parramatta before he was posted here."

"Any indication of drug addiction or substance abuse?"

"Not that I know of, Sir..."

Mike sighed. Apparently he had a drug dealer's mole in his ship and nobody knew anything about him.

"Swain, go to your cabin and search Red's possession. That way, we might get an idea about who he's working for. Also, brief Bird about the situation. Have her prepare the wardroom just in case the X needs urgent medical attention once we found her. After that, I need you on the helm for this search."

"Aye, Sir."

Swain just about to twist the doorknob opened when he heard his name being called once more.

"Sir?"

"This wasn't your fault, Swain." Mike said, noting his medic's subdued look during this briefing.

Swain couldn't say anything in reply; he could only smile sadly at his CO before continuing his journey back to his cabin.

* * *

"We need to get rid of her."

Red's head snapped to Adam's direction as he heard that sentence. "What?"

"She knows too much, Doug!"Adam said while his hand gestured wildly to the closed cabin behind him.

"And whose fault was that, huh?" Red's eyes blazed at the mistake of this operation. "Can't you at least have one fishing rod on the deck or something like that? You're being too obvious!" He then moved forward to stand in front of the other man. "You're Leung's right-hand man; I thought you're smarter than that!"

Adam stepped even closer to Red. "You're the one who told us that this week was the safe time to move the goods, because that officer chick of yours, who apparently was a danger because she was supposed to be super-observant, was not going to be in this drug-busting operation. But here she was! Now, whose fault was that?"

"What do you want me to do? Pulled a gun to her head on my ship to prevent her from boarding your boat?" Red huffed, "I don't think so..." He paused before continuing, "besides, there were other sailors that saw your face as well, not to mention the helmet camera that recorded the whole boarding operation before. For all I know, all our faces would already be circled around to the AFP, ASIO and Interpol. So, getting rid of her is not going to help our cause at all!"

Adam crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at Red pointedly. "You forget what's at stake here, don't you?"

Red tightened his jaw at Adam's not-so-veiled threat. "I know what's at stake here. I'm not stupid!"

"Then, you realised that Leung wouldn't like a loose end like her... Or you and I would be in big trouble..."

Red looked at Adam quietly; disdain was written all over his face. He then closed his eyes briefly before finally said resignedly. "Fine. What's your plan?"

* * *

Kate stifled a frustrating groan as she tried to free her hands from the rope surrounding them. She honestly didn't know how long she had been trying. All her small knick-knacks on her uniforms had been taken together with her other boarding gear, leaving her empty-handed in trying to free herself.

She could also feel exhaustion started to set in to her recently recovering body, leaving her feeling a tiny bit of regret for insisting to lead this boarding in the first place. But at the same time, she was glad that she did, otherwise, they would never learn of Red's deception.

She had faith that Hammersley would come for her eventually, all she had to do now was to stay alive until they do.

Her thoughts were interrupted when suddenly the cabin door opened.

Her eyes then looked up to find the quiet eyes of her buffer staring at her.

Wordlessly, he moved inside the cabin and closed the door behind him before settling to sit on the bed directly opposite her.

For a full minute, no one moved. No one spoke either.

"Just one question, Red," she couldn't stand the silence any longer, "why?"

Red huffed, "Does it matter?"

"I still think you're a good guy, Doug..."

"Really?" he snorted. "I put a gun to your neck, X... I practically betrayed my shipmates... And you still think that I'm a good guy?"

"That's why I need to know your reason... I just need to understand..." She asked gently, still couldn't shake the feeling inside her that tell her there was more to this situation.

He looked at her long and hard, debating with himself whether he wanted to indulge her request or not.

"I was an addict once," he started. "Then I became a dealer to pay my debt."

"What changed?"

He smiled sarcastically. "Like a twisted hero in a cheap romance book, I fell in love with a girl. And in the name of love, I wanted to turn my life around."

"I assume whoever you worked for didn't really like that."

He shook his head sadly. "No... In this kind of business, you can't quit unless you're dead. So... they put my fiancé into the hospital to teach me a lesson."

"The car accident just before you came here..." Understanding dawn on her face. "Why didn't you just go to the police and ask them to put you both to witness protection?"

"X, I put her in the wheelchair because of that accident. I'm not going to cause her losing her family as well..."

"And you think now you can go back to her safely? After the stunt you pulled today, you're a wanted man, Doug!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" he shouted angrily at her.

He then stood up and paced in that tiny cabin, trying to focus himself to the task at hand, trying to complete his mission successfully so that Sarah could live her life somewhat safely.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn, X?" he whispered angrily at her. "This is the last drug shipment that has to cross through our water. If you just stay put on the bridge, none of this would happen. Everybody would be none the wiser..."

"Do you really think that if the CO had led the boarding, he wouldn't find the drugs like I did?" she asked him somewhat incredulously.

"He didn't in the last four boats that Hammersley had intercepted in the last week..." he looked at her pointedly.

She couldn't believe what she heard.

"I can't blame him though. He had other things on his mind."

"What are you talking about?"

He answered quietly. "He's jealous, X."

Kate schooled her features carefully. "I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"Oh, I think you do."

She didn't respond. They just looked at each other quietly. For the first time during this conversation, she felt a shred of fear now that the topic of their chat seemed to be dwindling down. She started to wonder why he was sent to her cabin in the first place.

"I can tell that Dutchy really adores you ..." he started again. "Tell me, X, did he say those sacred three words yet?"

She still didn't respond. But the fear inside her escalated slowly.

"He did, didn't he?" He posed the question as he moved closer to her position on the floor.

"That's none of your business..." She whispered harshly.

"My next question is," he ignored her harsh tone and pulled the safety of his browning off. "Did you say it back?"

She froze. Fear had completely taken over her entire being at this point. And this was before she heard his voice spoke again.

"Well, you should've."

A second later, he pulled the trigger...

* * *

_To be continued..._


	19. Chapter 19

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 19**

_A/N: I know you guys hate cliff-hanger, therefore without further ado, here is Chapter 19._

* * *

PPPRRAAAANNG!

The sound of a plate breaking on the floor echoed through the hallway in front of the galley.

"Gee, mate, a bit clumsy today?"

Dylan just gave Josh a dirty look as he asked Bungy to pass him a dust pan and a broom to clean up his mess. As he looked at the remnant of his lunch and the pieces of the broken plate scattered on the floor, he couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.

He inwardly shook himself. _Don't be ridiculous, Dylan... _

But then before he had the chance to do anything with the cleaning tools on his hand, the PA system came alive.  
_  
__"P.O. Mulholland to the bridge at the rush."_

He sighed. _Well, I'm not that hungry anyway..._

"Give that to me," Josh piped up from behind him, gesturing quietly to the broom.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Josh rolled his eyes at him, "Now go to the bridge before you make another mess..."

He smirked, "Thanks mate."

Josh smirked back, "Just don't get used to it, alright?!"

Dylan patted Josh's back before making his way to the bridge. He wondered what the boss wanted, as when he went for his lunch break, nothing was happening at all. In fact, it had been a very quiet day for a patrol boat.

"Sir, you're asking for me?" he said as he reached the Captain's chair.

The grim face of LCDR Stevens greeted his question.

Instantly, he knew his gut was right. Something was very wrong.

* * *

"Hey mate, what did the boss want?" Josh hollered from the inside of the senior mess as he saw Dylan passed by the opened door of the mess.

But Dylan kept going. His body was rigid. His ears were closed. He strode with purpose to the locker room, ignoring anything or anyone on his way.

"Mate?"

Alarmed by the stony look on his friend's face, Josh then got up from the chair and rushed into the galley to dump his plate on the sink before chasing the other man.

By the time Josh reached the locker room, Dylan had already opened his locker.

"Dutchy, what's going on?"

Silence greeted his question.

"Dylan?" His arm then moved between the man and the locker, forcing the other man to stop his movement.

"Get the hell out of my way!" Dylan hissed his words forcefully.

Josh stood his ground and pushed his way even further between his friend and the now abandoned locker.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on!"

For one long minute, both men stared at each other, unwilling to surrender to each other's wishes.

"Mate, come on... It's me." Josh reasoned. "You can trust me, you know that..."

Dylan closed his eyes as he remembered what his commanding officer had told him few moments ago.

"It's Kate..."

"Is she OK?" Josh asked quietly while he moved his body out of Dylan's way.

"She was taken hostage."

"What?" Josh's eyes widened. "How the hell did that happen?"

Dylan spat his next words with barely restrained anger. "Her buffer pulled a gun to her head. Apparently, he was part of the drug ring that we're chasing."

"That's sick..." Josh replied in disgust. To have your fellow comrade turned against you must have been one of the greatest betrayals that anyone could have ever experienced.

"Are you going to Hammersley?" Josh stated the obvious.

"I've been requested to join Hammersley for the rescue operation as obviously they're down two senior personnel." Dylan tried to sound detached, but his next words failed him miserably. "And I don't think I could sit here doing nothing while she..." Dylan ground his jaw tightly, not allowing himself to think about what could have been happening to Kate at the moment. He then turned his attention back to his locker and resumed his preparation.

"Does the boss know about you and her?"

Dylan turned his head sharply at Josh's question. "No."

Josh stared at him quietly. "Are you sure that's a wise thing to do, keeping him in the dark about this? You do realise, that if he knew, then he wouldn't let you go over there?" He continued.

"Which is why you and I need to keep our mouth shut!" Dylan couldn't help but raising his voice. "Why are you even bringing this up, Josh?"

"Because if, GOD forbid, things go wrong in this rescue operation, that fact could come back and bite you in the arse!"

Silence enveloped them once again.

Dylan studiously ignored the other man while he tightened the straps on his life vest.

"Look, mate, I'm not going to tell on you. It isn't my story to tell in the first place..." Josh took a deep breath before continuing, "But I'm just not convinced that this is your best move."

"Don't be." Dylan closed his locker door and faced the other man once again. "I won't fail. Things wouldn't go wrong."

"What if it did?"

The question hung in the air, waiting for a response from a man that had refused to even think about that possibility.

"Then, nothing would matter anymore..." Dylan paused as he could feel that his throat had tightened as the forbidden thought come to his mind. "She's..."

Josh watched as his friend struggled to keep his composure and finally nodded his understanding.

"Good luck, mate."

* * *

"You must be wondering why I've requested your presence in this operation..."

Mike opened the line of conversation after a few seconds of intense silence in his cabin.

Dylan stared at the other man quietly, willing his brain to choose his next words carefully.

"The thought crossed my mind, Sir," he finally replied.

"You do realise that in the ideal situation, you wouldn't be allowed to participate..."

"Sir, is there any point to this conversation?" Dylan finally lost his patience. The silence that followed his question was deafening and he could see the other man had tightened his jaw in annoyance. But honestly, he couldn't care less. Kate was out there, waiting for Hammersley to turn up. He was itching to just start doing something productive instead of engaging in talkfest about things that he knew already.

"I don't trust you, Dutchy," Mike stated quietly. "I still don't think that you're the right man for her."

"With all due respect, Sir..." Dylan started to argue before he was interrupted.

"I also doubt very much that you genuinely want more than a fling with her."

Dylan struggled to contain his anger in response to Mike's audacity. Both of his hands turned to a fist, his knuckles were white, an evidence of how hard he tried not to swing his fist to the face of his former CO.

"But..." Mike looked at his former buffer. "Despite my misgivings, I know that you at least care for her as much as the crews in this ship, if not more," he sighed. "Also, I know to be successful in this mission, I need the best people. You are one of the best. That's why you're here."

Dylan just stood there unmoving while listening to Mike's explanation. Realising that anger would not help him in this occasion, he slowly loosened his fist.

"Is there anything else, Sir?"

Mike shook his head and was about to open his mouth to emphasise the meaning of his head movement when the PA system came alive.  
_  
__"C.O. and P.O. Mulholland to the bridge at the rush!"_

* * *

_"Dutchy."_

"Sir."  
_  
__"Stay clear from their stern, we're going to disable their engine, over."_

"Right away, Sir," Dylan replied before he issued an order for the two RHIBs to get out of the way.

Tension was etched on every single one of their faces. It had been like this ever since they picked up not one, but two contacts on the radar. Upon closer inspection through the EOD, the crews from the original boarding had identified the smaller vessel as the vessel they had boarded earlier, while they suspected that the bigger vessel was the mothership of some sort. It was at this point that Mike immediately piped boarding station, unwilling to lose this window of opportunity.

But obviously, protocol had required Hammersley to announce their presence to the two vessels. Unsurprisingly, upon sighting of Hammersley, the transfer process of what presumably were drugs stopped straight away and the crews scrambled to disconnect the vessels and picked up their speed.

The boarding crews couldn't be more grateful at the news that Navcom had granted them permission to use direct disabling fire. Given the danger that these people possessed and not to mention the fate of their XO was on the line, the sight of smoke blowing from both engines lifted up their spirit a little bit.

"Sir, engines disabled, permission to proceed, over."  
_  
__"Granted. Proceed with caution, Dutchy."_

"Aye, Sir."

Dylan then switched the radio channel to address his comrade. "Alpha Team, move to the vessel ahead of us. Seize any drugs that you come across. And be on the lookout for the X, just in case they have moved her."  
_  
__"Sure thing."_

"And Charge..."  
_  
__"Yes..."_

"These people have a lot to lose. They are most likely heavily armed, so be careful."  
_  
__"Ditto, Dutchy."_

Dylan nodded to Jonesy who then sped up the Alpha Team's RHIB to the direction of the bigger vessel before turning his attention to his own team.

"OK, guys, you what your priorities are. Secure the X first, then the drugs and the smugglers," He paused before catching Swain's eyes. "Swain, be on high alert, just in case the X needs medical attention at the rush."

Swain nodded. He couldn't help but admire the other man for being calm and collected enough to lead the boarding while Kate was in danger. Dylan showed no outward sign on being affected, but internally, Swain knew that the other man was struggling. He hoped that the outcome of this operation would be good and to be honest, he refused to think otherwise.

"Halfy, get us there."

That command brought Dylan to an even higher alert than before. He stared ahead at the vessel few yards in front of him and saw the very first of the hostile crew.

"Armed hostile on the starboard side, Dutchy," The shout from Chopper confirmed his sight.

"Chopper, 2Dads, ready to return fire!" Dylan ordered immediately.

The two young men responded by raising their rifles. Their index fingers were hovering just millimetres from the trigger.

Then the man fired.

All hell broke loose.

As more hostiles came out of from inside the boat and fired at them, the RHIB crews which had been in the original boarding realised that the vessel carried more crews than before. They were probably the crews from the mothership that had come to help with the transfer process and got stuck there when the process was stopped. It was in this chaotic condition and in the middle of aiming his own browning that Dylan caught a flash of a man standing on the port side of the vessel wearing a camo uniform. His blood instantly boiled. All he wanted to do was to pummel his fist over and over again to the face of the bastard.

"Dutchy, there's too many of them, it's hard to reach the vessel!" Swain's voice instantly brought him out of his rage. He quickly assessed the situation and ordered Fitzy to fire a tear gas grenade. He knew that if Kate was there, she would be affected too, but the longer they stayed out here on the RHIB while under fire, the higher the degree of danger that he exposed his crews to. They needed to board the vessel quickly.

"Tear gas firing!" Fitzy repeated Dylan's order as he pulled the trigger on the launcher.

Instantly, the crews on the vessel were too busy covering their mouth and nose from the gas exposure to fire at them, leaving the team with a small window to power the RHIB and reach the vessel.

Swain boarded the vessel first. He didn't bother to announce himself, instead, he just pulled his browning to the nearest hostile crew, grabbed his gun and forced him to get on his knees.

One by one, the Hammersley's crews boarded and started securing other hostiles that still wiping their eyes or coughing the gas out of their system.

They counted five hostiles secured. But Swain informed Dylan that the leader, Adam, was not among this group.

Dylan looked up sharply at Swain's assessment. He then quietly ordered 2Dads and Fitzy to guard the five people and to stay alert. He had said this while he was sending a quick glare to 2Dads, warning him to do his job correctly this time around.

He waited until 2Dads visibly tightened his grip on this rifle and nodded seriously at him before he ordered Swain to take the port side and for Chopper to circle around the other side. He and Flick then went in to the inside of the vessel and started to clear out the cabins one by one.

"Dutchy..." Flick's voice was only a whisper, but the tone of her voice sent chills to his heart.

He then followed Flick's line of sight to the inside of one of the cabins and for the first time since he heard his CO explained the situation to him earlier that day, he felt his first shred of fear. To the left of the cabin, he could see blood spatter stained the wall. And as he went in to the cabin, he could see the remnants of used ropes lying on the floor. But before he had a chance to dwell on the sight in front of him, he heard a commotion.

He and Flick then quickly jogged to the source of the commotion and found Swain struggled against Red and Adam. At the same time, Chopper arrived from the starboard side and together, they put the barrel of their guns against the two men's head, effectively ending their fight.

"On your knees!" Dylan pushed his gun tighter against Adam's scalp, forcing the man to obey his order.

"Are you OK, Swain?" Dylan then asked as he saw Swain grabbed his browning from the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine... Sorry, they got the jump on me before." Swain answered; angry to himself more than anything else. But the sight of his former bunkmate sobered him up. He actually had the man that deserved his anger in front of him. "Red, where is the X?"

Red stayed quiet. He just stared briefly at Swain before averting his eyes.

"Where is she?" Dylan now moved the nozzle of his gun to the traitor's head as his previous anger returned with vengeance.

When Red still didn't answer, Dylan then yanked Red's head towards him and shoved his gun to Red's beating pulse on his neck. "Answer me!"

"She's dead."

Dylan turned his head to see Adam voiced his sentence coldly. "You're lying," Dylan replied forcefully.

"Believe what you want, but that officer chick of yours is dead."Adam smiled sarcastically.

"I don't see her body inside." Dylan willed himself to keep his voice from trembling.

"It's amazing how a dead weight can sink so quickly to the ocean."

Dylan snapped. He grabbed Adam by the collar and shoved him to the wall before he threw the first punch... and another... and another...

"Dutchy, that's enough!" Swain struggled to get Dylan away from the now bleeding man. "Dutchy, he's not worth it... Stop!"

Dylan still held the other man by the collar, but he did actually stop at Swain's command. And as his mind came back from the cloud it was in, he looked at the now broken nose of the man before him and strangely, he didn't feel any accomplishment. He just felt broken. As if a part of him had been torn apart and gutted by a knife.

"Mate, let go..."

And he did.

Dylan then moved backwards to distance himself away from them before sitting down against the side of the vessel on the starboard side. He then loosened the strap of his helmet and took it off before closing his eyes and putting his head between his knees, willing himself not to lose it here, willing himself not to break down in front of his crews and these two low-lives.  
_  
__"Dutchy, come in."_

"Charge." Dylan's hoarse voice replied.  
_  
__"We got four personnel on board, including a man named Leung, who seems to be the boss. We got all the drugs as well. Unfortunately, no sign of the X. We have searched everywhere."_

Dylan stayed quiet for a few seconds to digest the information in. Charge's report increased the possibility that Kate might already be in the bottom of the ocean floor, but he just had a nagging feeling that she was still alive somewhere. He guessed that unless he saw her lifeless body with his own eyes, he couldn't be 100% sure that she was indeed taken away from him even before they had their first date. _Oh God, why are you doing this? We were so happy... Why did you let me fall for her and then take her away from me?_  
_  
__"Dutchy?"_

Charge's voice broke his pity party. He had a job to do. He could imagine Kate scolding him for neglecting his duty, even momentarily.  
_  
__"Dutchy, do you copy?"_

"Yes, Charge, loud and clear," he racked his brain for the job at hand. "We need to transport the prisoners first. Could you swing by our vessel and pick up our prisoners as well? We have 7 people here that need transporting, do you think you have enough room?"  
_  
__"Not for all of them. I can take four of yours. Why? Are you going to stick around there?"_

"Yeah, just to double-check the cabins once more."  
_  
__"Radio, I'll swing by yours in 5 minutes."_

"Thanks, Charge."

* * *

"Mate..."

Dylan looked up from the console on the wheelhouse to find Swain stood beside him. "Do you really believe that she's dead?"

Swain stared at Dylan with sadness in his eyes. "Not really, No... But we searched everywhere. So if she's here, then we should've found her by now."

"Did Charge..."

"Yes..." Swain cut him off. "He has searched the other vessel twice more."

Dylan sighed. "We need to send divers down there then..."

"Yes. That's why we need to get back to Hammersley. To re-group and re-prepare ourselves with the equipment."

Silence greeted Swain's statement.

"She's alive, Swain. I can feel it..." Dylan said as he stared straight ahead, unwilling to meet the other man's eyes; afraid if he did, he would lose the little sanity he had.

Swain sighed. "Mate..."

"I can't help but thinking that there is something that we miss in this vessel..." Dylan paused before continuing, "If they indeed hurt her and intended to kill her for good, why do they need to cut the rope before they throw her overboard? Wouldn't it be more logical if they left her tied, therefore no chances for her to swim back to the top? Unless..." Dylan stopped himself from voicing his thought out loud.

"She's already lifeless when they threw her overboard..." Swain whispered the forbidden thought.

"Yeah..." Dylan barely managed to croak a response. "But is it possible that they moved her somewhere else instead?"

"Where? We've turned the cabins upside down..." Swain suddenly stopped. He then looked down to the carpet that they both stood on and cursed loudly.

Dylan turned his head around alarmingly. "What?"

"Dutchy, could you please move there?" Swain flicked his head to the direction of the non-carpeted area on the corner of the wheelhouse.

"Why?" Dylan looked at Swain confusedly, but did as the other man told and moved.

Swain then crouched down and looked for the opening on the carpet just like what Kate did in the previous boarding. When he found it, he tore the carpet out to expose the hatch underneath it.

Dylan's eyes widened as apparently he had been standing on a possible hiding place for the last 10 minutes. His breath quickened when he saw a smear of blood on the metal latch. He closed his distance and crouched on the ground too, opposite Swain who stared at him in dismay.

"I should have remembered this a lot earlier..." Swain said apologetically.

Dylan shook his head. "It's OK, mate, you remembered, that's all that matter. Let's just open this."

"On the third count?"

"Yes."

They stared at each other one more time. The uncertainty of what they were going to find overwhelmed them.

"One... two... three!"

Both yanked the latch up, exposing the man-size opening.

What they saw on the bottom of the stairs made their stomach dropped.

It was Kate.

She was laying face-down on the floor. One of her hands was outstretched towards the first step of the ladder as if she was trying to climb up the steps. She probably was. It looked like she was dragging her body across the tiny room in an effort to get out of the confined space; but obviously, she lost consciousness before she could do anything further.

"2Dads!" Swain shouted urgently to the younger sailor that still stood guard on the back deck.

"Yeah?" 2Dads stuck his head through the door to the back deck.

"Stretcher, now!"

The urgency on Swain's voice made him bolted to the RHIB and grabbed the stretcher in record time.

In the mean time, Dylan quickly climbed down the ladder to get to Kate. As he reached the second last step, he had to swing to the left side of her body to avoid stepping on her.

"Kate..." he whispered her name as he turned her body around gently and felt her neck for a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a weak pulse against his fingers.

"She's alive, Swain."

"Thank GOD..." Swain then assessed the situation critically. He needed to do an initial examination quickly, because heaven knew how long she had been down there and she probably suffered from a life threatening wound. "Can you lift her up halfway? 2Dads & I will do the rest."

"I think so." Dylan said quietly as he measured the size of the opening versus the way he would lift her. He couldn't really do the fireman carry because of the tight opening. Plus, he could see that her wound was located on her stomach. So that method was out of the question.

He shook his head in annoyance over his over-thinking. He needed to get her up there quickly. So, he then carefully lifted her upper body to a sitting position before his arms circled her waist and brought her to a standing position. Unsurprisingly, her body slumped to his chest. He then lifted her to his arms, her head rested on his shoulder, her feet dangled few inches from the ground. He used his right arms to secure her to position while he used his left arm to help him up the ladder in a sideway position. He managed to get her three-quarters of the way up before he felt his hold on her started to slip. Thankfully, Swain and 2Dads were ready. Together, they hauled her up to the carpeted floor. Once she was laying flat on her back and Swain started to check her wound, Dylan hauled himself up and closed the opened hatch before once again crouching on her side.

"How is she?"

Swain sighed. "Not that good. She needs proper medical attention straight away," he then grabbed more bandages from the first aid kit to stem the blood flow from the bullet wound on her stomach. "Once I finish dressing this wound, we need to move her to the wardroom ASAP."

Dylan nodded. It was at this point that Kate started to groan in response to the pressure that Swain put on her wound.

"Ssshh... Kate... It's OK..." he said soothingly. His right palm then cradled her head softly, while his other hand held her fingers tightly.

"Dylan..."

A lump formed in his throat as he heard her croaked his name. "Hey... how are you feeling?"

"Hurts..."

He felt helpless as he heard her answer. It was very rare for Kate to admit that she was hurting.

"Dylan..."

"Kate... save your energy..." he chastised her gently.

"I need to tell you something..." her eyes were still closed throughout this whispered conversation.

"Later. You need to get better first then we can have a long conversation. Preferably somewhere comfy. Not on the floor of a fishing vessel."

She didn't answer.

She couldn't.

Because at that moment, her body went slack and her hand slipped away from his grasp.

"Kate..."

He put his fingers on her neck once again.

No pulse.

"Swain, she's not breathing!" Dylan could felt panic rising.

"Shit..." Swain put his fingers to check for her pulse as Dylan just did a few seconds ago. "2Dads, keep pressure on that wound. Dutchy, you do the breathing, I'll do the compression."

"1, 2, 3, 4..." Swain started counting for the CPR. After the first round of compression and breathing, Swain felt the pulse again, still none. He started the compression again.

When their second effort produced the same result, Dylan could feel that his eyes stung. He then hovered above her head and started to plead softly to her ears. "Come on, Kate... come on..."

He breathed to her again for the third time.

Still no pulse.

"Kate, please, don't do this to me..." He whispered once more. "We still haven't done our first date yet. Come on, sweetheart, breathe..."

"Dutchy..." Swain touched Dylan's shoulder carefully. "Mate... let go..."

"No!" Dylan shook his head forcefully. "Swain, please don't stop..."

"Mate..."

"Just one more time..." Dylan pleaded. "Just one more time..."

Swain stared at his former bunkmate sadly. In a time like this, he really hated his job.

"OK... One more..."

Swain started the process once again. This time, he couldn't help but pleading for her life under his breath as well. Anger started to develop in his being; anger on behalf of his friends, who more than anything deserved happiness. He just couldn't understand why the road for them was so treacherous and so full of sharp rocks along the way.

Then the compression stopped and Dylan breathed to her for one last time.

This time, there was a pulse.

The three of them breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for another chance, grateful for the fact that the Man above was listening to them.

* * *

Swain moved quickly after that. Barking orders to both of them and together, they moved her body carefully to the stretcher, lifted the stretcher and carried it urgently to the RHIB.

The journey back to the ship was bumpy, partially because Halfy sped up the RHIB considerably and partially because of the semi-rough seas. Dylan just sat there holding her hands quietly; he didn't really bother to report back to Hammersley in relation to Kate. Swain took care of that for him.

"Swain..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you..."

Swain shook his head with a sad smile on his face. "Don't thank me yet, Mate. This is going to be a long night or even days for all of us."

"But still..." Dylan paused and looked at Kate's face tenderly before meeting the other man's eyes once more. "Thank you for not giving up."

Understanding passed between the two friends. "No worries, Mate." Swain patted Dylan's shoulder firmly. "No worries at all..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	20. Chapter 20

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 20**

_A/N: Kate is going to be fine, isn't she?_

* * *

"Family of Kate McGregor?"

Seven pairs of eyes looked up to find a middle-age woman in light green scrubs standing in front of the door that separated them from the surgery room behind it.

They all hesitated for a few seconds before a small voice from the corner spoke up. "We are her family..."

Instantly, six other pairs of eyes turned sharply to the direction of the only young woman sitting among them.

Bird's doe eyes widened uncomfortably at the attention she was getting. But she stood her ground and briefly looked at every single one of them before turning her attention towards Swain.

"Isn't that right?"

Swain smiled softly at her before patting her hand briefly and turning his attention to the surgeon one more time. "Yes, we are Kate McGregor's family," He confirmed with loud and clear voice.

The woman nodded before asking them another question. "Would any of you be Petty Officer Dylan Mulholland by any chance?"

Dylan's eyes instinctively rose up to meet the furious blue eyes of his former CO, who was sitting opposite him on that waiting room. He knew that the fact that he was Kate's current emergency contact would infuriate the other man, after all Mike Flynn had held that position for the last 2.5 years until just a month ago when Kate had asked for them to be each other's emergency contact. But as he stared at the other man for a few seconds, he had no desire to celebrate that small victory on his long battle against him. Instead, he simply turned his attention to the woman that could possibly turn his life into a misery in the next few minutes.

"Yes, that's me."

The woman smiled kindly at him; giving Dylan a small hope that she would in fact deliver good news. "Could I please talk to you in private, Petty Officer?"

"Sure."

He got up from his hard plastic chair and followed the woman along the corridor, passing the nurse station along the way. They didn't stop until they reached the end of the corridor, away from the prying eyes and earshot of his former crew mates.

"Is she OK?" he blurted out the first question on his mind.

"The surgery went well," the woman paused before extending her hand for introduction, "I'm Dr. Frances Stewart, by the way."

Dylan shook her hand firmly. "Please call me Dylan."

She nodded. "We managed to repair the damage caused by the bullet to the best of our ability. However, because of the cardiac arrests that she experienced before and during the surgery and the extensive blood loss, she slipped into a coma."

_Oh GOD... _"For how long?" His voice trembled slightly at the severity of the situation.

"We don't know. But in my opinion, the next 72 hours is critical. If she woke up during that timeframe, then she would definitely be on the road to recovery. However, if she didn't, then the odds might be against her."

Hearing that explanation, he suddenly felt the need to punch something, but he simply fisted both of his hands and closed his eyes to regain the small semblance of control that he had.

"One more thing, Dylan."

He opened his eyes to find Dr Stewart stared at him will a sad look on her eyes.

_Oh No... What could possibly be worse than this?_

"She was pregnant."

This time, the air was punched out of his lungs. It took a couple of seconds before her words really sunk in to his brain. "Was?" he managed to croaked out a response.

She nodded as an answer. "I take it that you were the father?"

He could feel that his legs threatened to collapse under him; it was with great difficulty that he reached the nearest chair and sat down ungracefully.

"Yes, I was..." he finally answered.

"I'm sorry..." She paused before continuing. "Her body had went through so much trauma that the tiny foetus couldn't possibly survive in this very early stage of pregnancy. If it's any consolation, it's most likely that she wouldn't have known yet. So, depending on what you're going to decide in terms of informing her about this, she might not have to mourn the loss that she didn't know yet."

He didn't reply. He just sat there with his hands holding his head while trying to make sense of the whole thing.

"Dylan?"

He slowly looked up to meet her eyes once more. "Can I see her now?"

"Not yet. She was still in the recovery room at the moment. Once she has been moved to intensive care, then you can see her briefly. Your friends can see her too, one person at a time though. Unfortunately, after all of you have seen her tonight, there should be no more visitors until the next morning visiting hour."

"Can I stay with her tonight?"

She sighed. "Dylan, I'm..."

"Dr. Stewart," he struggled to remain compose, to remain reasonable while his instinct was to demand the doctor to let him see his girl and stay with her. "I just need to be with her... That's all..."

She looked at the broken man in front of her and couldn't help but felt a pang on her chest. She finally relented. "Fine. But you have to be careful not to be in the nurses' way while they are monitoring her. Also, you need to wear scrubs the whole time you're in there. And I'm going to warn you that between nurses' interruptions and critical situations involving other patients that might happen throughout the night, it's most likely that you wouldn't get any sleep while you're in there."

He shook his head. "That wouldn't matter. I don't think I could sleep anyway."

"Very well. The nurse will inform you when you're allowed to see her," she smiled to him one last time before turning around and left him sitting there.

"Doc," he paused and waited until she turned around once more. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Dylan got out of the change room with his uniform safely tucked inside a plastic bag and tried to find the nurse that had kindly ushered him to a change room before. It took a trip to the nurse station down the hall to find the young woman in question. As she saw him coming to see her, she made a gesture with her hand for him to wait for 5 seconds as she was finishing up a phone call.

He nodded quietly and closed his eyes for a few seconds before shaking his head briefly to get rid of the cobwebs in his head. As he was standing there, he could feel that the single layer of the scrubs didn't offer any protection against the freezing temperature in this hospital. He suspected that the I.C.U will be even colder.

He also realised that he hadn't eaten anything since that disastrous attempt in eating lunch earlier on the day. His stomach rumbled in protest at the lack of food, but at the same time, the thought of eating at the moment nauseated him.

When he opened his eyes again, he stumbled upon the sight of the empty waiting room where the Hammersley's crews had sat with him just two hours ago. He had let the other guys visited her first, rebuking Swain's insistence for him to see her before the others. He'd rather be the last person to go in there as he didn't think that he would be able to leave her again after that.

"Are you ready?" her voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Yes."

"Follow me." She then turned around and headed to the direction of the elevator. Once it was arrived, they went in and she pressed the button to go to the third level.

He appreciated the silence that followed as they rode the elevator and the walk through the end of the corridor where he could see a white door separating them and the I.C.U.

She then opened the door using her swipe access card as obviously the visiting hours were over 30 minutes ago. It turned out that there was another door few metres behind the first one. But instead of opening the second door straight away, she ushered him to the door on the right.

"You can put your stuff, including your boots and socks, in one of the spare locker on the corner. The key should still be attached on the key hole. Once you're happy that it's secure, take the key with you. It has a lanyard attached to it, so you can put it around your neck if you want." She then opened one of the cupboards and rummaged inside to find a pair of protective shoes that would fit him.

"This is the biggest one I could find here," she said while handing the shoes to him, "let me know if they don't fit and I'll find some in storage."

He tried it on and thankfully, it fit perfectly. "All done." He said as he tucked the lanyard inside his scrubs.

"Good. One more thing though."

The nurse then pointed the wash basin to him.

"You need to wash your hands and your arms up to your elbow."

She then proceeded to show him how to wash properly and explain the general hygiene procedure in the intensive care, including the need to use hand sanitiser.

The water felt warm against Dylan's skin as he was scrubbing his arms diligently to disinfect himself as much as possible. Once he had done that, he then grabbed few paper towels from the dispenser and wiped all the droplets of water visible on his arms and hands before dispensing a dollop of sanitiser onto his hands and rubbing it thoroughly.

Once the nurse was satisfied with his hygiene, she then flicked her head as a sign for him to follow her once again.

When the second door opened, the strong smell of disinfectant instantly hit his nostrils. If he was nervous before, now he was terrified.

Terrified of what he was going to find beyond this door. Terrified of the fact that all he could think about was that the smell gave him a sense of dread. It was the same smell that he remembered from various occasions in his life. None of them were pretty. His grandma, who succumbed to cancer, his grandfather, who followed the love of his life merely three months later, his cousin, who lost both legs because of the farming incident, even his dad was once admitted to intensive care when he had a suspected case of heart attack.

That was why he secretly was grateful that he was spared from the hospital experience when Matty died. But that selfish thought only last until he saw the despair in Susan's eyes as he told her the event leading up to her fiancé's death. As she buried her head to his chest and sobbed gut-wrenchingly, he wished that Matty didn't die on that vessel, that he could somehow hang on a little longer. If they could just bring Matty to the hospital, they could give him the best possible chance to fight for his life. He would gladly brave the nasty smell everyday if it meant that he had hope.

Hope...

This time, he had hope. What was he terrified for? He should be grateful that he had the chance to experience this smell, because it meant that Kate was alive, that she was still fighting.

A touch on his arm stopped his wandering thoughts.

"We're here."

For the first time since he stepped inside the second doorway, he focused and looked at his surroundings.

There were six individual rooms in total. None of them had a door. Instead, it was replaced by blue curtains.

"She's in there." Referring to the room behind the curtain in front of him. "It's good that she has her own room, so you'll have some privacy."

She then opened the curtain for a fraction and gestured for him to slip inside.

The first thing that came across his mind when he saw Kate was that she looked so small.

So pale...

Another thing that he noticed straight away was the beeping sound. Various beeping sounds.

The nurse was still there. Checking the I.V drip and various other tubes attached to Kate. She then moved to the end of the bed and grabbed the chart before making notes on it.

"She actually looks worse than her actual condition..." the nurse's soothing voice reached his ear.

"You think?" he replied quietly.

"Her vital signs are improving; meaning that her body is slowly healing. In her case, her coma is simply her body's way to start the healing process without interruption."

When he didn't reply, the nurse tapped his arm lightly to gain his attention once more. "I'm leaving you alone in here. If you need me, I'll be in the nurse room inside the door in the middle. Please always remember your hygiene procedure while you are here, we can't risk any contamination to any of our patients. "

He nodded in reply and gave his thanks to the young nurse before moving towards the chair that stood against the wall. He carefully lifted the chair closer to her bed before sitting gingerly on it, hoping that he wouldn't make a sound that could earn him a scolding from the nurse, or GOD forbid, expulsion from this room.

For a while he was fascinated by the inhale and exhale movement of her chest. Those movements together with the beeping sounds he could hear in the background were his biggest proof that she was alive. His desperate pleas to her ear in that boat earlier on the day felt like a million years away now.

He then reached for her left hand. His finger traced hers softly before entwined them and brought them up to his lips. Kissing her palm lightly, he then cradled her hands to his cheek and closed his eyes at the feel of her soft skin.

_Hi, Kate..._

He couldn't bring himself to greet her out loud, afraid of the silence, afraid of what surely be a blow to his system when she simply couldn't reply.

_Coward..._

He gritted his teeth at the thought. He supposed to be stronger than this. His girl needed him to be strong. She needed him not to fall apart.

But he was just so tired.

The boarding, the rescue, the CPR and not to mention the 4-hour-wait during the surgery had scraped his nerves raw to the point of almost breaking. And now, in the quiet space of this room, he finally could let go.

His body started to shake, his eyes started to sting and his breath started to hitch.

A second later, he started to sob...

* * *

Five days...

It has been five days since he left her in the hospital to sail with Childers once again.

It has been five days since he kissed her forehead and whispered on her ear to try to wake up for him.

It has also been four days since the 72-hour mark had passed. Swain had informed him yesterday that her vital signs were steady and the prognosis from her doctor stayed fairly positive at this point. They just had to wait and see.

After the first night, he had gone back to his ship to get his sea bag. He then went home to catch some sleep before coming back to the hospital for the night shift. It was during this time that he got a call from Josh, informing him of the fact that Childers had been crashed sailed for the next morning. As Hammersley obviously couldn't sail before their XO and their buffer replaced, Navcom had requested Childers and Kingston to chase the remaining drug smugglers from the same drug ring that was still crossing Australian waters. Glenelg couldn't take over the task as they were deployed to help with the flood recovery in Nadi, Fiji's capital.

Leaving her on that hospital was simply one of the hardest things that he had ever done. He loved his job, but during this kind of situation, he couldn't help but detested it. This was why he had seen his crewmates' relationship fall apart over the years. This was also part of the reason why he felt it was easier to lead a bachelor's life until recently. Until Kate...

He sighed.

He knew that his concentration during this patrol was poor. But it wasn't until his CO called his name repeatedly that he realised that he had been lost on his thought longer than he expected.

"Sir?"

"Did you actually pay attention to what I said?" LCDR Stevens gave a disapproving look to his buffer.

"I'm sorry, Sir." Dylan simply didn't have any excuse to give. He honestly didn't know what the CO had asked him to do.

"Is there anything on the EOD, Dutchy?" his CO repeated his order.

Dylan focused his attention back to the monitor in front of him. After zooming in on the open water for a few seconds, he came up empty. "Nothing, Sir."

His CO nodded before giving order to half of his crews on the bridge to take their lunch while they still could.

However, just after he stood up from his seat, their RO took of his headset and turned to the CO. "Sir, I got an urgent call for Dutchy from Petty Officer Blake."

The CO looked at Dylan curiously. "Expecting any call, Dutchy?"

He knew what the call would be about. He had asked Swain to give him a call if there was _any_ development on Kate at all. His heart started to beat faster. He could also feel all the crews eyes were on him, making him slightly nauseous.

"I am, Sir." He paused for a second before continuing, "permission to take the call in Comcen, Sir?"

"Granted."

* * *

The phone handset felt heavier than ever before. He could also felt the sweat on his palm as he gripped the handset so tightly that he was afraid his hand would leave a permanent imprint on the plastic material.

"Mate, are you going to answer the call or what?" the amused voice of the assistant radio officer reached his ears.

His eyes snapped to the young man's direction before turning around and faced the door instead, hoping for a little bit of privacy in this not so private room.

"Swain..." he said in greeting to the speaker. Somehow, he managed to keep his voice steady enough.

_"Mate, she's awake..."_

* * *

_To be continued..._


	21. Chapter 21

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 21**

_A/N: We are going to follow Kate as she's recuperating in the hospital. Thank you to all of you that are still reading and commenting._

* * *

The sound of high heels echoed through the long corridor. The woman who wore them nodded to the nurses on their station before heading to the private room at the end of the corridor. Few metres from reaching the room, she could already hear the sound of two people arguing inside. Rolling her eyes slightly, she then knocked twice before opening the door.

Instantly, she was met by the relief eyes of Kate McGregor, who probably thought she would be the saviour of the day.

"Sal, thank God..."

But Sally cut her off before Kate could launch her tirade about the inadequateness of hospital food. "Kate, we've talked about this..."

"But..." Kate tried again.

"Hu-uh..." Sally shook her head to indicate that there was no room for argument in this situation.

Then the unexpected happened. Kate McGregor, who in the eyes of her husband and his crew mates was some kind of wonder woman, pouted at her and said sulkily, "fine..."

She was tempted to laugh at Kate's expression but managed to hold it just in time to see the other woman trying to blink tears out of her eyes. Instantly, she felt a pang on her chest.

"Mrs Blake, could you please make sure that she eats this?"

"Of course," she replied to the nurse that was about to leave the room.

Once the door was closed once again, she then dragged the chair closer to the bed, sat down and put her handbag on the floor before reaching for Kate's hand and held tight.

Kate squeezed her hand back in gratitude, but didn't speak. She just kept looking at the window, avoiding Sally's gaze until she felt that her control was back.

"I'm sorry..." Kate finally said.

Sally shook her head and smiled softly at the woman that she had come to know a lot better for the last week. "No need... I'm used to dealing with a sulky child..." she teased her playfully.

Kate huffed, "Are you comparing me to Chloe now?"

"Well... if you decided to pout like that, then yeah... You kind of deserve that comparison." Sally then regarded her somewhat seriously, "Does Dylan always cave when you do that?"

Kate started to laugh at that question when she felt the pain on her stomach. "Ow..." She let go of Sal's hands and covered her stomach instead. "Please don't make me laugh..." she managed to utter between her gritted teeth.

Sally grimaced at the little reminder of why Kate was in the hospital room in the first place. "Do you want the nurse to add bigger dose of pain medication to your drips?"

"No..." Kate shook her head slowly. "No... I want to be lucid when Dylan is here later on."

"Kate, he's not going to dock for another 2 hours... I'm sure you could use a little nap before he's coming... You don't want to be tired when he's finally here..." Sally used her best persuasive voice to try and sell her idea to one of the most stubborn woman she had ever met.

"If I eat this horrible porridge, would you please stop pestering me about the morphine?" Kate bargained stubbornly.

Sally sighed. "Okay. But please promise me that you would ask for it if the pain becomes less than bearable."

Kate nodded. "I promise."

Sal then pushed the tray closer to Kate and pressed the button to lift up the bed slowly.

Kate quietly thanked Sally before gripping her spoon and started to eat her porridge. But she couldn't help making a face as her taste bud got the first taste of the creamy substance on her mouth.

Sally chuckled as she saw Kate's expression. "Come on, Kate, you can do it... Only one more day of porridge until you are graduating to mashed potatoes..."

"Yay..." Kate exclaimed unenthusiastically. "Hospital food makes me appreciate even more all those pancakes and French toast that Dylan cooked for me for the last few months..."

Sally smiled at the longing that she could hear in Kate's voice. "He likes to spoil you..."

Kate didn't even bother to hide her smile at the thought of him. "Yeah... sometimes too much though..."

"Ah... the joy of a new couple..." Sally grinned knowingly.

"Isn't Chris doing that still?" Swain's name rolled out of her tongue somewhat awkwardly after years of mostly calling the man by his position on the ship.

Sally chuckled. "Kate, we're married."

"So?" Kate looked at her pointedly. "That doesn't mean that he couldn't do that for you."

"Well... true..." Sally conceded, "but when you are married with children, there's household to be run, tantrum to deal with, bills to be paid and not to mention we both have jobs to do..."

"You don't exactly sell the idea of marriage very well, you know..." teased Kate, a little bit surprised at the mini tirade from one-half of a marriage entity that had been everybody's role model for a while.

"I mean, don't get me wrong," she paused and gathered her thoughts for another few seconds, "we both love each other very much. But my point is... when you are married, your priorities change. Spoiling your spouse is probably the fifth priority on the list, not the first one. So," Sally slowly grinned at Kate once more, "when Dylan comes back and starts spoiling you rotten once more, do all the married women a favour and don't protest, OK?!"

"How much did Dylan pay you for that last bit of the speech, huh?" Kate replied jokingly.

This time, it was Sally's turn to laugh out loud. Kate could only smile at the other woman, avoiding the temptation to laugh with her for obvious reason.

"Does anybody in the ship know that wonder woman apparently has such a great sense of humour?" Sally asked curiously when she had managed to somehow control her laughter.

"Well..." Kate grimaced, remembering the time when she had indulged Charge's insinuation with a comeback on her own. "I think they started to have few ideas..."

* * *

The rest of the lunch time visit was filled with conversation about Swain and Sally's plan to have a family holiday in the next few days. They thought that while Hammersley had been grounded because of the recent incident, they might as well take the opportunity to have a long overdue holiday. But Sally also shared that both Swain and her still had residual apprehension about going on holiday while Kate was still in the hospital. They knew that Dylan was coming home soon, but what if he was crashed-sailed once again, they just simply wanted to be there as back-up just in case things happened.

Hearing her concern, Kate had quickly pointed out that the rest of Hammersley's crew could be a back-up. Even former crews like Bomber and Buffer had visited her during this hospital stay and most likely willing to stay with her if Dylan indeed had to sail. Kate also pointed out that Swain and Sally had been the parental figures of the group for so long that it was time for them to start thinking of themselves and have some quality time together as a family and as a couple.

In the end, Sally had promised Kate that she and her family would definitely drive their car up to Port Douglas and would just relax and try to forget the Navy and its problems. When she satisfied that Kate had indeed finished her meal, Sally lifted the tray and left it on the table by the door for the nurse to take them later. After saying a quick goodbye and a promise to come back tomorrow, Sally then took her leave and went down to the cafeteria to have a quick bite before going back to her office.

Left alone once more, Kate gratefully closed her eyes and fully intended to take a nap for the next hour or so. Her body was still in a mending stage and any long conversation or long period of being awake were tiring her. It was during her nap preparation that she heard a knock on the door.

She sighed. She had hoped that the nurse would come by when she was already fallen asleep.

_No such luck, Kate... _

However, instead of the nurse, a familiar set of blue eyes stared at her from the opened door.

* * *

"Sir?"

"Hi, Kate." Mike greeted her softly. He hadn't seen her since he visited her on that first night in the I.C.U. She was still pale, but the sight of her green eyes staring at him was a welcome sight.

Kate gestured for him to come in. His white uniform made her wonder whether he was here for personal or business reason.

He crossed the threshold and pushed the door to a half-close before approaching the bed and sat on the chair that Sally had vacated.

He then asked her how she felt.

With a shrug of her shoulder, she replied and once again complained about the hospital food. That actually earned a smile from him, who obviously shared the same sentiment.

"You must be the only Hammersley's personnel that still at work today," Kate said referring to his uniform.

He huffed, "Yeah... Knocker said that while Hammersley is grounded, I have to help her at Navcom."

She chuckled. "Training for your shore posting?"

"Well..." He sighed. "I think it's inevitable that after my posting in Hammersley finishes that there would be a desk with my name waiting in Navcom."

"How long do you have left?"

His eyes stared at her quietly. "You know how long..."

She shook her head. "No, contrary to what you believe, I don't sit in my cabin and mark my calendar to keep track on how many months you have left in Hammersley. Frankly, I have better things to do."

"Of course," he smiled sarcastically, "you're too busy spending time with that guy."

_Here we go..._ She wondered how long it would take for him to bring up Dylan into their conversation. It turned out, not long at all.

She then reached for the remote control of her bed and pushed the button to lift the bed a little bit more. She could sense a strained conversation, if not an argument, was coming and she needed to be able to feel that she was in control of the situation. Not able to see him on eye-to eye level was a disadvantage, so even though her newly-healed stomach muscle protesting a little bit at the strain she put it in, she went ahead and did it anyway.

"The man you called 'that guy' is my boyfriend... and before that, he was my best friend, and still is. I'm not going to apologise for moving on, Mike..." she said vehemently.

Silence greeted her statement.

His eyes refused to meet hers and were fixed on the table by the window. The sight of various flowers greeted him. The small table was not completely full and there were more spaces available, and yet he also noticed that there was another flower arrangement on her bedside table.

12 red roses. The arrangement wasn't new. He could see that the petals looked a little bit worn already. It probably had been there for a few days. And yet, she still kept it close to her, along with a teddy bear wearing sailor uniform that sat next to the flowers.

He sighed inwardly. He now realised that those items must have been Dutchy's gift to her. The other man probably had ordered it online during his internet time in Childers' ship office and had it delivered or he might even ask one of the crew, possibly Swain or Bird to give it to her.

He then realised that he didn't even think of bringing anything with him; whereas Dutchy had actually bothered to think about it even when he was away at sea. Was he just out of practice with this sort of thing or Kate was right about his tendency to prioritise everything else before her? If he was being serious about getting her back, shouldn't he have gone all out? Bringing her flowers, visiting her every day, showing her that he cared... Shouldn't he have taken advantage of the fact that Dutchy wasn't here? And yet, he hadn't. Why? Why couldn't he get his act together and fight? Was he relying on Dutchy's past tendency to 'enjoy them & leave them'? Was he waiting for the other man to bail out on Kate and pick up the pieces after that?

What if Dutchy never left? What if by some miracle, he really was serious about Kate?

What if he had truly missed his chance this time?

Those questions swirled around his brain, causing him to feel a pounding in his head.

"Mike?"

Kate's voice echoed through his brain and forced him to find her eyes again. He could see the mix of irritation and worry in her eyes, which meant that he must have been silent for a lot longer than he thought.

"I didn't know that you liked teddy bears..." He cringed inwardly as he said the first thing on his mind.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kate stared incredulously at the man that had been a fixture in her life one way or the other for the last 10 years.

"Nothing... I just never pictured you as the soft-toy type. That's all..." he said, carefully choosing his words so he didn't provoke her wrath. "That was from him, wasn't it?"

His heart involuntarily squeezed tighter as her eyes visibly softened at the mention of the other man. She then reached for the bear in question and caressed its ears before embracing it close to her.

"12 roses for each day that he's away from me in this patrol and a bear to watch over me as his substitute." She then smiled softly. "Sometimes, he's too overprotective for his own good. But that's just the way he is..."

He smiled sadly as he was listening to the tone of her voice. It was full of longing; no doubt for the man that she had described with such fondness despite the tiny criticism about his over-protectiveness. "I'm slowly losing the battle, aren't I?"

"There is no battle..." she paused and clutched the bear tighter to give her strength. "Not anymore... Not since you've made that choice to stay in Hammersley for another year."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before replying. "What if I resigned from Hammersley now? Would the battle line be opened again?

"Mike, this is not about one of us getting off the boat anymore... nor this is about chasing a happiness that's probably not ours in the first place ..." she looked at him sadly. "This is about being together with a person that I need the most. It's about being with someone that I could trust not to betray me. It's about being with a person that loves me above all else..." She could feel tears slowly developing at the back of her eyes as she remembered that first morning with Dylan and the simple and honest confession that he gave her. "That person is him, Mike... and it has been him for quite a while now... I was just too blind and too scared to realise that fact before..."

The passion behind her words stunned him. He could only ever recall her talking with that much passion about her career. And yet, here she was, defending the other man with such devotion that he couldn't help but wish that kind of devotion was for him.

Had she ever felt that way about him during the last 10 years? He knew that she had loved him in the past. He knew that she had wanted him then. But was that devotion?

"Let me go, Mike..."

That simple plea broke him.

"How?"

Tears welled at both of their eyes as he voiced that question.

"I don't know..." She shook her head softly. "But I did. And it's time for you to do the same..."

He couldn't bear to look at her eyes after that, so he focused his eyes to the window once more.

"Did you ever wonder what would happen to us if we had never had the first break-up?" his voice was barely a whisper.

"It's a moot question, isn't it?" she refused to look back at that period of her life.

"Maybe it is... but don't you ever wonder about that?"His lips curved up a little bit as his thought ran away with the possibility. "Would we be married by now? Would we have kids? Or would we just be us and chase our career... but together rather than apart?"

"Mike, don't..."

The finality in her voice made him flinch, but he kept going. "Could he give you that? Marriage, children, a stable and happy life? Aren't you just a little bit afraid of his colourful history?"

"You need to stop this, Mike... You don't know him well enough to judge him... You don't have any rights to do that anyway..." Kate was slightly outraged at his audacity. But she expected it from him, as he hadn't made a secret of his disapproval the last time they had an argument about this.

"I'm just worried about you..."

"Don't." She shook her head vehemently. "I'm an adult, Mike... And I've made my choice."

"Kate..."

She was about to yell at him in frustration when she heard a voice from the slightly opened doorway.

"I think you need to leave the lady alone..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	22. Chapter 22

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 22**

_A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting everyone... I'm in the process of moving at the moment and time hasn't been my best friend. Thank you for all of you that are still reading and commenting in this story. This chapter will be all about Dylan & Kate's reunion..._

* * *

Kate automatically turned to the direction of the voice. But she didn't need to see his face to know who that was. The warmth in her heart and the way her eyes started to water told her who the voice belonged to.

But he didn't meet her eyes while he made his way into the room; instead, his furious eyes were being directed to the man sitting next to her bed. He looked as if he was ready to haul Mike personally out of the door and probably out of their life too.

"The lady hasn't asked me to leave..." Mike stood up from his chair and replied to him defiantly.

Dylan stepped even closer so that he stood on the opposite side of the bed where Mike was on. He knew that they must look ridiculous, standing on their feet facing each other fighting for the woman that was currently on the bed between them. But he also knew that they needed to settle this once and for all. He was not going to stay away from Kate. He didn't think he could possibly do that anyway. So, the other man really needed to accept that fact and move on. All these arguments and questions about his character and his intention towards Kate started to make him lose his temper. Plus, he thought all those insinuations were pointless. He could understand that Mike was jealous, but he still didn't have any right to judge him.

"Can't you see that she's tired?" Dylan finally replied to Mike statement. "She just woke up from her coma a week ago. She is pale. She has dark rings under her eyes. Not to mention the fact that she is almost sitting upright on her bed. With her injured stomach muscles, don't you think her current position would be a discomfort to her?"

Mike looked alarmingly at her, seemingly just realised what Dylan had observed about her physical condition.

"And yet, here you are, oblivious to all those things and upsetting her once more; forced her to relieve those memories of you breaking her heart all those years ago. If you care for her, why can't you just let her be happy?" Dylan was not on the mood of being patient. He had been waiting for 12 days for the first moment he would see Kate after the coma. But once again, that supposedly private moment was ruined by this man. Why couldn't Mike Flynn leave them alone?

"How dare you questioning whether I care for her or not?"

"And how dare you questioning my feelings for her?" Dylan cut him off harshly.

"Enough!" Kate's stern voice came between them, forcing both men to take a step back and calm themselves down.

"Mike, you need to leave."

"Kate..."

"NO, Mike. You said before that I haven't asked you to leave. Now I have. So please, leave!" Kate could feel her blood pressure hiking up, causing her world to turn slightly. Plus, she started to feel the persistent pain on her abdominal muscles. The fact that she could still feel it despite the morphine that they had pumped into her suggested to her that she needed to lie down properly again.

Seeing that Kate was serious about her request, Mike had no choice but to go. He gave both of them a final look before turning his heels to the direction of the door. He was about to cross the threshold when he heard her voice again. "And please close the door behind you."

He closed his eyes at that request. It finally dawn on him that she had really moved on. She wanted him not to only close the door to this room, but to actually close the door to their past as well. Apparently, he had no place in her future, because he had been replaced by the man currently standing inside her room. With a sigh and with the sound of his heart breaking in two, he pulled the door close behind him.

* * *

As Kate saw the door truly shut, she reached for the remote beside her bed and pressed the button to lower the bed. The bed jolted a little bit as it started lowering itself, causing her to close her eyes and grit her teeth in pain. She knew how this must have looked like from Dylan's eyes and frankly, she was surprised that he didn't caution her or approach her at this very moment.

As she could feel that the pain slowly ebbed away from her body, leaving her with just a dull ache on her stomach, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes once more. Her eyes instantly met his and her heart constricted as she saw the pain in his eyes. She could also see the way his right hand gripped the flowers so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.

"Hey..." she berated herself for her inability to think of a better greeting.

"Hey..." he replied simply, but offered no more words.

For a minute or two, they just stared at each other silently, cataloguing each other's presence, absorbing the fact that they were here, together.

"Why are you standing so far away?" Kate finally asked when she saw that he hadn't moved from the foot of her bed. "Do I look that horrible to you?"

"What?! No!" Dylan shook his head to emphasise his words, but still didn't move.

"Then why?" Kate could feel her tears slowly rolling down her cheek. She scolded herself for being weak, but she just couldn't help herself, she needed him.

"I'm waiting." He whispered softly.

"For what? For my permission to come closer? You don't need any and you know that."

Silence enveloping them for a few seconds before she could hear his strained voice. "I'm waiting for the urge to hug you to pass..."

_Oh, Dylan..._

"I want to hug you so tight, so that you wouldn't be able to be taken away from me," he paused, "but I know that if I did that, then I would hurt you... And I don't want to cause you any pain... so, that's why I'm here, waiting..."

"Dylan, please..." She lifted her left hand, her palm facing upwards, urging him to come closer. "I need you..."

How was he supposed to refuse her plea? How was he supposed to deny himself of his need for her? He didn't think he could do that. So, he let go of his own self-control and stepped closer to her; closer and closer until he could entwine his fingers with hers.

There were no words that could describe how he felt right now. Throughout his last patrol, he could only get update emails from Swain and Sally about her condition, so being able to see her, converse with her and touch her felt absolutely overwhelming.

He felt a tug on their entwined fingers and found her eyes were pleading with him, presumably asking him to move even closer. His eyes then search the room for the chair and found that it was actually on the other side of her bed. Her eyes followed his and as if she could read his mind, she tightened her hold on his hands before he could even think of letting her go and grabbed the chair. "Forget the chair. Will you please just sit on the bed?"

"Kate..."

"You won't hurt me... I know you won't..."

He hesitated for a few seconds before slowly sitting down at the edge of the bed. As he fully sat down, the bed dipped because of his weight and her body slid down to his direction. She couldn't help but grimaced in pain as her side collided with his hip, causing him to look at her in alarm.

"I'm okay... Don't move..." Her fingers held his even tighter, half assuring him that she's fine and half-preventing him to bolt out of bed.

He kept his silence until her grip on his hand loosened a little bit and her body visibly relaxed. "Are you okay now?"

"I am..." She smiled at him reassuringly. "Your bear had taken most of the pain away..." She said half-jokingly about the bear she didn't realise she still clutched on her right arm.

He smiled at the sight of the bear and he was glad that he had had half the mind to buy it when he had been ordering the roses.

Speaking of roses, "I got this for you." He lifted the flowers and brought it closer to her.

"Thank you." She then touched the soft petals and lifted her head slightly to smell the roses.

"You probably need to get another vase from the nurse for these," she commented.

He put the flowers on the other bedside table for the moment, freeing his right hand to cup her cheek and caress it softly. "I'll ask them later about the vase, but what I really want to know is how are you feeling Kate? Honestly?"

She leaned her head to the feeling of his touch and closed her eyes briefly before looking at him tiredly. "I just want to go home, sleep in my own bed and eat normal food again."

"What did Dr Stewart say about that?"

Kate sighed at the mention of the doctor's name. "She said this morning that I need to be here for at least another week or at least until I could sit or stand upright without pain."

"Which is reasonable..." he interjected.

She frowned. "But I want to go home while you are here and not at sea. The longer we wait, the bigger the chances of you being crash-sailed again..."

"Actually, if I was indeed being crash-sailed, I would rather you be here rather than at home by yourself."

Her frown grew deeper. "Dylan, I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself."

"I know..." he sighed inwardly. "But, you are still not well. At your place, you have to go up & down the stairs to get to the kitchen. You'll be exhausted. Plus, if I'm not there, who's going to help you out? I honestly don't want to impose on Swain & Sally. They've done so much for the last 2 weeks..."

"You are blackmailing me..." she pouted at him.

He chuckled. "Please don't do that..."

"What?"

"Pout..."

"Why?"

"Because... it makes me want to do this..." He closed their distance and quickly kissed her pouting lips.

She made a sound that sounded like a whine when his lips moved away from hers. He guessed if she was not in a hospital bed, she would smack him silly for being a tease. But instead, she looked away from him and bit her bottom lip while her eyes glistened from unshed tears.

"Kate..." He silently berated himself for being stupid. "Hey... I'm sorry..."

Her right hand went up to brush the droplet of tears that had fallen to her cheek. "It's not your fault." She paused and gave him a watery smile, "it must be the meds that make me so emotional and cranky..."

"But still, I'm sorry..." His lips then moved to claim her lips once more. This time, he didn't let go; not until they both needed to breathe.

Their foreheads touched and they stayed that way for a very long time, just breathing together and stared at each others' eyes, conveying all the things that words couldn't.

"I heard you, you know," she whispered softly.

"When?" he replied just as softly.

"When I was asleep." She caressed his cheek as realisation dawn on his eyes. "I wanted so badly to wake up for you, but I just couldn't..."

He closed his eyes briefly as he remembered the rescue and the days that followed. He remembered being so scared of losing her. He remembered the hopelessness of the situation as he was waiting for her to wake up.

"Please _try_ not to do that to me ever again..." he pleaded gently, knowing that with their line of work, 'try' was the best promise that they could give to each other.

She searched his lips once more and gave him a lingering kiss. "I promise I'll try..."

"Good..." he nuzzled her nose playfully, until she smiled and pulled the back of his head to hers and started kissing him once more. Those kisses quickly become heated and in that heat of the moment, he forgot to lean back from her and accidentally put his upper body weight on her.

As her moan of pain reached his ears, he quickly realised his mistake and went back to a sitting position instead of hovering above her. He then gently covered her hands that were currently resting on top of her stomach with his own hands and stayed still.

He stared at their hands quietly, observing the way their hands slowly entwined again. It was during this observation that he remembered something.

Something painful.

He had pondered constantly about this matter. Should he tell her? Should he cause her more pain for something that she might not be aware of in the first place? If he were her, would he want to know? If she was in his position right now, would she tell him?

All those questions must have been written on his face because she stared at him quizzically. "What is it, Dylan?"

He smiled sadly at her, wondering whether he should do this. _She deserves the truth, Dylan! Lying to her is not the best start of a relationship._

"Do you remember that night before you were crashed sailed?" he started.

"Of course..." Her lips curved up at the memory. "I don't think I could forget that night and the morning after..."

He closed his eyes as his brain got a full frontal assault of the memory of that morning, of the way they just couldn't let go of each other; couldn't get enough of each other. She was just simply insatiable to him. His recklessness and possessiveness were probably the cause of what soon to be a painful realisation for her.

"Kate," he paused, unsure how to proceed but realised that he needed to do this for both of them, "we made a baby that night..."

A long silence greeted his statement.

"What did you say?" she finally managed to croak a response, disbelief and something else that could only be described as denial clouded her eyes.

"We were pregnant..." he whispered sadly, "and obviously because of the gunshot wound, we lost it... it was just very tiny and simply couldn't hold on to us."

"No..."

He was alarmed at the vehemency of her voice. "Kate... it's OK..."

"No..." tears started to run freely on her cheeks and her body started to shake.

"Kate...sssshhhh..." He let go of her hands and gently lifted her body slightly so he could slip his arms around her upper back and hugged her to his chest. Her arms then slipped around his back before finding purchase on his shoulder blade. He could feel her nails imprinted the fabric of his shirt while her head was buried to his chest.

His heart broke for her and for their lost of such a tiny life. They never planned this. They never thought that they would experience losing a child together before they even had their official first date. But it happened and they just had to go through this and came out stronger at the other end.

"It was a negative, Dylan..." she whispered in between her tears.

"Hmm?" he loosened his hold on her slightly and tilted her chin so he could see her eyes. "What was that, sweetheart?"

Kate's breath hitched at the pet name, realising that it wasn't the first time she had heard him called her that. She remembered vaguely lying on her back on that fishing vessel and heard him pleading for her to breathe for him. She wished now more than ever that she didn't insist on leading that boarding in the first place; that for once, she could control her stubbornness and just let others took over her duty while she recuperated. If she wasn't so stubborn, none of this would happen...

"The test was a negative..." she repeated.

"What test?" his brow scrunched in confusion.

She looked away from him as if she was ashamed to look at his eyes. But he was having none of that, so he cradled her head on the palm of his hand, encouraging her to look at him.

"I was so sick for the whole week before that boarding. I kept throwing up. At first, I thought it was just stomach flu. But Swain insisted for me to take a pregnancy test, just in case. So I did..." She paused and looked down before meeting his eyes again. This time, fresh batch of tears were visibly running down her cheeks. "I swear the result was a negative, Dylan... I swear..." She tightened her grips on his shirt, willing him to believe her. "I swear..."

"Kate..." He kissed her forehead softly and cradled her to his chest once more. "I believe you... This is not your fault..."

Then, her whole body was racked with sobs and it was hard for her to breathe. All she could do was hanging on to him for dear life. He was simply her anchor, her rock and the shining light at the end of the dark tunnel that she had previously visited. She had managed to fight tooth and nail to find her way back to him and at this very moment, she just didn't want to let go.

"If the result was not a negative, I would never have been in that boarding. I would never purposely try to kill our child..." she said once she had managed to somehow breathe again.

"Hey... Stop it, Kate!" He looked at her sternly. "I would never think of you as being capable of such thing. This is no one's fault. You didn't know you were pregnant."

"But still..." her breath hitched again. "Isn't that part of being a woman? Shouldn't I have some kind of built-in radar to detect those things?"

"Don't..." He shook his head, "Don't do that to yourself... This was my fault as well..."

She was about to protest when he silenced her with a kiss.

"It takes two to tango, you know," he kissed her once more when he saw her about to reply. "I could have gone to the 24-hour shop around the corner to buy another box of condom when we realised we had run out. Maybe I should even control myself a lot better rather than behaving recklessly... Forgoing protection once was probably an accident, but what about the second, the third or those moments during that morning shower?"

"That's not your fault, Dylan... I could've chosen to stop, I could've chosen to say no..." Her grip on his shirt tightened as every emotions swirled in her once more. "But I didn't..." she paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "I needed you... I still need you... and I don't think my need for you would change anytime soon..."

"Mine wouldn't either..." he replied hoarsely, a lump on his throat had formed as he listened to her.

"Say it Dylan..."

"Hmm?"

"Say you love me..."

His eyes searched hers questioningly before replying softly. "You know I do..."

"I know..." The palm of one of her hands rested on his heart. "But I need you to say it so I can say it back..."

_Oh Kate... _His heart constricted painfully as he heard the desperation on her voice.

"All I could think about as I was bleeding on the bottom of that hull was the fact that I haven't said those three words back to you..." her tears ran freely once more at the memory. "I could feel that I was dying... There was just too much blood pouring out of me. And I knew at that point that I might not see you again..."

He peppered kisses on her forehead while his own tears were slowly pooling on his eyes.

"I prayed..." she then reached for the heart-shaped wooden pendant on her neck. "I held on to this and prayed over and over again so that I would have another chance to see you... To have another chance of saying the things that I should have said... I had been too afraid to let go of my past before... I had been holding back... It was only then, in the relative quietness of that small space that I realised that all my worries were pointless. Life is too short... too fragile... The man above was teaching me a lesson... A lesson for me to hold on to the things that is important to me... and to let go of those fears that was holding me back..."

Dylan closed his eyes as he was reminded once more on how close he had been of losing her.

"I've never been so happy to hear the sound of gunfire..." her lips curved upward slightly. "I tried to get up, but I just couldn't, so I turned around, lay on my stomach and dragged myself to that step ladder. It was so painful... but I managed to reach it. I climbed the step one by one... I managed to reach halfway up before my grip loosened and I fell... Then I blacked out..."

He tightened his jaw as she described what she had been doing when he was probably too busy punching that scumbag. "I should've got to you a lot sooner..."

"Sshhh..." She caressed his jaw absentmindedly. "Swain told me what happened during the rescue, he apologised too, just like you. He said that he should've remembered the hatch a lot sooner... He said that he regretted the fact that he wallowed too much on his mistake in the original boarding that he forgot to brief the others of the exact location of the hatch."

"He said the same thing to me too..." he replied, remembering all conversations that he had with Swain during this ordeal.

"But those things didn't matter anymore. You guys did find me..." Her palm moved to caress the side of his neck before resting there. She allowed herself a tiny smile as she saw him subconsciously leaned to her touch. "I remembered your voice... Everything was black, I was semi-conscious I think... but I could hear your voice... I said to myself... I needed to find you... So, I followed your voice... That's all I did, Dylan... found your voice..."

His breath couldn't help but hitched as he heard the tale from her perspective and tears that had been welling in his eyes finally fell. "I love you, Kate McGregor..." he said simply.

She managed to smile despite her own tears, grateful to be able to hear those words from him. And this time, she could say it back. So she did...

"I love you too, Dylan..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	23. Chapter 23

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 23**

_A/N: The penultimate chapter of this series... Set approximately 5 weeks after the previous part... Thank you for your patience guys... I know it's been a long wait..._

* * *

"Are you still not telling me where we are going?"

Dylan chuckled at the question that she had asked so many times already. "Well, you can always guess..." he said cheekily while his eyes kept staring at the stretch of highway ahead of him.

"Hmm..." Kate's forehead scrunched slightly, taking his challenge seriously. "We're on the Captain Cook Highway, heading north. So, Port Douglas?"

"No..."

"Northern Beaches?"

"Nope..." he shook his head. "Keep going..."

She scowled at the hint of smugness in his voice. "You are enjoying this..."

"Sort of..." he smiled for a second before he looked at her, grabbed her hand and held tight. "Just trust me, OK?!"

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Of course I do. I let you drive my brand new car, don't I?

His lips curved upwards at her rhetorical question but didn't say anything back. He just kept their hands entwined while he drove one-handed.

After their reunion in the hospital, Kate had to wait another week before she was discharged from the hospital. He managed to accompany her at home for a week before he had to sail once again. It was a three weeks back-to-back patrol this time, with only 18 hours shore leave in between. So, they hadn't had the chance to go on that elusive first date. Until now.

Thankfully, during that time, she had successfully lodged the insurance claim for her car and got a replacement. Otherwise, he would have to take his bike today and let her ride at the back of it, which he wasn't keen on doing as she would be exposed to elements.

He knew that it had been six weeks since she woke up from the coma. Her physical ability had returned to normal. She had even started on her temporary shore posting last week. But there was still a small part of him that worried that she had been overdoing things. He knew better than mentioning his worry though. So, he would just observe quietly. If her steps looked heavy or if she leaned on to his side to support her weight, then he would just take her home straight away. He would rather her be angry at him than re-injuring herself.

As he drove further up north, he started to see the tiny green specks moving up and down the mountain slightly on their left hand side. So, he decided to clue her in.

"Kate..."

"Hmm?" She turned her head to look at him.

"Do you see those massive towers going up to the mountain just ahead of us?"

She squint her eyes slightly to locate the towers he mentioned about. As the highway bent slightly to the left, the mountain was now just straight in front of them, giving her an uninterrupted view of the whole mechanism that humans had somehow erected on that mountain. Not only had she seen those massive towers placed few hundred metres from each other from the bottom of the mountain to the top, but she also saw green dots moving up and down the mountain in between those towers on a stretch of invisible line.

She then turned to him and smiled enthusiastically. "Are we going to ride a cable car?"

Her smile was infectious as he found himself grinning broadly at her. "Yes, we are..."

* * *

"This whole thing is a little bit scary, hey..."

Dylan turned to look at her in alarm. "Please tell me you're not afraid of heights..." If she was, then they would have to re-schedule their first date again.

"No..." Kate snuggled closer to his side as they were waiting in a queue for their cable car to arrive. "It's not about the height; it's about that single cable," referring to the cable that they could see clearly from behind the glass door that separated them from the boarding station, "I know that it's probably made of steel, but to think that a single cable is holding so many gondolas, 114 of them according to this brochure, I think that it is a pretty amazing feat. But it also begs the question, what if it all goes wrong? Would they have a failsafe system in place just in case?"

"Ssshhhh, Kate, don't say that out loud..." he whispered softly to her ear while his eyes stumbled upon a little girl who was looking at them with wide eyes as she overheard what Kate was saying.

Kate followed his eyes, saw the girl standing in front of them and realised her mistake. She then smiled apologetically to the little girl's mother who could only give her a weary smile back before crouching down to the little girl's level and started speaking to her. "Hey... what's your name?"

The little girl looked up to her mother and waited until she nodded her permission before looking at Kate shyly.

"Amy."

"Hi Amy, I'm Kate..."

"Are you scared of those?" her chubby fingers referring to one of the gondolas that were approaching the station.

"A little..." Kate said carefully, not wanting to scare the little girl further.

"Well, I'm scared too..." Amy whispered softly, "would things go wrong like you said before?"

"Of course not." Kate paused, racking her brain for suitable explanation. "I was just trying to scare the big guy standing next to me."

Dylan rolled his eyes at her deflection tactic, but couldn't help smiling at her answer.

"That's not very nice..." Amy said disapprovingly.

"Yes, Kate... that's not very nice of you..." Dylan teased her, parroting what Amy actually said.

Kate glared at him playfully before turning her attention to Amy once more. "I know and I will apologise to him later. As for the cable car, the people who built it are very smart. So, they had already thought of the possibility of something wrong happening and had made it safe for us."

"Excuse me, Ma'am..." The voice of the man wearing a distinctive green uniform was directed at Amy's mother. Apparently, it was Amy & her mother's turn to board the gondola. With a small wave and a smile that Kate hoped looking somewhat reassuring, both her and Dylan bid farewell to the little girl.

* * *

It wasn't long before their gondola arrived. The staff closed the door for them and told them that the next station was Red Peak station and it would take them 10 minutes to get there. She was tense at the start, especially when she could feel the gondola took off from the station to the mercy of gravity with only a cable to hold them. But after a few minutes, she began to have a look at the surrounding scenery. They were moving up to the peak of the mountain and slowly leaving the station behind. They could also see the stretch of the highway got smaller and smaller until all they could see were rainforest canopies surrounding them.

He then pulled her closer to him and kissed her temple. "So, trying to scare me, huh?" He opened the conversation after a few minutes of mutual silence. Frankly, he was still quite amused by her ingenuity.

"Well, I was running out of ideas..." she smiled at him then put her arms around his waist and snuggled to his chest. "Making you the victim sounds like the perfect escape..."

He snorted. "I'm nobody's victim, Kate..."

"No..." She shook her head, "of course not." Sensing that he was a little bit put out by the term she used, she reached up to kiss his cheek. "You're a hero, Dylan."

"I'm not that either..." A sad smile graced his face as he rebuked her simple statement.

"Yes, you are..." Both of her hands rested on his chest. The feeling of his heartbeat was always calming and reassuring for her. Falling asleep on his chest while listening to his heartbeat had quickly become one of the things that she missed the most when he was away on patrol.

"I know that even after all these years, you are still punishing yourself for every single person that you couldn't save one way or the other. In doing that, you kept forgetting all the people that you have saved. Including me..."

"Kate..."

Her forefinger rested on his lips, silencing him. "I understand that you don't like being called that. In a way, it was also a burden for you to be called 'hero', but you can't deny that your character traits are those that people considered as heroic. Protective, selfless, brave and more importantly, you care. Care for your crewmates, your parents, your family and I guess, me..."

"Saving you in that boarding was not about being a hero, Kate. It was about me being selfish. I want you with me, here on this earth for a long time. How could that kind of selfishness be considered heroic?" His question echoed in that small gondola cabin, forcing an uncomfortable silence between them.

"It's not selfish when you care so much, Dylan..." She finally replied. Her teary eyes looked up to meet his troubled eyes. "When we first met almost a year ago, both of us were standing in the shadow of our past. We're both struggling and on that first two months, we both took our frustration at each other. But obviously, we saw something in each other that made us chose to move on together, rather than apart..." Her hand then cupped his cheek and caressed it slowly. "_You_ saved me..."

"You saved me too, Kate..." His hoarse voice betrayed the fact that her short speech had touched him deeply.

Kate smiled and reached the back of his head to pull him down for a kiss. One single kiss that quickly turned to two kisses and more. By the time they separated to breathe the necessary air to their lungs, they could actually see the next station on top of the mountain. They shared a chuckle when they realised that they had spent the last 5 minutes kissing each other passionately without any care for the beautiful scenery surrounding them.

"It's a good thing that we have our own gondola, huh?" He peppered kisses on her forehead softly. "I don't think that what we did just now suitable for little kids' consumption..."

"I know..." She nudged his ribs playfully. "It's all your fault..."

"Huh? Since when?" He raised his eyebrows at her statement.

She gave him a mock sigh. "Haven't you learned already?"

"Learn what?" His frown grew deeper.

"In a relationship, it's always the man's fault..."

* * *

After reaching the red peak station, they got out of the station and walked through the neatly laid footpath in the rainforest. The supposedly 20 minutes exploration became 40 minutes as they walked slowly hand-in-hand and Kate insisted that they stopped in front of every trees to read the explanation placard. While on the other hand, Dylan couldn't actually stop taking photos of her using the new camera that he had bought especially for this. Finally, after kept seeing white spots due to over-exposure to the camera flash, Kate put her foot down and threatened him to stop taking her picture or there would be no kissing session in the next part of their cable car journey. His face contorted to a mock horror at her threat but still snapped one last picture before pulling her to him and gave her a big sloppy kiss. A few minutes later, when she was coherent enough to realise what had happened, she just scowled at him for his antics before snuggling to his side and steered him to the direction of the station again. Dylan could only grin at her inability to find a comeback words and tightened his hold on her waist.

They spent the 10 minutes journey to the Baron Falls station in almost the same fashion as before. Cuddling and kissing. Now that the stars had finally aligned for them, they wanted to be careless; they wanted to be a normal couple who were enjoying their date together. It was as if they wanted to make up for all the lost time in their relationship.

Once again, their walk in another part of the rainforest extended longer than the recommended time. A lady that stood with them on one of the lookouts had offered to take pictures of both of them with the waterfall as the background. They kindly accepted her offer and stood patiently while she took their picture together. As the lady gave the camera back to Dylan, she patted his hand and said, "enjoy your honeymoon." Dylan almost burst out laughing, but held himself in check and replied solemnly to her that both of them would certainly enjoy their honeymoon. They waited until they were sure the lady had gone to another lookout before looking at each other and laughed.

"Are we that sickening?" Kate commented once they had stopped laughing.

"Nah..." he smiled at her. "I think we just look like we're in love..." He replied while offering his left hand to her.

Her answering smile and the fact that she entwined her fingers to his were enough to make his smile even wider.

The last leg of the journey was peaceful. They simply cuddled up to each other while occasionally pointing out the scenery in the distance. As they crossed the Barron River and reached the station, one of the staff opened the door and informed them that there was a camera that would take their picture in the gondola as a souvenir. All they had to do was to make sure their eyes were looking at the big green frog on the wall and the countdown screen next to it. Another happy smile and five seconds later, they got out of the gondola and headed to the souvenir shop to have their picture developed.

The rest of the day was filled with a nice lunch and a walk through the market stalls in the village. They picked up few bottles of honey for their usual tradition of morning pancakes, watched the candy-makers made rock candies in one of the shop, ate ice cream on the side of the road and took turn to taste each other's ice cream. They also saw souvenir shops that made and sold souvenirs made from real kangaroo's fur. It turned out that not only they had the normal souvenirs like key rings, wallets and bags; they also had some unusual type of souvenirs, just like the one that Kate held curiously at the moment.

"Isn't that too small for your taste?" Dylan whispered cheekily to her ears, referring to the key ring she held that had Kangaroo's balls dangling from it.

"Dylan..." she glared at him indignantly, worried that someone might overhear his question.

"What?" he grinned at her, "I'm just saying, you have the real thing if you want to play with balls..." he whispered further to her ears, making her blushed.

"Dylan, stop it!" she whispered back with a warning in her eyes for him to stop.

"Is there anything that I could help you with?" the voice of the lady that owned the shop interrupted their bickering session.

"Is this real?" Kate couldn't help but blurt the question out.

The lady smiled. "Yes, that's real. My friend made that one. My husband and I are only specialising in souvenirs made from fur, we're not creative enough to make something from balls. She also made something like this..." The lady then grabbed another souvenir from the table and handed it to Kate. This time, it was still the same balls but there was no key ring attached, instead it had metal holes on the top.

"What's this for?"

"That's a gear stick holder for the car. You attach that on the top of the gear stick."

Dylan couldn't help snorted at that explanation, but a jab to his ribs forced him to school his features once more.

"Those are $15 each if you're interested..."

Kate stared at the souvenir on her hand for few more seconds before she grabbed her wallet and said, "I'll take it."

* * *

"I can't believe you bought it."

"It's just for fun, Dylan..." She murmured quietly from his chest. Her eyes were heavy and she snuggled deeper into his embrace as they sat in the cable car once again.

Hearing the sleepiness in her voice, he looked down at her concerned. "Are you tired?"

"A little..."

"Sleep then..." His arms tightened his hold around her. "I'll wake you up when we reach the bottom."

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I'm so sleepy..."

"Don't be sorry." He kissed the top of her head softly. "Whether you like it or not, you are still recovering. 5 weeks ago you were barely able to move without grimacing. So, it's no wonder that you still need to take it easy."

She didn't reply. She had already fallen asleep.

When they reached the station on the bottom, Dylan had reluctantly wakened her up and walked her to the car. He made sure that her seat belt was fully secured, a move that earned him a sleepy glare that said 'I could do it myself', but he just gave her a sweet smile before closing the passenger door and walked around the car to the driver's seat.

The journey home was quiet. Kate had fallen asleep again as soon as they hit the road. Dylan turned the radio on a low volume to keep him company. Every once in a while he checked on her, wanting to make sure that she was still safe and secure next to him. A ridiculous thought, but he found that he couldn't help it. Before long he was pulling to the driveway of her house. He grabbed his spare key from the key ring in his pocket and opened the front door. He then walked back to the car and opened the passenger seat before taking off her seat belt and carried her out in his arms. She made a sound of protest, but nevertheless still reached up to circle her arms around him and bury her nose to the crook of his neck. His smiled softly at the sight of her snuggling up to him. He then kissed her forehead while he nudged the car door close with his shoulder.

As he slowly climbed upstairs to the direction of her room, she mumbled sleepily, "Are we home?"

"Yes we are."

"Can I take a shower first?"

"Don't you want to go straight to bed?"

She shook her head softly. "Shower first... I'm all sweaty and dirty."

"You'll fall asleep standing in the shower... How about a bath?" he counter-offered.

"That's even worse, Dylan. I could fall asleep and drown..."

He sighed. She was right of course. And the mental image of her drowning was enough to make him shudder a little bit. That was why he relented to her request. He stepped in to the bedroom and its adjoining ensuite bathroom and lowered her to sit on the closed toilet while he went to the shower, turned the tap on and adjusted the water temperature for her.

"You are spoiling me again..." She looked at him pottering about in her bathroom with a soft smile on her face.

He smiled and knelt in front of her before tucking his hand under her shirt and caressed her sides. "And how many times I told you that the correct term is not 'spoiling', but 'taking care of'?"

She didn't answer; she just smiled and kissed his lips. "Do you want to join me?"

He groaned softly. "I love to, sweetheart... but... If I go in there with you, you might not have any dinner tonight."

"There's always take-away..."

He shook his head at her persuasive tone. "Hu-uh... dinner and dessert are part of the planned first date..."

"Well... we can always have the 'dessert' first..." She still hadn't given up.

"Kate..." he said her name warningly. "You are getting proper dinner and dessert and that's the end of this argument..."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Fine."

* * *

He had spent the last hour pottering about in her kitchen to make their dinner and dessert. He finally finished sprinkling a generous amount of mozzarella cheese on top of the layers of lasagne before putting the oven-proof dish into the oven and set the timer for 40 minutes. He then stored the pancake batter in the fridge for the dessert later. While cleaning the kitchen bench, he remembered that they still left their purchases from the market stalls and her purse in the car. Before he forgot, he decided to abandon the kitchen wipes and grab the car key instead.

He got back to the kitchen and put the bags on top of the breakfast chair. He then grabbed the kitchen wipes and continued his cleaning. Once he had satisfied that the bench was clean enough, he threw the wipes away and reached for the bags again. The bottles of honey went into the cupboard. One of the jars of the fruit rocks went into the cupboard as well while he set aside the other one to be placed on top of the breakfast bar. That left him with the snow globe and that new key ring that she had purchased on a whim. Smiling as he remembered their bickering session, he then hung the key ring along with the other key rings collection that she had hung on a special hook that she had attached to the wall.

He then opened the oven door and checked on the lasagne. Satisfied that it was cooking nicely, he lowered the temperature and set a longer time, so that Kate could get a full 2 hour nap before dinner. Speaking of his girl, he then grabbed her purse and the snow globe and climbed up the stairs once more.

He tried to make his footsteps as light as he could once he reached her bedroom. He was glad that he found her still asleep soundly. She curled under the thin sheet to the pillow on the right side,_ his pillow._ He smiled at this and carefully stepped into her room and put the stuff currently in his arms to the bedside table. Thankfully his movements didn't wake her. He then kissed her forehead lightly and caressed her cheek before going to the bathroom to use the shower.

He came out of the bathroom and headed straight to the drawer to find a new pair of boxer and shirt. He hadn't officially moved in or anything, and frankly he didn't think it would be anytime soon. But his stuff was indeed everywhere in her house now. His clothes and few sets of his uniforms in her wardrobe and drawers; his shoes that mingled with hers on the shoe racks...

"This is a sight that I could get used to..."

His head turned at the sound of her voice. Seeing her eyes stared at his towelled-clad body with a soft smile on her lips, he grinned back at her and walked towards her before sitting gingerly on the bed and reached for her hands.

"How long have you been awake?"

"5 minutes?" She shrugged. "The sunset woke me up..."

"I should have closed the curtains before... Sorry..."

"Don't be." She kissed the palm of his hand. "I love sunset..."

"Do you?"

"Yeah..." Her face turned melancholy for a second before she pasted a smile and tugged his hand to her, a silent invitation to climb up to bed with her.

He shook his head softly, "let me dry myself first, otherwise your sheet with be damp..."

"Okay... but hurry back..."

* * *

Kate still stared at the orange glow that shone through the window when she felt the bed dipped behind her and a pair of arms circled her waist gently. She turned slightly to smile at him before staring at the sunset once more.

For a while they fell into comfortable silence. Both just cherished the opportunity to be on each other arms without any interruption from their jobs for the whole weekend at least.

"Any particular reason why you love sunset?" he murmured quietly to her hair.

She tensed a little bit at the question, but quickly relaxed back to his arms. "It's beautiful..."

"So is sunrise..." he replied, sensing there was more to the story than that.

She sighed. And for a few minutes she was quiet once more.

He was about to say to her to forget he even asked when she spoke. "I used to hate sunrise."

The tone of her voice left him with no doubt that her explanation wouldn't be pretty at all.

"My life in that town was bleak, Dylan. Sunrise used to mean another day of bullying at school, another day of back-breaking work at the general store, another day of experiencing my mother's slur and violence when she was either high on drugs or wasted on the bottles." Kate explained in somewhat monotone voice. "Whereas sunset used to be a welcome sight. It used to mean that all those things were over for at least 12 hours until I had to wake up again the next day."

"Kate..." he could only tightened his arms around her, letting her know that she wasn't that lonely teenage girl anymore.

"I remembered one day...I was fifteen..." her voice had turned so sad and he braced himself for the worst. "The owner of the general store had to close the store early as his daughter–in-law was giving birth in the hospital. He wanted to be there for them and he was in a good mood. So, he closed the store at 5 pm, gave me a loaf of fresh bread, a dozen eggs and a kilo of apples as he was feeling generous. I remembered that I had a rare smile on my face as I walked home, thinking that I finally could make myself a decent dinner after a week surviving on bread alone." She paused and held his arms tighter before continuing. "When I got home, I tip-toed in carefully because I didn't know who would be home. But I only found my mother, slumped on the couch, after what obviously an afternoon of drugs. I could still see the white powder on the coffee table. I figured that she would be unconscious for another two hours. So I put my bag in my room and went to the kitchen to make myself some dinner with the eggs. That was when I felt his hot breath on my neck..."

"Oh God..." He muttered, already hating where this would go.

"He yanked me to floor." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I fought... I clawed, I bit him, I screamed for my mother..."

"Please tell me he didn't..." He begged her pathetically. "Please tell me he didn't violate you that way..."

"Suddenly, I couldn't feel him on top of me anymore." She continued, ignoring his pleas, but hot tears started to roll down her cheek at the fact that he had to listen to this. "I opened my eyes and saw my mother had pulled her boyfriend off me and had hit him with a hot frying pan over and over again, rendering him semi-conscious, before dragging him out of the door and locked the door behind it."

Kate then turned to face him and locked her eyes to his. "She got to me just in time. For the first time since we moved to that town, I saw a flash of care in her eyes. A tiny bit of worry when she asked me whether I was OK. But that was quickly replaced by anger. And she started hitting me Dylan..." She buried her face to his chest, a gesture that he reciprocated by holding her so tight as if he would never want to let go.

"She kept screaming at me for seducing her boyfriend. For being a slut... a whore..." Her hot tears now stained his shirt, breaking his heart in the process. "When she finally stopped, all my body was hurt, I didn't have the energy to even stand up. So, I crawled. I crawled to my bedroom, managed to lock the door shut before climbing to the bed, made myself to a ball and cried..." She paused for a few seconds. "Then I saw it, Dylan... I saw the sunset through my bedroom windows... I remembered feeling so relieved and so happy that the day was over... that I didn't have to face the world again for another 12 hours..."

Silence descended on both of them. The story-telling had left her drained, so she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

"If we ever have children, Kate, I don't want her anywhere near ours..." He couldn't help the coldness in his voice as anger overwhelmed him. He wondered how many more similar stories were scattered throughout her life. The prospect saddened him greatly.

She lifted her head from his chest and peppered kissed on his jaw to persuade him to let go of his anger. Looking down on her, he then captured her lips in a deep kiss, trying to erase all those bad memories from her brain. She responded eagerly and before long, she had pushed him to lay on his back, while their tongue and lips duelled with each other.

Unfortunately, they had to separate for air sometime later and she rested her body on his chest while his hand caressed her hair.

"You don't have to worry about that, Dylan... She's dead."

Dylan closed his eyes at her statement. Now, he felt like an arse for even saying those things about her mother... "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be..." She shook her head softly. "Even if she was alive, I wouldn't want her anywhere near our children either... Our kids would only know your parents as their grandparents and that's more than enough..."

As he realised the object of their conversation, he chuckled slightly. "_Children,_ Kate? As in plural?"

"Hey... you're the one who bring that up first..." Her lips formed her first smile since she started the storytelling about her past.

His eyes softened as he saw her smile and rolled her to the side once more so he could hug her properly. "Do you want children?"

"You're asking me about having children on our first date?" she asked him teasingly.

"Well... firstly, we're not going to get any younger... Secondly, there was that loss that we experienced just 6 weeks ago...and... I really don't see myself doing this with anybody else..." He said tentatively, careful not to freak her out.

Silence greeted his statement and he started to worry that his rambling had overstepped the boundary somehow.

"I think that more than anything else in this world, I want to do this right. I want to do this in the right order." She then cupped his cheek softly and kissed him lightly on the lips before continuing. "So... how about we just love each other... Spend our lives together from now on and as for everything else, I have faith that when the time is right, we can talk again and decide then..."

"That sounds good, sweetheart..." He whispered his agreement softly.

* * *

"Dylan..." She said his name and broke the silence that had descended on them for the last few minutes...

"Yeah?"

"I'm kind of hungry now..." she said sheepishly.

He chuckled as his stomach growled in response to her statement. "Well, it's a good thing that I just heard the timer went off then..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	24. Chapter 24

**Heaven Knows - Chapter 24**

_A/N: This is the final chapter of this story. Thank you to everyone that has been reading and commenting. I hope you have enjoyed the story as much as I was enjoyed writing it._

* * *

"Ma'am..."

Swain looked at the woman sitting on the Captain's chair with her eyes fixed to the vast ocean ahead of Hammersley. When she still didn't response after a few minutes, he leaned his body to her and spoke in a low voice. "Kate..."

This time, she turned her head to him and stared at him with wide eyes. "Yes, Swain?"

"We're an hour away from port..." he replied succinctly, knowing that she would understand what he meant.

"Already?" she looked at him with surprise in her eyes.

He smiled at her stunned expression. "Have you been daydreaming, Ma'am?" he whispered amusedly.

"Of course not." She glared at him briefly to conceal her embarrassment at being caught. Thankfully it was just Swain. And because he was one of her dearest friends nowadays, her lips couldn't help but curved up a little bit to indicate to him that she was actually not angry at all. She then grabbed the microphone of the PA system and spoke.

"Do you hear there, Captain speaking..." The silent hush that followed her statement had never failed to remind her of her accomplishment in achieving her dream of commanding her own ship, even though she had held the job for 18 months now. "We'll arrive at home port at approximately an hour. As a thank you for all your hard work for the last 2 months with 3 back-to-back patrols, Navcom had granted us two weeks shore leave. However, as usual there would be duty watch while we're on port. So, don't forget to check the roster on the notice board. That is all."

She put the microphone away and turned to her helmsman once again. "Swain, give the order."

"Aye, Ma'am."

As Swain rattled the usual order to get the ship ready for the homecoming, she turned her gaze once more to the relatively calm sea stretched as far as her eyes could see. It had been a tiring 2 months for Hammersley's crew as they were taking over for Kingston and Glenelg that were stuck in port for heavy maintenance. The usual bout of FFVs, boat people, smugglers and suspected terrorists kept them busy. Thankfully, none of the crews suffered any life-threatening injuries. Some scrapes, bruises and mild concussions kept Swain and Bird occupied, but otherwise, they had escaped relatively unharmed.

2Dads's not so discreet discussions with the buffer, Petty Officer Harold James, about their plan to have a massive night out with most of the crews brought her back from her reverie.

"2Dads, the last time you had a massive night out, Swain and I had to bail you and Fitzy out from a police lock-up in a foreign country..." She turned her head from behind her chair to look at him pointedly. "I really need a peaceful shore leave, so try not to get arrested, OK?"

"Yes, Ma'am." 2Dads grinned sheepishly at his boss. "Are you joining us?"

"Which part of the word 'peaceful' don't you understand?" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Oh, come on, boss... One drink?"

2Dads had never been her favourite person, but she found that she had developed a tiny soft spot for her electronic technician over the years, not to mention his cheekiness reminded her slightly of the cheekiness of her favourite man. She felt her chest tightened slightly at the thought of him but quickly swallowed down her melancholy.

"Ma'am, it's just one drink..." the voice of her new Charge distracted her from her thoughts.

She looked at him smiling from behind the marine link console and quickly scanned the expectant faces of her crew on the bridge.

"Fine...One drink."

* * *

Kate was going through the thick pile of paperworks on her desk when she heard the knock on her slightly opened door.

"Come in."

LEUT Samantha Purcell pushed the door open and held out another stack of paperwork to Kate's direction. "Ma'am, all the reports are done. Unless you need me for anything else, I'm heading out now..."

"Actually, I want to speak to you for a few minutes, X." Kate took the reports and gestured to the seat next to her desk.

Sam took her seat and looked at Kate worriedly. "Is there a problem, Ma'am?"

"No..." Kate smiled slightly. "I just want to see how you are travelling after 3 months in this ship... Getting used to the life on a patrol boat yet?"

"It's different from the big ship..." Sam paused, "it's a lot more personal..." She sighed. "And I'm still trying to get used to it."

"I see..." Kate put her pen down and turned her chair so that she could look at Sam in the eye. "Are you going out with the crew tonight?"

Sam shook her head. "I wasn't planning on going, Ma'am..."

"I think you should... It will help you to get to know your crew outside work situation... It will help to break the ice, so to speak... They are a great bunch of people..." Kate chuckled. "But I'm biased. I've been in this place for more than 7 years already... So, don't take my words for it. Go find out for yourself..." She then turned back to the direction of her paperworks and picked up her pen once more. "You can go, X. Enjoy your shore leave..."

Hearing the dismissal, Sam got up from the chair but she couldn't bring herself to turn around and leave. "Ma'am... permission to speak frankly?"

"Granted."

"Why have you stayed on this ship for such a long time?"

"Excuse me?" Kate's eyebrow lifted slightly.

"What I mean is..." Sam couldn't help but feeling intimidated with her CO's current stare.

"Spit it out, Lieutenant. I can see that you have your opinion about this."

Sam took a deep breath before continuing. "Your score on your final year in ADFA is still the highest score ever achieved by an officer cadet, Ma'am. I tried to beat it. I got close... very close... but despite my best effort, my final score ended up being 2 points below you. You are one person that every female cadet aspires to be. I've always imagined you to already be a Commander of a big ship somewhere... maybe in the gulf..." She then chuckled a little bit. "Imagine my surprise when Commander White told me that you would be my CO in this... Well... 'Little tub'... and I found out that you've been here for 7 years and by all account seems happy with the arrangement. Forgive my bluntness, Ma'am, but staying in this ship seems like a waste of your talent. I just don't understand why you would make such decision..."

Kate quietly looked at the young Lieutenant standing in front of her and wondered if she was actually looking at her own reflection when she was first posted here.

"Have a seat, X... And please close the door..." Kate finally said to Sam after a moment of mutual silence.

"Are you offended, Ma'am?"

"No..." Kate shook her head slowly and leaned towards the young woman. "Sam... Can I call you that?"

"Yes."

"When I was first posted here, it was supposed to be for 6 months only. I said to myself that I would serve in this 'little tub' for 6 months and go back to frigate straight after that. It didn't cross my mind that I would stay for more than 6 months, let alone 7 years..."

"What made you stay?" Sam asked curiously.

"The people," Kate's lips curved upwards at the thought. "Somehow, the people in this ship have become my family. Some of us that have been serving together for all these years have experienced a lot of things together. We've grieved together for few members of our family that have died on duty. Not to mention so many incidents involving the crew, including myself, which had threatened our lives over the years. We might not always be friends with each other, but we are family, we take care of each other, we help each other and we have each other's back all the time. And that's the kind of things that you probably would never have experienced in big ship."

"But what about your career?" Sam insisted, "We both know that the chances of promotion are bigger if we stay on a frigate."

Kate sighed. "Sam... I've learned the hard way that there are more to life than one's career. At the end of the day, this is only a job; a job that eventually have to end one way or the other. Having a goal is a very good way to keep you motivated in the Navy, but in achieving that goal, don't forget the human aspect of your job. There are more to being a leader than just knowing your ship. You need to get to know your crew too, what makes them tick and so on. Part of being in command is to be responsible for the well-being of your crew. That's why I personally bailed 2Dads and Fitzy from that police lock-up. I could've sent buffer in my place, but those two lads needed to know that their CO cared, that despite their stupid behaviour, I would never leave them behind in the mercy of foreign policemen. This is what being a leader entails. Frankly, I think that you still need to learn that part of being a leader and that was one of the reasons why the brass sent you to serve in this little tub. Probably that was the reason I was sent to serve here all those years ago as well."

"I'm not good with people interaction, Ma'am," Sam smiled wryly.

"Then you need to start learning." Kate paused slightly. "Come by to the pub tonight, even just for a little bit."

Sam nodded. "I'll think about it, Ma'am."

Kate shook her head strongly. "Don't think... Just come..."

When Sam still didn't reply, Kate continued, "I could make it an order, Lieutenant."

Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking at Kate's eyes once more. "I promise I'll come tonight, Ma'am."

"That's good... I will see you tonight, X."

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

Kate got up from her chair and stretched her back a little bit. After 2 hours reviewing reports on her desk, the end was finally in sight. There were only about four reports left and she couldn't wait to get home, have a nice warm bath and try to relax before bed, hoping that she could force herself not to have a nightmare tonight.

At the thought of nightmares that had been plaguing her sleep for the last week, she then sat down heavily, rested her forehead on her hands, elbows on her desk and closed her eyes. It was at this very moment that someone knocked on her door once again.

She sighed inwardly. Knowing that her door was half-opened and the person at the door would most likely barging in any second; she sat straighter and pasted a smile on her face.

"Permission to come in, Ma'am?"

Kate's head turned towards the door in shock.

She knew that he was not supposed to be here yet. But, here he was, standing at her door and staring at her with a look of pure longing in his eyes.

At this very minute all she wanted to do was to jump to his arms and never let go. But the sounds of few of the crews passing through her door behind him preventing her from doing that. So, instead, she replied to his request with a somewhat neutral voice.

"Permission granted, Chief Petty Officer..." she paused, "and please close the door behind you."

Dylan stepped inside the threshold of her door and pushed the door closed behind him while keeping his eyes on her all the time. He then moved to kneel in front of her. One of his hands cupped the side of her neck while the other started to circle her waist.

"Hi, sweetheart..."

Her lips started to quiver at his simple greeting.

"Hi, big fella..." She replied softly and smiled at him with teary eyes. Her hand then caressed his cheek lovingly, cherishing the fact that she could feel his skin under her fingers again after having to content with seeing his blurred images on Skype for 4 months. "I missed you..."

Dylan pulled her to him gently and hugged her tight. His palm then cradled her head that was buried to his neck and his lips whispered back softly to her ear. "I missed you too..."

They stayed at each other's embrace for a long time. Neither wanted to let go just yet.

"I got your voice message..." Dylan broke the silence between them.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be..." He kissed her cheek softly. "I want you to let me know these things... I want to know your feelings, your fears, good news, bad news, everything..."

"I don't want to make you worry... We have jobs to do... I can't cry to your voicemail every time I have a nightmare. I can't waste our Skype time to whinge or acting spoilt either..."

"Kate..." He pulled himself off their embrace, got off to his feet and encouraged her to do the same.

She followed him and sat beside him on her rack before settling herself to his arms once more.

"I'm always worried about you... I've always wanted to take care of you..." He then smiled cheekily. "I even gave you a black eye for being over-protective, didn't I?"

She shook her head softly. "You really think I could forget that?"

He grinned. "I don't think so..." He then continued solemnly. "My point is... I'm thinking of you all the time anyway... So, telling me that you had a nightmare wouldn't make me lose concentration... I have a big box in my head that I use to store all my feelings and fears away when I was doing my job. I only unload the content when I'm reading my emails, talking to you on Skype, or when I was laying on my rack. That's when I missed you the most..."

"I know..." She murmured quietly from his chest. "But... It was a horrible message Dylan... I hate to make you worried more than what you normally would..."

"Kate... Please don't hide this stuff from me. I'm here for better and for worse..." He tightened his hold on her and kissed her temple repeatedly. "Do you want to tell me what the nightmare was all about?"

She stayed quiet for a little bit before snuggling further to his chest to hear his heartbeat. "I've had nightmares every night for the past week..."

"The same one?"

She shook her head. "No... different ones...but... They were all the same in the way that they were all about you dying..."

_Oh, Kate..._

"I saw you die a different way every night, Dylan... It doesn't matter what I do to prevent it, you just kept dying in my arms... And last night..." She swallowed the lump in her throat... "I dreamed that I was in your funeral... I didn't know it was yours until I turned and saw your mum standing next to me and looking at me with despair in her eyes. As I realised it was your casket that they lowered to the ground, I fell to my knees and screamed..."

She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I woke up... and I just need you... But of course, you were not here... So, I dialled your number... when I got your voicemail... I started to cry... Hence, the incoherent message I left in your voicemail..."

He didn't know what else to say beside that he was sorry, that he wished he wasn't miles away somewhere in South China Sea doing a joint training exercise with the US Navy. She kissed him before he could finish his apology. And his lips responded with a hard and demanding kiss; as if he tried to erase the memory of that nightmare from her brain.

"I missed that too..." She whispered softly and touched her forehead against his as they tried to regulate their breathing.

He chuckled and kissed her softly one more time before he pulled her further to his embrace and rested his chin on top of her head.

"I really want you to take me home right now... But I couldn't do that just yet..." She sighed.

"How much time do you need to finish those reports?"

"Not long... But I have to see Commander White straight away after this...So, I don't know..." She shrugged. "Maybe an hour and a half?"

"It would be a tight squeeze then." He murmured quietly against her hair.

"Tight squeeze for what?" Her forehead scrunched at his confusing statement.

"Well... I sort of book something for us this afternoon..."

"Something?" She then sighed... "Let me guess, it's a surprise?"

He chuckled. "Yes... and I think you're going to like it... Well, I hope so anyway..." He said cryptically.

She shook her head amused. "There goes my warm bath and early sleep then..."

"You can take a nap in the car... It'll be at least 1.5 hour drive..." He felt somewhat guilty as he could see the dark circle under her eyes.

"Yeah... I might do just that..." She didn't want to let go of him just yet, but she knew she had to, otherwise those reports might not be finished and his plan might go to the drain. Although she was always too curious for her own good, she had learned over the last 2 years that his surprises turned out to be a very fun outing most of the time. So she normally just trusted him with his surprises and let him took her to various places.

"You want me to go, don't you?" Sensing her restlessness, he loosened his embrace and tilted her chin up for him to see her eyes.

She smiled. "Not really... but I don't think I can concentrate properly if you're here..."

He smiled back and kissed her forehead softly before getting up from her rack. "I'll see you at home?"

She nodded. She then let his hand go reluctantly. "I'll be as fast as I can..."

* * *

"Dylan... why there's only one horse?"

"Why not?" he grinned at her question. He could also see Travis, their long-term guide, tried to hide a smile at the impending bickering session that he knew would follow.

Her eyes narrowed at him as she asked somewhat accusingly. "You're afraid of racing me, aren't you? Because the last time we did that, I almost beat you."

"Almost is the operative word, Kate..." He grinned wider as her eyes threw dagger at him.

"And I presume that you want to make sure that there's no possibility of me beating you in your own game this time around?" Her finger jabbed his chest hard.

"Hey... I'm trying to be romantic here..."His hand grabbed hers and kissed her knuckles softly.

"I know..." Her eyes softened at his gesture and she squeezed his hand as a sign of truce.

She then averted her gaze to the beautiful horse in front of them. "Would Kelly be alright with tandem riding like this?" she asked worriedly.

"Kate, she's strong..." Travis rebuked her concern. "She is used to Dylan's weight already and no offense, but you're not that much of an extra weight for her."

"But she's almost 14 years old now..." Kate said absentmindedly while her hand caressed the white strip on Kelly's nose.

Dylan chuckled. "I don't think she would appreciate being called old, Kate..."

She didn't reply, she just gave him a dirty look for his cheekiness and continued to caress the horse. And as if Kelly was sensing Kate's worry, she leaned her head towards Kate and nudged her hand as a sign that she'd be alright.

Travis cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. "Shall we do this then?"

* * *

"Have you ever done this before?" Kate asked quietly. She was initially a bit apprehensive about the ride, but to be honest, the feel of his broad chest behind her and his arms on both side of her waist was very comforting. Also, after living in confined space with 20 other sailors for the last 2 months, the peacefulness of the rainforest and the sense of space surrounding them helped her calmed her anxiety of the previous night.

"Tandem riding?"

"Hu-uh."

"When I was a kid and couldn't ride by myself, my dad used to take me." He smiled at the memory. "But when I'm older, not really..."

"You must have a great childhood..." Her voice couldn't help but turned wistful.

"Overall... definitely... but... it was sort of a lonely childhood too... I was the only child in a vast farming property... I could run around freely... play with my dogs... hide and seek everywhere... but I didn't really have playmate my age... I had friends at school but my primary school was a long distance away from my house, so I couldn't have anyone over except on holiday period."

He kissed the crown on her head softly as he sensed her melancholy at the subject. "Then I was sent to boarding school when I was high school. My dad wanted me to experience living with people in my own age bracket and also to see the world from other people's perspective instead of just being trapped in the routine schedule of the farm life. So I lived in the boarding school during weekdays and went home on the weekend... That was when I really loved riding... I used to ride really hard and fast through the vast land that we had... It helped to calm me down after sometimes a frustrating school week..." He chuckled sheepishly. "I was never the studious type... Not because I couldn't understand what they were teaching me..."

"Of course not..." She tilted her head to the side so she could look at him. "You're pretty smart, you know..."

"Thank you..." He grinned at her and kissed her nose playfully before continuing. "I was just restless, I guess... My hands were itching to do something productive... something real... something physical... Maybe that was why I was interested the Navy life when the defence recruiters came to my school. They described the opportunity to travel the world, having the sea as your office and boarding action as a very exciting lifestyle choice... Well... they just forgot to mention the paperworks to us, hey?"

She chuckled at his somewhat sarcastic comment relating to the tactics that the recruiters used to attract school leavers. Sensing that he had stopped his story, she then leaned back against his chest and just listened to his heartbeat as they made their way through the rainforest to the beach. As she felt her body started to relax further, she wondered why they never did this before and she questioned him whether he had ever done this with another woman in his life.

Unsurprisingly, he said yes...

"A lot of women?" she couldn't help the hint of jealously in her voice.

"Na... just one other..." He met her eyes briefly before averting his gaze to their surroundings once more. "I don't do this with my 'casual' girls, Kate... just the very special ones..."

"Sorry..." she mumbled quietly. "I don't mean to imply anything..."

"I know..." he waved her apology off. They had shared their past and their thoughts to each other over the last two years of them being together, but there were always stories that were still buried in their past, just waiting for the right moment or even spontaneous moment like this for those to be told.

"Her name was Emily... She was my girlfriend in high school..."

"Let me guess, tall, blonde and leggy?" She replied jokingly, trying to light up the atmosphere a little bit.

He smiled at her obvious reference to his convertible girls in the past. "Actually, she was a brunette... medium height... and she was the smartest girl in the class..." He then whispered to her ear... "Kind of like you, but she was a brunette..."

She smiled back at him and rested her head on his chest once more. "Did you guys ride together often?"

"During the holiday, yes... She stayed with us in the farm for a few weeks during the school holiday period... We taught her a little bit of farming skills. I taught her riding, although she wasn't really confident in riding by herself... So we normally just did tandem riding like this..."

"Were you together for a while?" she asked curiously.

"Two years in high school... Then we tried to make it work for the first two years after we graduated... but it didn't work out..."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "She met somebody else in medical school... They were just friends back then... but she said that there could be a potential for more and she would like to explore that with him..."

"That sucked..." She couldn't find a better word than that to describe what she thought of the whole situation...

"I didn't fight for her... I could... and I probably should..." He sighed. "But I was just a sailor, Kate. I just didn't think I could compete with a guy that obviously was a medical student with a bright future. Plus, our schedule had never overlapped each other and we were in different states altogether... I guess the whole thing was just too much for a twenty year old version of myself..."

"Do you regret that you went to the Navy instead of doing a uni degree with her?" Kate knew that he loved his job, but the wistfulness of his voice as he talked about Emily made her wondered a little bit.

"No... If I didn't go to the Navy, I would have never met you... and the thought of not having you in my life was just unthinkable now..."

She couldn't help but rewarded him with a kiss for that statement. She then caressed his cheek softly and said, "Somehow, you always know the right answer, Dylan..."

He shook his head slowly. "That was not the right answer... It was the truth."

She smiled tenderly at him and mutual silence descended on them as the sound of the waves getting closer and closer, signalling to them that they almost arrived at their destination.

As they arrived at the beach, they rode for a while until Dylan could see the arrangement that Travis had kindly prepared for them just a few metres away. He then dismounted from the horse, helped Kate to do the same and tied the horse to the nearby rock formation before taking Kate's hand and walked the rest of the way.

"Picnic on the beach, Dylan? That's your surprise?" Kate raised her eyebrows amusedly at the sight of the arrangement in front of her.

"Yes..." He grinned at her... "Plus we're watching the sunset while we're having a picnic."

She grinned back at him. "You know that you're the best boyfriend in the whole world, right?"

He laughed at her somewhat out-of-character exclamation. "What makes you think so? Is it the prospect of food, the sunset or the wine in that basket?"

She only smiled sheepishly as she realised how childish her statement sounded. She then hugged him tightly and sighed to his chest. "That's definitely the wine talking..."

* * *

"I think I want to transfer back to patrol boat..." Dylan murmured quietly as they huddled together on the picnic blanket spread on the sand.

Her head turned back towards him in surprised. "Why?"

"I just think that the fact that we've been away from each other for either 4 months or 8 months at a time couldn't be good for the future of our relationship, Kate... Plus, sometimes when I was on leave, you were not and vice versa... I think I only saw you for a few months in total during the last 18 months and that's not enough at all..."

She turned around and climbed up to his lap, forcing him to steady her with his arms while she placed her palms on both side of his neck and looked at him thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking, Kate?"

She sighed. "I was thinking along the same line actually. I was thinking of taking a shore posting..."

"What?" He stared at her confused. "No... Kate... you finally got your promotion that you wanted. You are commanding your own ship now. Don't let go of that opportunity for..."

"Us?" she cut him before he could finish his sentence. "Don't you think that what we have as a couple worth the sacrifice from _both_ of us? I know you love me, Dylan... I know that you wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice everything for me, even your life if the situation asked for it... But, you sometimes forget that I love you too... and I don't want you to sacrifice everything for me, including your career... Because if you did that, one day you would wake up and you might hate me for that..."

"That would never happen..." he emphasised his words strongly... "I don't have the capacity to do that, Kate..."

"Love and hate are just the different side of the same coin, Dylan..." She smiled at him tenderly. "I thought that if I took shore posting, then I would always be home when you are on shore leave. We can have more time together..."

"Even though you're on shore posting, the most we would have together would be around 2-3 months in one year if I stayed in frigate... That's why I want patrol boat posting... our schedule could overlap again just like before... my pay would be the same and under the new regulation next month, a CPO like me would be the boarding officer of a patrol boat... I would still be at the heart of the action and I got to spend a lot more quality time with my favourite girl as well..."

She chuckled softly at his stubbornness in the matter, but she didn't really give him a reply. She just hugged him tightly and buried her nose to the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent while her brain worked overtime.

"I could hear the wheel spinning in your head, Kate..." he commented after she stayed quiet for a long time. The only sound that he could hear was the sound of the waves lapping at the sand and the birds chirping from inside the rainforest. There was nobody else around them as it was a weekday and the fact they were sitting in the quietest section of the beach. He definitely owed Travis a beer or two for helping to set everything up in such a short notice.

It was a few minutes later that the sun started to set down in the horizon and knowing that this was her favourite time of the day, he urged her to turn around and assume their previous position. She kissed his lips softly in gratitude before settling herself against his chest and pulled his arms tighter around her.

He then rested his chin on her shoulder and his cheek against hers as they watched the technicolour display in front of them, cherishing their time together. He had missed her so much during his last patrol. Four unbearable months spent in training with their country's allies. He was no stranger to this type of assignment, having served in the gulf rotation twice. The only difference was that the time he spent in the gulf was the real thing. Hundreds of ships passed through the region every day, keeping them busy with the task of guarding those ships against pirates while at the same time, they also support the coalition forces in Iraq & Afghanistan. Whereas this time around, it was only an exercise; the exercise that ended up being a show of force between who had the best equipments among them. All this things made him thinking about her more and more. He missed waking up next to her in the morning, he missed the time they spend just cuddling up to each other and watched TV. He missed talking to her about everything and anything. But most importantly, he just missed her.

He snorted inwardly at how pathetic that sounded. He never really told her all this things. He never really told her how useless and empty he felt without her. He was afraid that she would run for the hills if he told her about his dependency to her. Even after 2 years together and plus a year of the 'best friend' period, he still didn't know whether she loved him as much as he loved her; whether his need for her was reciprocated. Frankly, he was still waiting for a moment where she would wake up and asked herself what the hell she was doing with a guy like him when she could have better. It was not until this morning, when he listened to her frantic and teary voice message that he realised that she loved him and needed him just as much.

"Kate..." he whispered softly to her ear, his voice somewhat struggling under the burden of nerves and expectation.

"Hmm?" she reluctantly tore her eyes away from the glowing sunset and turned her head slightly to see his face.

The lump formed in his throat when he saw the trust on her eyes as she looked at him questioningly.

"Marry me..."

The sound of her sharp intake of breath lingered in the air, making his heart beat even faster.

For a while she didn't reply, but the fact that she didn't say 'NO' straight away gave him hope.

"You planned this, didn't you?" she finally turned around in his arms and cupped his cheeks softly, "the horse riding, the beach, the picnic, the sunset..."

"Sort of..." he tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, waiting patiently for what she had to say about his proposal.

"Dylan..." She rested her forehead against his. "Why do we have to get married?"

"We don't have to... Even if you say NO... I won't leave... I would still be here..." he replied solemnly.

"Why do you want to get married then?" she re-phrased the question.

"Why not?"

Silence descended on them once more. Her brain thought of the question seriously. Her forehead crunched. Sensing her trouble, he then pulled her closer to his chest and hugged her tight. She kissed his cheek in response to his gesture but she stayed quiet.

"Kate..." he finally broke the silence. "Marriage is not just a piece of paper for me. It never has been for the men in my family either... Marriage is a commitment... A commitment to love and cherish you for better and for worse until the day I left this earth... That was also the commitment that both my dad and my grandpa gave to the love of their lives. I want to commit myself to you... That's why I want to marry you..."

Tears started to well her eyes as she listened to his speech. "Commitment is well and good, Dylan... But... even if we get married, you could never promise me that you won't leave me... Because one day, you have to... be it some kind of health problem or a bullet, you would leave... and on that day, I have to bury you..." As the vision of her nightmares came back to the forefront of her mind, she tightened her hold on his neck and buried her nose there.

He was quiet for a long time after that. Gathering his thoughts carefully, he knew that his answer to her worry would be the defining factor of what her decision would be to his proposal.

"There's no certainty in life, Kate..." He urged her to look into his eyes again. "We don't how much time we are going to have in this earth. We don't know what's going to happen in the next hour of our life, let alone the next thirty or forty years... Only _heaven_ knows those kinds of things... But..." he kissed her softly, "what I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you... Be it an hour, a day, a year, or twenty years, it doesn't matter... I just want to have the chance to be your husband... to be the father of our kids... and if we're blessed with long life... I want to be a grandparent with you while we're spoiling our grandkids rotten... and when it's time to leave, I want your face to be the last face I see before I close my eyes forever, knowing that I have been blessed to have you in my life..." He swallowed the lump on his throat as his brain was assaulted by the amazing show reel of what could be their life together.

"I want that too..." she whispered softly as few drops of tears ran freely on her cheeks. "But I'm scared..."

"Of what?" he replied just as softly.

"If we get married... and you leave one way or the other, it will destroy me..."

"If we're not married and continue just like this, would you hurt any less if I left? Would it be easier?"

Her breath hitched as realisation hit her...

"Would you be able to smile again straight away and not felt like your heart and your soul had been ripped apart?" he paused as he sensed her mind started to see his point of view, "because if that had been you who left, I know I couldn't do that..."

"I couldn't either..." she shook her head. "It wouldn't hurt any less... It would probably hurt more... Because of the regret that I didn't have the chance to walk down that aisle towards you..."

"Say yes then..." his thumb brushed her tears from her cheek gently. "Grow old with me, sweetheart..."

She smiled at his insistence. "I haven't seen the ring, you know, and yet, you expect me to say yes?" she teased him, "what if you're going to give me a plastic ring?"

He grinned at her and he let go of her while his arm reached for the picnic basket. He then pulled out the blue velvet box from one corner of the basket, well hidden below the containers inside. He gave the box to her, silently urging her to open the box.

Her sharp intake of breath was signalling to him that she liked the ring. That, and the fact that her eyes started to water once more.

"It's beautiful..." she lifted the ring from its box, admiring the round diamond at the centre and the double rows of bead-set diamonds encircling it. She then looked up to meet his eyes again before handing back the ring to him. "Ask me again..."

He smiled and took the ring before urging her to stand up. He then dropped to one knee in front of her, took her hand and kissed her ring finger before looking up at her and held up the ring.

"Kate McGregor, will you marry me?"

"Yes..."

That one word gave him permission to slide the ring to her finger. That one word gave him permission to stand up, pull her to him and kiss her senseless. That one word caused him to grin stupidly at her while he admired the way the ring circled her finger perfectly.

"It fits..." she commented as she noticed his lingering look to her fingers.

"It was a lucky guess for the size..."

"You had help, didn't you?"

"Well..." he pulled her waist closer to him and kiss her nose playfully. "My dad was there for moral support..."

She looked at him thoughtfully, realising for the first time that something didn't seem quite right with that fact. "Dylan, the last time you saw you parents was your mum's 60th... That was almost a year ago... You had the ring for that long?"

He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Dad and I were on our way to the electronic store when I saw this on the jewellery store window..."

"And you bought it?"

"Hu-uh..." he chuckled. "I almost maxed out my credit card actually..."

"Why didn't you ask me then?" she asked curiously.

"Would you have said yes if I asked you then?" he countered her seriously.

She sighed. "I don't know..." she played with the button of his shirt absentmindedly. "To be honest, maybe not..."

"I know..." he kissed her lips softly. "I was waiting until you are ready... Until I know for sure that you need me as much as I do..."

"I've never made anything easy for you, have I?" she mumbled from his chest.

He smiled. "No... But honestly, where's the fun of it if you made it easy for me?"

She snorted. "Most men will run away, Dylan..."

"Then they are all fools."

The conviction in his voice never failed to make her heart warmer. And this time, it's no different.

For a while, they just stood there on each other's arms. The sun was now fully set, leaving them with a half-moon staring at them.

"Let's go home, Kate..."

"I'm home already..."

His chest tightened as he realised what she meant. "Me too... But, we just got engaged, Kate... I think we deserve to celebrate..."

"Somehow, I think the celebration you have in mind involves more than just a drink..." She teased him playfully.

He grinned at her. "Of course... There would be just you, me and that big bed of ours for the next 24 hours or more..."

She grinned back at him. "Just the bed?"

He raised his eyebrows at the challenge he could hear in her voice. "I'm sure we can arrange to christen every part of the house... We haven't done that since we moved in..."

"Not on the backyard though..." She laughed at the horror she saw on his face.

"Of course not! I'm not going to let our neighbours get a peep show..."

She was still smiling at his expense when she remembered her promise to her crew before. "I have to tell the boys that I'm not coming to the drinks tonight... I just gave my XO a lecture about being a team player and spending time with the crew in social setting and now I'm negating on my promise..." She sighed. "I'm not setting up a very good example, am I?"

He kissed her forehead soothingly. "I'm sure they'll understand... We can always have drinks with them sometime this week... It's a pity that Charge is not here anymore though... I missed his farewell party..."

"I'm sure he'll come to the wedding if we invited him..."

"True..." He smiled, "speaking of wedding... any idea when and where?"

"On a secluded beach somewhere... Maybe here if they cater for such things..." She paused. "As for when... I don't want a long engagement... and with our schedule, I think we should choose few venues, check their availability, check our schedule and match the date that fit within the next 12 months... What do you think?"

"I think that sounds good..." He couldn't help but thinking that she had actually thought of this before to come to such a quick summary. But of course, he didn't voice his thought to her; he just smiled at her indulgently and tightened his hold on her.

"Shall we go then?"

"Getting impatient much, soon-to-be-Mrs Mulholland?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't push your luck, Dylan..."

He grinned at her. "I'm not... but the option is there if one day you want to do that... Plus, 'Kate Mulholland' sounds quite nice, don't you think?"

"Sometimes, you are really infuriating, Dylan..." Her hands reached up to cup his cheeks. "But, I love you... So much... And if the price of having you in my life is to put up with your crazy antics and your sometimes loud snoring... so be it..."

He took both of her hands in his and kissed her knuckles one by one before managing to find his voice again and replied simply. "I love you too, Kate... Always..."

* * *

_Fin._


End file.
